


Solace

by SharmaWild



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Dark, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-15 12:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 51,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2229909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharmaWild/pseuds/SharmaWild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard has been kidnapped and is held in an old science facility on Pragia. James, Kaidan and Garrus sets out to rescue her. But as they fight their way through the jungle, hunted by mercenaries, they'll discover that the truth about the kidnapping is much darker than they originally thought. Set during ME3. (Contains physical interaction of a sexual and violent nature.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own MASS EFFECT. It all belongs to BioWare...

Shepard sluggishly raised her head at the hissing sound of the door sliding open. She shrunk back into the corner when the man entered the dark room where she was being held.

"Here", he said, shoving a bowl of a grey, bland stew towards her. "Eat up. You'll need your strength. It will be your turn soon... Commander..." He grinned luridly at her.

His words made her tremble. _Don't let them see that you are frightened._ She held herself very still, rigid almost, as the man stepped further into the small room. It was empty save for a stainless steel sink and the simple cot on which she was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees. The man was grinning again as he towered over her.

"I've seen you on ANN. The Hero of the Citadel." He said. "You're real pretty under the cuts and bruises." He extended a hand as if to caress her cheek. Shepard slapped it away, but her normally fast reflexes were off, slow. Her feeble attempt made the man laugh. "Oh, you're feisty." He grinned again. "Good, I like a little resistance."

Shepard's eyes flashed. "Touch me and I'll kill you!" She managed.

The man simply laughed again before pulling out the hypodermic needle and jamming it into the muscles of her upper-arm. Shepard tried to jerk her arm free, a low whine escaping her as the drugs rapidly spread through her system and dulled her senses. "You'll welcome my touch when the Dealer is done with you", the man promised as she slumped over on the cot, tears trailing down her bruised cheeks. With that he left, locking the door behind him. It once again glowed an ominous red in the darkness.

Shepard stared at it. Her head was swimming and her vision fuzzy. She had to struggle to keep her eyes open. The Dealer... Even in the drug-infused state she was in she recognised that name. But it was hard to think. Her thoughts seemed to slip away before she could catch them. She couldn't tell how long she had been locked up in this dark and dank cell any more. Forever it seemed. Even the events prior to the abduction was slipping away. She had a hard time remembering the details of the Reapers' attack on Earth and the following missions. Mars, Menae, Sura'Kesh, Tutchanka...

She remembered the Citadel being under attack but not the details, it was all just a hectic whirl of violence, gunfire and blood. She knew Kaidan had been wounded at some point. She had a foggy memory of visiting him in a hospital. And she could recall standing in the main battery with Garrus looking down at her, his mandibles twitching in a smile. Then the image changed and she saw him laying in a pool of dark blue blood, his eyes closing... _Omega,_ she thought dully. _The gunship... It happened on Omega... He survived. He's alive..._ The thought gave her some comfort. But as the drugs spread through her body even that thought faded away and she slipped into a maelstrom nightmares and confusion.

The only vivid memories she had was of the abduction itself. She and Joker had been on their way back to the docking bay after having picked up some equipment from the market on Illium when they hit. Even taken by surprise and with no backup, she had managed to take out most of them before they shot her with a tazer. The last thing she could remember was seeing Joker crumble to the ground after being struck on the back of the head with the butt of a rifle. Then the world spun out of control and the darkness had swallowed her.

And when she woke up again she had been here, in this small dark place that smelled of mildew and decay.

When they came for her the first time she had fought, and she had continued to fight as they dragged her from the cell down a gloomily lit corridor and into a clinic. It was as dark and dank as the corridor and her cell and had a sickening stench of antibacterial detergents mixed with decomposing bodies assailed her nostrils and made her gag.

She had struggled and fought against her captors but to no avail, they were simply too many and too strong. They had torn her uniform off and strapped her into a crude looking chair of metal. The clamps held her in place no matter how she struggled. And then they had...

_No. Don't remember that. It didn't happen._

Shepard closed her eyes and curled up into a foetal position, unaware of the tears that continued to run down her cheeks, as she sank into unconsciousness, escaping the despair and hopelessness of her situation.

* * * * *

_"Two mercs entering from the south."_ Kaidan's low voice came across the comm.

Garrus shot a glance towards the house through the scope of his Black Widow sniper rifle. "Any sight of Shepard?" he asked although he knew the experienced Alliance Marine would have told him so.

_"Negative."_

They had been positioned around the camp for four days now, watching as the Blue Suns mercenaries moved in and out of the run-down buildings. The trail they had followed had taken them from Illium, where Shepard had been abducted, to Pragia in the Dakka System. And thanks to EDI's upgraded scanning and analysing software they had managed to pin-point the Blue Suns' camp.

Pragia was a planet of rainforests and swamps, overrun by choking hypergrowth caused by industrially mutated plant species. It was hot and humid and a thoroughly nasty terrain to move around in.

 _"I got movements",_ James Vega's voice came across the comm. _"Two mercs entering building 02."_

The camp was made up of three one-story housing facilities and a larger building that made up the northern border of the camp, directly beyond that the rainforest lay like a green, living wall. After having watched the camp in shifts for three days they knew the Blue Suns merc's held hostages prisoner in the three smaller buildings and it seemed likely that the Commander was being held there as well, but they still didn't know in which.

Garrus knew that he had to make a decision very soon. Any attempt to contact the Blue Suns and negotiate Shepard's release had been ignored. What ever the reason was behind the kidnapping, it wasn't credits. And that, more than anything scared him. He had the horrible feeling that time was running out.

Should they continue gather intelligence, or should they hit the camp in an attempt to rescue the Commander?

Garrus lifted a hand to his visor, activating the comm. "Return to the RV", he ordered. Having gotten James and Kaidan's 'affirmative's', he slowly crawled back from the little ridge that served as his observation point.

"So, Scars", James Vega said maybe half an hour later when they had gathered a safe distance away from the Blue Suns' camp. "Are we on or are we off?"

"We'll attack at first light tomorrow", the turian said, having mulled their options over for a few moments. "Kaidan, I want you and James here." He indicated a point just outside the camp on the holo map hoovering above his omni-tool. "I'll be up on the ridge overlooking the camp, taking out the guards patrolling the perimeters and providing you with back-up fire."

Garrus eyed his team. The two humans looked like shit with days' worth of bug-bites and dirt and grime smeared over their faces. Garrus himself wasn't bothered by the heat and humidity or the bugs.

Maybe his hide is just too tough to bite through? Kaidan thought with envy as he smacked a mosquito that had been brave enough to land on his neck.

"Finally, some action. Let's lock and load", James Vega said with a wide grin.

The cliché made Kaidan snort and roll his eyes at the young, eager Lieutenant. "What do we do with the other hostages?" he then asked, very serious again. "Do we free them too, or do we leave them?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Our priority is to get Shepard out of there alive", Garrus finally said.

"The Commander won't be happy if she finds out that we left others behind", James objected.

"Garrus is right", Kaidan said, albeit a little reluctantly. The thought of leaving others held hostage to their fate was not pleasant. " We'll need to get to the RV quickly, and it wont be quick if we have a group of scared civilians to deal with."

"Yeah, but it's not right to just leave the poor bastards to their fate." James rolled his shoulders a little, trying to ease some of the tension.

"I don't like it either", Garrus voiced in hard flanging tones. "But I'm not going to risk Shepard's life. We get her and we get as much distance between us and the Blue Suns as we can." Despite the determination colouring his dual toned voice, the decision to leave anyone behind in the hands of the mercs didn't sit right with him. To sacrifice the lives of innocents went against everything he fought for, but Shepard was more important than any amount of guilt or pain.

It was obvious the turian would do anything to save her, sacrifice anything. And as James met Kaidan's gaze he could read the same determination in the human biotic's brown orbs. The man loved Shepard still. And so did Garrus. And Shepard... if she had chosen between two of them she sure hadn't told her Arms Master about it. Not that James expected her to. The Commander seemed to want to keep her private life private. Or as private as it could be on board a ship.

He had more than a sneaking suspicion that the matter was still unresolved, and that meant that the tension between Garrus and Kaidan was thick enough to be cut with a knife. James couldn't help but to keep an wary eye on the two of them. They were both acting so casually about it that it made him nervous.


	2. Chapter 2

Dusk came fast in the jungle. Grey clouds gathered above; heavy looking and stacked up like dirty cotton candy they promised rain and thunder.

Kaidan and James eased their way down the muddy slope, moving inch-by-inch, careful not to rustle any of the foliage or crack a twig.

They had decided to get into position, wait out the night and then attack at first light following standard operation procedure.

A bug started chewing in his back but Kaidan forced himself to ignore the itching pain. He wished he had a bottle of Deet*, but alas, it was left back with his kit at their little lay up point and so he was like an open fast-food restaurant to every hungry bug that flew or crawled.

Slowly lifting his head he peered through the leafs of a bush. He was in position. And a soft rustle to his right told him that so was James. Now all they had to do was to wait.

As midnight came and went, the small team watched the camp. As usual fires were being lit in old oil-drums and barrels, bottles of alcohol being shared. And it didn't take long for the red sand to appear.

These mercs are completely loco, James Vega thought to himself, watching the scene below him. Come morning they wouldn't know what hit them.

* * * * *

Garrus moved back into the thick foliage after having set up a couple of his deadly proximity mines. He would stay put, using his own presence to scare off any animals that might wander into his little minefield. As soon as he got the get go he would use his sniper rifle to take out the few guards that was sloppily patrolling the perimeter of the camp.

Leaning against the huge tree, Garrus looked out into the dense darkness, easily penetrating it with his visor setting on night vision. He'd always loved the jungle. You had everything; protection, food and water. If you knew what you were doing it was a great environment to be in, bursting with life.

When the rain started it was like sitting in a very leaky tent; the sound of the raindrops hitting the foliage was almost deafening. Garrus wrapped himself in the waterproofed lightweight tent canvas, his mandibles twitching in a grin, as he thought of his human team mates getting wet and miserable down in the mud.

* * * * *

It rained all through the night. Kaidan had to keep wiping water away from his face. At least it wasn't cold, he thought trying to cheer himself up. He watched as the mercs in the camp partied. The music coming from speakers mounted on poles blocked out the sound of crickets and night birds.

Kaidan moved slightly to ease a cramp that had started to build up in his right leg.

The mercs moved from house to house. Kaidan thought he heard a woman's voice, high and shrill, but he couldn't be sure. The camp was populated by both men and women, and when a man re-emerged from the house a few moments later, tucking his shirt back into his pants, Kaidan could only hope he had visited the local whore and not one of the poor bastards held hostage.

Kaidan squinted against the sudden light when an over-happy merc tossed a bottle into one of the fires, causing it to explode.

* * * * *

The sound of the bottle exploding woke Shepard from her fitful, drug-induced sleep. Her heart pounded, her mouth was dry and despite the heat she was shivering. Strands of dirty dark hair clung to her forehead and cheeks. She pushed herself up on her arms so she could press her face to the boarded up window and peer out through a crack between the closed shutters. She saw the mercs moving in the flickering light coming from the fires. The heavy rain drowned out all other sounds.

The words of the merc earlier came back to haunt her and she curled up, wrapping her arms around herself.

She spent the rest of the night in this position, eyes on the door. Flinching every time someone passed the door to the cot where she was imprisoned.

When night gave way to a grey dawn she had fallen into a light sleep.

* * * * *

"Attack, attack!"

The order jolted them into action. They would hit hard, fast and quiet, clearing one house at the time with Garrus thinning out the mercs that no doubt would be milling about as soon as they realised they were being attacked.

Following a step behind Kaidan, James ran down the slippery slope and into the still sleeping camp. They used the shelter of the forest, then ducked behind a fence before bolting across the wide open area to press themselves up against the wall of the first house.

It was at this point things usually got loud. They lined up by the door. The lock blared red but Kaidan had no problem bypassing it and it soon shone a more inviting green. James hit the now open lock the rusty door slid open and they burst inside.

The narrow corridor was lit with a single flickering light armature. It was lined with doors, two on each side. The doors were locked. James moved up to the closest one and looked through the observation window. In the dark little cell he could make out the shape of a salarian laying on the narrow bed, unconscious, or dead. A plastic bowl stood untouched on the floor beside it.

He moved on the next door to find it occupied by a dead asari. She lay on the floor, one arm extended towards the door as if she had died begging for help. "Madre de Dios..." James crossed himself without being aware of it. "What the hell is going on here?"

Kaidan had checked the other cells and reported back to Garrus. He was pale when he turned to James. "She's not here. There is nothing we can do for these people, we have to continue."

James nodded.

_"You have company",_ came Garrus' flanging voice over their comm-implants. _"Three mercs carrying weapons."_

"Copy that." Kaidan and James positioned themselves by to the door.

_"They don't seem to suspect anything",_ Garrus continued to report. _"I don't think they know we're here. One of them is approaching your building."_

James drew his knife while Kaidan's biotics crackled to life.

James tensed, preparing to thrust his knife into the unknown man. They could hear him now; heavy boots against the ground. They heard the him clear his throat and spit. He muttered a few words and James realised that the man had discovered the door had been unlocked.

He shouted something to his friends, then activated the omni-lock to open the door. James and Kaidan pressed themselves deeper into the shadows.

The man blinked, temporarily blinded by the change of the early morning light to the darkness inside. This was it. With the speed of striking snakes both James and Kaidan moved, pulling the man inside. James closed the door while Kaidan did the dirty deed; he sent a bolt of biotic energy into the man's chest. The merc convulsed and fell into a heap on the floor, his feet drumming out a staccato rhythm.

Kaidan checked the merc's vital signs to make sure that he was dead. There was nothing they could do for the dead and the dying prisoners. They moved out, the door sliding close behind them. There was no way they could stay unseen now. They left the flimsy security of the cot, ran the short distance to the next and bypassed the lock.

Behind them one of the merc's weapon sounded off, a static tatatata that broke the early morning calm once and for all.

James and Kaidan returned the fire, dropping the man instantly. The door slid open and they dove inside, closing the door behind them.

A new corridor, as dark and dank as the first. They quickly moved from cell to cell. Another asari, who looked up at them with too glossy eyes. The next cell was empty.

"Dammit!" Kaidan cursed, slamming his fist against the wall in a rare show of emotions. "She's not here!"

"Shit..." James growled as frustrated as the Major. "She's in the main building."

From outside they could hear the echoing boom of Garrus sniper rifle and the high pitched staccato of the merc's SMG's and shotguns.

Kaidan lifted his hand to his ear, activating the comm-implant. "She is not here, Garrus. We need to get into the main facility."

_"Go",_ the former C-Sec Officer replied. _"I'll keep them busy."_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***Deet is a very strong bug-repellent used by the British SAS when operating in the jungle. It melts plastic, stinks and is said to cause cancer. I'm not sure if it's still in use and I'm pretty sure they would have something fancier in the Mass Effect universe, but I couldn't come up with anything in the moment of writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

Even in her hazy state, Shepard heard the ruckus. She ducked instinctively when several shots were fired. It was frightening to be so utterly without control and at the mercy of others. She hated it. Hated how it made her feel like a helpless child again, like she had been on Mindoir when the slavers attacked and slaughtered her parents.

The memories of what had happened during that hellish experience were like ghosts, feeding of the drugs in her body, haunting her.

_You have to hide, darling..._

_Mum, no! Please, I want to stay with you and dad!_

_You can't. They're coming! You have to be quiet, honey. No matter what happens! You have to survive. You have to!_

She had been left in the darkness. Curled up behind sacks of fertilisers. Eyes tightly closed, hands pressed over her ears to try and shut out the sounds... gunfire and screams... Mum, dad, her brother John... She had lost her entire family, everyone and everything that she loved, in a couple of hours. But she had survived.

Trapped in her memories, Shepard flinched at the sound of weapons being fired. They were coming! She had to hide!

Struggling against the darkness that threatened to swallow her, Shepard rolled off the cot. Steadying herself against the wall, she tried to stand but she was too weak. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor in a heap.

 _Get up!_ She tried to order her arms and legs to work but it was as if her limbs were made out of led. Sweat was pouring off her in rivulets as she struggled to lift herself off the dirty floor.

The sound of heavy gun fire seemed to be closer now. She could hear shouting and the echo of people running outside her cell.

_You have to hide, darling! They're coming! You have to hide!_

"Mum..." Shepard managed to raise herself into a sitting position. Her head was swimming, her breath rasping in and out of her throat in shallow gasps. Fighting the dizziness and the nausea, Shepard struggled to keep her eyes open but the drugs still in her system was too strong, and she sank back onto the floor, unconscious.

* * * * *

Smoke softened the contours and made it hard to see, forcing James and Kaidan to relay on what they remembered of the blueprints they had studied earlier. It was controlled chaos as more flash-bangs detonated, stunning and shocking those unfortunate to be on the receiving end.

James saw Kaidan pass him to the right without making a sound. It was time to move.

He made his way towards the stairs that led down to the underground level. Blinking sweat from his eyes, his breath coming fast and hard, thundering in his ears. James moved quickly down the steps, crouching to make himself as hard as possible to hit for anyone waiting with a weapon ready down at the end of the stairs.

The smoke was thicker now and he strained to see beyond it. After the loud bangs just seconds ago, the silence now seemed as thick and impossible to penetrate as the smoke.

Suddenly it all exploded once again around him as mechs powered up and started shooting at them.

"Let's go!" Kaidan's voice was rough in James' ear, amplified by the comm-implant. He moved forward without hesitation, surrounded by the blue glow of a biotic barrier that made him looking almost alien and unreal.

The adrenaline pumped through his body like nitro, fuelling him, and James willed himself in motion; the training overriding the natural instinct to flee danger.

Shouts and shots and more explosions. His ears rang. James moved through the chaos, controlled, in time with Kaidan as if they were performing some strange dance. Having taken out the group of mercenaries backed up by mechs, they lined up outside a door, Kaidan slammed his hand against the lock and James lobbed a flash-bang into the room. It detonated and the two soldiers burst inside, quickly taking control over the room. It was empty save for the body of a man dressed in Blue Sun's armour.

James grabbed a thermo clip off the dead mercenary and reloaded his assault rifle. Kaidan were already making his way to the door on the far side of the room, his biotic barrier giving off a blue light that drove some of the shadows away.

They had managed to bypass the lock and entered the main building. The stench of mildew was thick, mixed with a hint of antiseptics and death.

Kaidan slammed his hand against the green lock and it parted to let them through.

The room they entered looked like a mad doctor's twisted version of a clinic. In the centre stood a chair, resembling the chair in a dentist's clinic, of stainless steel. The cuffs attached to the arm and leg rests were stained with dried blood in different colours, as was the floor around it.

"My God..." Kaidan mumbled. "What kind of place is this?"

"It looks like a torture chamber." James swallowed. It was all too easy to imagine Shepard strapped into the device.

Something moved in the shadows and the two soldiers spun around, weapons raised and ready. A camera-drone flew out of the corner where it had been hovering. _"Do you wish to resume filming?"_ it asked in an artificial voice.

"Jesus..." James mumbled.

Kaidan's face was ashen. "Download all stored material to a memory-card", he managed as cold sweat trickled down his back. His eyes fell on a stainless-steel table standing in a convenient distance from the chair. It held an array of surgical-instruments.

Had Shepard been tortured? The thought made a black rage flare up inside him.

 _"Download complet",_ the drone said, interrupting his brooding. The memory-card protruded from a slit under the drone's camera eye. Kaidan grabbed it and slipped it under. They would have to go through the material once they were back on the Normandy. Perhaps it could answer some of their questions and help them find who was behind Shepard's abduction. _"Have a pleasant day",_ the drone started but it never got the chance to finish the sentence. It was blown into tiny fragments of plastic, metal and glass.

Surprised Kaidan spun around to see James lowering his rifle. "Sorry", the Lieutenant said with a sheepish shrug. "I just had to shoot something..."

"Yeah..." Kaidan ran a hand over his eyes. "I know how you feel. This place is... I'm not sure what I expected us to find, but not this. Not a damn torture chamber..."

James could only nod. "We'll find her", he promised, putting every ounce of conviction he had into his voice. "Come on. Let's move." He took the lead as they left the disturbing room.

* * * * *

It had started to rain again and the wind was picking up. Garrus adjusted the scope. The rifle, a state of the art Black Widow, was a gift from Shepard. It was heavy and cumbersome...

He inhaled. Held his breath. And gently squeezed the trigger. 48 metres away the merc's head exploded, blood and brain-matter splattering over the blue and white armour of the unfortunate bastard's friends.

… but it packed a hell of a punch. His mandibles twitched in a small smile as he shook the tension out of his hand, already zeroing in on his next target. The gift was typically Shepard. The way she had sauntered into the main battery with the dissembled rifle nestled in the crock of her arm and interrupted his calibrations with her swaying hips and that teasing, devil-may-care smile that always quickened his pulse. It had been a rare moment of tenderness and closeness, and it had made him dare to hope that they would continue what ever it was they had started six months ago.

Garrus pulled the trigger and the powerful rifle recoiled, slamming into his shoulder. Down in the camp yet another merc fell, blood spurting from his neck.

He loved her. It was as simple as that. And as complicated.

And he would do anything to save her. Anything. May the Spirits have mercy on those who had kidnapped Shepard, for Garrus would show them none.


	4. Chapter 4

A new corridor, dark and damp. Mildew and fungus grew in slimy patches on the walls. The air was clammy and heavy to breathe. They passed doors with observation shutters every couple of steps or so, revealing just how small the cells on the other sides were.

The stench of decay was thick as they moved down the corridor, checking the cells.

"I got dead bodies here." James turned away from the cell-door, his face grey. "Asari by the looks of it. No humans..."

Kaidan nodded. His stomach was in a tight knot. Not even during the Reapers' attack on Earth had he felt such anguish as he did now. He had to find Shepard, everything else came second to that. He moved to the next cell and opened the shutter.

He froze.

She lay on the floor wearing only a black A-shirt and a pare of panties, curled up in the corner farthest from the door, eyes closed and hands pressed against her ears.

"Shepard!"

She didn't respond, didn't even move.

"Oh God..." James mumbled beside him. "Is she...?"

Kaidan's hands were shaking when he bypassed the lock. It seemed to take forever before the red glow turned to green and he could press it. The doors slid aside with a squeak and he was inside the cell, kneeling next to her, pressing two fingers to her neck, checking for a pulse. It was weak, irregular, but it was there. He let go of the breath he had been holding.

"It's okay, Shepard... You're safe now..." Kaidan brushed away dark strands of hair that clung to her cheeks and forehead. He ran a quick scan using the omni-tool and the result made him frown. She had a fever, caused by an infection. The drugs, a mix of barbiturates and red sand were wreaking havoc on her body, straining her heart. She was a mess. He quickly administered medi-gel, as high a dose as he dared. It would take the temperature down and should halt the infection, but there wasn't much he could do to wash the drugs out of her system.

A few seconds later Shepard flinched, her eyes fluttering open. "D-dad?" Her voice was barely a whisper. "I tried to hide..." She mumbled feverishly. "I stayed quiet like I promised..." The irises were nearly completely swallowed up by the dilated pupils and she had dark circles under her eyes, a bruise coloured her left cheek and temple blue, her lips was cracked and bloodied. Kaidan could see the tell tale signs of abuse on the rest of her body as well; her wrists and ankles were chaffed and more bruises bloomed on her legs and the delicate skin on the inside of her arms was streaked with angry, infected needle tracks.

Kaidan hugged Shepard to him for a moment. "It's okay..." he said softly. "We're getting you out of here." He rose with her in his arms. She was slipping in and out of consciousness as he carried her out of the cell with James taking the lead.

_"I've got shuttles coming in."_ Garrus voice came through in a haze of statics, accentuated by the boom of his sniper rifle. _"I'll do my best to thin the herd but you better get a move on. Have you..."_ There was the smallest hesitation in the turian's voice but James couldn't help but to pick up on it. _"Have you found her yet?"_

"We've got her", James answered as they turned around a corner. "She's alive."

There came a rush of breath as Garrus exhaled in relief. 

"We're heading back up as we speak."

_"Use a different route and avoid the main exit. There's a small maintenance tunnel that runs under the entire complex. It will take you away from the front of the building to an emergency exit at the back",_ Garrus advised. _"I'll circle around and meet you there."_

"Copy that."

They were making their way back through the corridor when Shepard came to. She blinked unable to grasp the situation. Someone was carrying her. Someone familiar.

"Kaidan?" she whispered hoarsely. The sound of her voice made him stop and look down at her.

"Shepard. How are you feeling?"

"Like crap."

Another figure stepped into her field of vision. James Vega gave her a grin. "Hey, Lola. You look like shit."

She managed a smile, taking in his face smeared with camouflage paint and mud. "You're not exactly Mr Male Model of the Month yourself, Vega." Her eyes had lost some of that glossy, empty look as the medi-gel dealt with the fever, now they became shiny with unshed tears. "You came... I didn't think..."

Kaidan hugged her gently. "Of course we came. The galaxy needs you, Shepard. I... we need you."

There was a tremble in her voice when she spoke again. "Did Garrus come too?"

"Yeah." It was James who answered. "It was Scars that planned the whole operation. He's waiting for us outside."

Shepard closed her eyes, relief washing through her. But the feeling of being held, of being trapped, made the her breath hitch in her throat. "Let me down."

"Are you sure?" Kaidan frowned.

Shepard nodded, fighting against the feeling of panic. Her head was spinning and her legs threatened to give out under her as Kaidan gently put her down. She had to steady herself against the wall but she managed to stay upright. "You can't fight and carry me at the same time", she said, trying to keep her voice even and steady.

Kaidan looked as if he might protest but then he nodded. "Let's get out of here." He offered her a gun. Shepard wrapped her fingers around the handle and another rush of relief washed through her. She wasn't defenceless any more.

The walk down the dark corridor was nightmarish. Shepard couldn't help but to feel guilty as she passed the other cells. James glanced at her and guessing her thoughts said: "They're empty. You're the only one we've found that's still alive."

When they left the corridor and entered the room with its disturbing instruments of torture, Shepard froze, her gaze pinned to the chair as if it was a living breathing things.

Dried blood, smeared over the arm rests, the straps. Her blood...

Panic surging up like a black cloud to swallow her as she doubled over. Voices, distant, sounding as if they were coming from miles away, calling her name. Her legs buckled and she fell to her hands and knees, desperately still holding on to the heavy gun.

_No! No... It didn't happen... It didn't..._

* * * * *

Shepard was alive! Garrus sent a prayer of thanks to the spirits as he moved through the under-brush. Behind him the blast of the mines going off shook the jungle, showering him in leaves.

At least the mercs didn't lack for persistence, he thought as yet another mine went off.

He had been on the move since the shuttles had arrived, keeping distance between them and him. He used the terrain to his advantage, staying invisible as he took out one or two mercs with the sniper rifle before moving again.

Garrus was half-way round to the back of the building when yet another shuttle descended, spewing out mercenaries dressed in the blue and white armour. He was seriously outnumbered and running out of time. He activated the comm as his visor picked up movements amongst the trees.

"Where the hell are you?" he all but shouted.

_"We're on our way. It's just that... we're dealing with a... a situation..."_ James voice was interrupted by static as well as the sound of someone screaming in the background.

Garrus felt his blood freezing in his veins. "Shepard... Is she all right?" His question was met with silence. "Vega! Dammit!" Either the man didn't want to answer or something had interrupted the communication. There was no time for brooding. He had to move.

The smell of burning wet wood tickled his nose as he grabbed his rifle, not bothering to dissemble it, and disappeared in amongst the thick wall of growth that surrounded the camp.

* * * * *

Hands touched her, grabbed her. She fought back, thrashing against the vice-like grip on her wrists. Someone was holding her legs but she managed to wriggle free. Shepard kicked out, putting all strength she could behind it and was rewarded with a surprised yelp of pain.

"Shepard! Calm down!" Something in the voice was familiar enough that it broke through the blind panic. Her chest was heaving, struggling against the weight that had settled there. Her throat was soar as if she had been screaming and she could feel tears on her cheeks.

Shepard blinked and found herself looking straight into Kaidan's brown, troubled eyes. The weight eased as he lifted himself off her and she could draw a deep shaking breath.

"It's okay..." His voice was rough with emotions. "You're safe, Shepard." He wanted nothing more then to hold her but felt instinctively that she would flee like a wounded animal. Instead he moved back, gave her space. "No one's going to hurt you..." He watched as she shifted her gaze away from him to James who was sitting on his haunches by her legs, nursing a bloody nose.

"I-I'm sorry..." Her voice was small, trembling.

That more than anything rattled him. Commander Shepard didn't sound like a frightened teenager. James hid his feelings behind a grin that didn't quiet reach his worried eyes. "Hell, you've beaten me worse during sparring, Lola. I can take it, you know that. Now, come on, let's get the hell out of here." He rose, extending his hand to her. Shepard took it and he couldn't help but to notice how cold her hand was, how it trembled when he wrapped his fingers around hers and pulled her up on her feet. She looked like she was going to topple over and he steadied her with an arm around her shoulders but she tensed and moved away from him.

Her gaze settled on the chair. "Burn it."

James wasn't sure if he had heard her right. "What?"

Shepard turned her haunted eyes to the younger soldier. "You have incendiary ammo, don't you? I want that thing destroyed." Her voice was hard but there was still a frailty to it that made his heart ache for her. "Now, Lieutenant."

"Yes, ma'am." He glanced at Kaidan who stood there with pain written all over his face. The Major was torn between his wish to comfort Shepard and the knowledge that she wouldn't welcome his touch. Or any ones touch for that matter, James added, noticing how stiffly she held herself, shoulders tense, arms wrapped around her middle.

He cocked the shotgun, aimed at the metal chair and pulled the trigger. The sound of the shot was near deafening in the room and the burst of fire that enveloped the chair drove them back.

Shepard stared at the burning chair as if mesmerized. How many before her had been strapped to that thing? How many had been...

_No!_ She turned her back to the fire abruptly. _It's over. Forget it. Move on. Survive._ "T-there was a camera drone... "

James cleared his throat a little. "I... eh, I shot it."

Shepard nodded. "Good. Let's go." She started for the door, back very straight, fingers clutching the handle of the gun so hard that her knuckles whitening.

Kaidan and James exchanged a glance and followed her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Soundtrack: Run Through the Jungle - Creedence Clearwater Revival.**
> 
>  
> 
> _Whoa, thought it was a nightmare_  
>  _Lo, it was so true_  
>  _They told me, don't go walkin' slow_  
>  _The Devil's on the loose_
> 
> _You better run through the jungle..._

"Everyone ready?" Kaidan asked, reloading his SMG with a fresh thermo clip.

"As ready as we'll ever be", James mumbled. Outside the mercs were shooting at everything. There must be some blue on blue, he thought as he peered out through a crack in the door. From somewhere amongst the trees Garrus was adding to the general confusion, acting sniper and providing back up fire. Glancing over his shoulder he received a nod from Shepard. He pushed the door open. "Go, go, go!"

Wind, rain and bright morning light assailed her, almost blinding her after the many days in the dark cell. Shepard focused on keeping her head down. With no armour or shields she was easy prey. The noise of the guns was deafening. Everything was a blur. All she could do was to follow Kaidan and James as they made their way across the open ground.

Keeping Shepard between them, giving her as much cover as they could, they made a mad dash across the open ground. Garrus stepped out from behind the bush that had been his hiding place to lay down fire, covering their backs before he followed them into the jungle.

The wind wasn't as bad amongst the trees but the rain didn't let up. It drummed out a maddening staccato against the trees' interlaced canopies and showered them in large drops of tepid water. It made the ground slippery and treacherous. Shepard tripped over a protruding root, gritting her teeth against a cry as she lost her balance, her ankle twisting painfully under her. James hauled her up on her feet again. "You okay?"

She nodded. She was breathing hard, the black spots dancing before her eyes made her shake her head to clear it. Shepard forced herself to continue to run. Every step she took brought her one step farther away from the camp, the cell, the room where she had been...

A huge explosion behind them told them that the mercs were still in pursuit.

Ignoring her aching muscles, strained breath and the pain shooting up from her ankle, Shepard pushed on.

_You have to survive. You have to!_

The dense growth enveloped them as they left the camp behind. Shepard stumbled again and would have fallen if someone hadn't caught her. Strong, sure two-fingered hands, holding her steady.

"I got you, Shepard." Garrus dual toned voice was soft even with his breath coming fast and hard. She was slumping against him, completely spent. Her head was spinning and darkness clouded her vision. The lack of food, the drugs and the abuse was taking their toll on her. She was going down. Fast. "Hang in there. We're almost at the RV."

Shepard nodded. She wiped rainwater from her eyes, her hair, dirty and wet hung around her too pale face in dark ringlets. "I'll make it."

Garrus' mandibles shifted in a small smile. "I know you will."

They continued, keeping a slower pace now. Behind them they could hear shots still being fired and another explosion.

"They're not too bright are they", James said with a grin when he heard the proximity mines deliver the good news.

It was like walking through a wet wall of living green. Kaidan and James used their omni-blades to hack their way through it, not caring that they left a trace as big as a highway. So what if the mercs found their way to the RV. They wouldn't hang around long enough for it to matter. Cortez would be waiting with the shuttle to lift them off planet.

Garrus kept an eye on Shepard struggling on in front of him. She was a mess; she was trembling again and via his visor he could pick up her increasing body temperature. He couldn't help to notice the bruises on her bare arms and legs, the marks of restraints. What had they done to her? As if she had read his mind she glanced over her shoulder at him.

"I'm okay", she said, her dark eyes meeting his, begging him to believe her.

He nodded, knowing she was lying. Shepard wasn't okay. Something had happened to her. Garrus felt a growl want to claw its way up his throat. He wanted to rip those who had harmed her apart.

They pushed on. Even when Shepard thought her legs would give up under her she managed to put one foot in front of the other. She felt light-headed, dizzy and nauseated. She kept her eyes on the back of James who was walking in front of her and prayed she wouldn't faint.

"We need to stop for a second." It was Kaidan who spoke having seen Shepard falter. He handed her his canteen and two pills. "Salt", he explained when she hesitated. "You 're dehydrated."

Shepard took the two tablets and the worn canteen. The pills were bitter but the water was cool and soothing and she gulped it down. She leaned against the closest tree. It was wet and slippery with moss and fungus, not that it mattered. She was soaking wet herself and half-covered in mud.

"How are you feeling, Shepard?" Kaidan asked, watching as she took another long draught of water. "Careful. You'll make yourself sick."

"I feel fine", she mumbled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, giving Kaidan the canteen back.

"Really. You don't look fine." Kaidan activated his omni-tool and took a reading of her health status. The result made him frown. "The fever is back. I'm going to give you another dose of medi-gel." He looked up to find that Garrus was watching them. "It will take a couple of minutes for it to take effect."

The turian nodded. "Let's take a break. Vega, keep an eye out. I don't want anyone catching up with us."

"Sure thing." The young marine followed the trail they had cut through the dense foliage a couple of metres before setting up a stag point hidden from view behind a large plant with heart-shaped leaves and long, nasty-looking thorns. He shook water out of his eyes and wiped his hands on his fatigues in a futile attempt to wipe the mud from them. At least the rain kept most of the bugs away.

Shepard leaned her head against the rough bark, closing her eyes. Her heart was racing, cold sweat mingled with the rain that ran in rivulets down her back. It wasn't just the fever that made her shiver and tremble. It was the drugs. For days they had pumped her full of the shit and now she was starting to have withdrawal. It felt like ants were crawling all over her. She took a deep breath and then another. A hand touched her shoulder. She flinched, her eyes snapping open.

Garrus was sitting down next to her. He said nothing but she could see the questions churning in his blue eyes.

"Don't." She seemed so frail and the eyes that met his were dark and shattered.

"Shepard..." Garrus' voice hummed in her ears. He reached out to touch her again but she rose abruptly, putting some distance between herself and the former C-Sec Officer.

"We found a torture chamber", Kaidan said quietly from where he was sitting, half leaning against the remains of a fallen tree.

Garrus closed his eyes, something cold and black churned in his gut. Hate. "They tortured her? Why?"

Kaidan shook his head slowly. "I don't know. I'd like to say that they interrogated her, but..." He shrugged helplessly. His fists clenching and unclenching as if he wished he was squeezing the life out of Shepard's unknown abusers.

Garrus took a deep breath, struggling to rein in his anger fuelled by grief. "Someone's going to pay for this. With blood."

Kaidan met the enraged turian's gaze. The cold rage in his eyes was almost frightening. And Kaidan found himself wondering just how deep Garrus' feelings for Shepard were. Did he love her? Did she love him?

"We have to continue." Garrus' dual-toned voice was a rasp. He rose and checked the assault rifle he favoured in close combat situations, making sure it was loaded with a full thermo clip. "Move out."


	6. Chapter 6

It felt like they had been walking through the jungle forever. The sound of gunfire and explosions had faded away and they were moving through a dripping wet labyrinth of enormous trees covered in vines and layers of lichen and moss. As the sun rose higher and higher so did the temperature. The rain had stopped falling and gathered in puddles on every available surface. It where now starting to evaporate filling their world of green with mist. The tepid air was saturated with the smell of growth, of soil and decomposing leaves.

With the rain gone, the bugs returned. With a vengeance.

James cursed, swatting a mosquito that had started munching on the exposed skin of his neck.

They had set a slow but steady pace and were making good time. Kaidan was staying close to Shepard, taking readings of the status of her health ever so often, making sure the fever didn't rise and that she wasn't succumbing to dehydration. They still had about three hours walk to the clearing where Cortez would pick them up, but bit by bit the tension eased. The operation had been a success and they were going to make it off planet and back to the Normandy.

"We'll reach the river in a couple of minutes", Garrus said, having checked his nav. "Once there we'll contact Cortez and rest for a while. Then we follow the river to the RV. We'll be home before sunset." He glanced over at Shepard and caught her gaze. "How are you holding up?" She was shivering, arms wrapped around herself.

"I'm okay."

He huffed at her, exasperated with her stubborn denial. "Shepard..."

Her eyes flashed angrily at him, her jaw set. "I'm okay, Garrus. Now, back off!" She was turning away but he grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him.

"You are not okay, Shepard."

She reacted violently. Her fist impacting with his face before he even finished the sentence. Garrus stumbled back, completely taken by surprise. Shepard stalked off, her back adamantly turned to him.

James came up to the turian, putting a hand on his shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. "I'll go after her." He jogged off in the direction Shepard had headed, disappearing amongst the thick foliage.

Kaidan shifted his stance, as taken aback with the Commander's reaction as Garrus had been. "You're bleeding a little", he finally said. "You want me to take a look at it?"

"No!" Garrus all but pounced on the man. He knew he was taking his frustration out on the wrong person but he couldn't seem to rein in his anger. "I don't!" With a deep growl full of dark sub-harmonics he slammed his fist into the trunk of the tree next to him, crumbling the bark. With his knuckles aching he took a deep breath, then another, closing his eyes, leaning his forehead against the rough bark, letting the rage settle back in his gut again. "Tell me about the torture chamber."

* * * * *

James caught up with Shepard after a few metres. She was sitting on a tree-stump, almost doubled over, elbows resting on her knees, face buried in her hands. He stepped deliberately on a twig, breaking it, not wanting to startle her.

"Hey, Lola", he said softly, making sure he didn't get too close, giving her time to recompose herself. He shrugged out of his backpack and opened one of the outer pockets, pulled out a dark green plastic bottle and undid the lid, pouring some of the thick, acrid smelling oil into his hands, rubbing it into the exposed skin on his neck and face. He winced as the deet stung and burned in the scratches and bug bites he had gotten during the attack and the following escape. "You better deet up, Commander, the bugs are nasty here."

Shepard stared at the bottle before taking it. "Thanks", she mumbled and started rubbing the strong-smelling stuff on to her legs and arms. The sting of it as she rubbed it into scrapes and cuts was almost soothing. It dulled the black ache in her soul a little. She felt broken, soiled and filled with shame.

"You have to get it on your back too", James said taking the bottle from her. He sat down next to her on the tree stump and gently made she turn slightly so she was sitting with her back to him. He then started rubbing Deet on her back and shoulders. She tensed and he thought for a second that she was going to hit him too, then her shoulders slumped and quiet sobs shook her slender frame.

James said nothing, simply continued to gently rub the oil into her knotted muscles. Her skin was pale in comparison to his hands and smooth and delicate like fine silk against his callused palms. Little by little the tension seeped out of her and she relaxed somewhat.

"I hit Garrus", she said quietly. James could hear the tears in her voice. He wanted nothing more than to put an arm around her and comfort her but kept his distance, not wanting to make her feel threatened.

"Scars' a big bad turian", he said, keeping his tone light. "He can take it. Besides it's not like he can get any uglier."

This made Shepard turn to glance at him over her shoulder. "Garrus isn't ugly."

James didn't bother to hide his grin. "If you say so."

"He's just... different."

"If you say so", he repeated jokingly. She frowned at him but said nothing. James' heart sank. He had hoped she would give him either a sharp reply or a smart-ass comment, not this silent numbness. "I got an extra T-shirt in my pack if you want to wash up and change once we reach the river", he said, changing the subject.

She nodded. "Thanks", she mumbled in that quiet, hushed voice that was so unlike her.

* * * * *

Kaidan crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I don't know what to say, Garrus. There was a chair... sort of like a dentist-chair. There were straps on the armrests and the legs." His voice was low, dark. "There was blood. Lots of blood. And a camera drone. I took the memory-card."

"Good." The sub-harmonics in Garrus' voice was hard with anger. "Once we're back on the Normandy we can let EDI analyse the material and when we find the bastards behind this I'm going to put a bullet between their eyes." He looked up, meeting Kaidan's gaze with dark, troubled eyes.

"I'll come with you", the human biotic said in a voice that was rough with barely contained emotions. "I want to make sure they suffer before you shoot them."

Garrus gave Kaidan a look. "You don't want to go through official channels and have them arrested and tried legally? You surprise me, Major."

"You know as well as I do that to kidnap the Commander you have to be powerful, and connected. We would never be able to even arrest them, not to mention getting a trial. The guilty would just slip away." Kaidan's brown met the turian's blue. "Shepard has to get her own justice... her own vengence. And we have to help her."

"I agree."

The rustle of leafs made them turn to see Shepard return, followed by James. Garrus' heart ached when he saw how careful she carried herself, how shattered she was. Kaidan was right. Just shooting the ones that had done this wasn't enough. The bastards would suffer. They would see to that.

The small group continued towards the river in silence, the mosquitoes swarming around them in a buzzing cloud. The sun rose to its zenith and so did the heat. It was slow, hard work moving through the dense vegetation. They had to stop often to catch their breaths and drink a couple of mouthfuls of water to replace the fluids they lost sweating.

Shepard's strength was declining fast. Kaidan kept an eye on her and didn't like what he saw. She was shivering, her teeth clattering. The drugs were leaving her system and he suspected that she was suffering from withdrawal. He couldn't help but to feel another surge of hatred towards those who had done this to her.

When they finally reached the river it was a relief.

"Hallelujah..." James lowered his heavy pack with a grunt. He ran a hand through his short cropped hair. It was sticky with deet and days worth of sweat and grime.

Shepard squinted in the sudden sunlight. She stumbled towards the water. The bank was stony and the sharp shards of rock cut into her bare feet but she barely noticed. Shepard fell on her knees at the waterfront, cupping her hands in the cool water, washing her face and neck.

The river was slow moving, meandering along its narrow banks. The water itself was tainted slightly yellow, but it was cool and soothing on her flushed skin. James was busy going over his assault rifle and she could hear Garrus and Kaidan talking softly a few feet away. She had as much privacy as one could have when on the run through a jungle.

Steadying herself against one of the large boulders that protruded out into the water, Shepard stepped into the water.

"Here."

She turned to see James holding out a plastic bottle to her. Not the dark green bottle of Deet, but a pink one. She took it, flicking the lid open. A familiar smell rose to tickle her nose. She gave him a look, her eyebrows arching. "You brought a lavender scented soap into the jungle?" There was a hint of mirth in her voice, a glimpse of her old self, and it was good to see.

"Hygiene's important", he replied.

"It's lavender scented", she repeated. An amused smile quivered in the corner of her mouth.

James shrugged, grinning a little sheepishly. "Lavender is soothing."

Shepard could only shake her head at that. At the absurdity of bringing scented soap on a mission. Pink scented soap. Then the shadow of the torture, the abuse, fell over her again. The light in her eyes died. She turned her back to James, pulled off the A-shirt and placed it on the boulder beside her. Then, clutching the pink plastic bottle, she moved away from the bank until the water rose to her hips.

The marks and bruises on her body told a story she didn't want to remember. Couldn't remember.

_It didn't happen. Forget the... the things they did. Don't think about it. It didn't happen._

Shepard closed her eyes and emerged herself in the water in a feeble attempt to wash away the feeling of strangers' hands on her body. Of being invaded and ripped apart.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who has left a comment. :) I am thrilled that you like the story. Cheers everyone!

Garrus looked over Kaidan's shoulder at Shepard, standing in the water, washing herself, rubbing soap into her hair, rinsing it, then doing it again. She was scrubbing her arms, her abdomen... He froze. As a C-Sec Officer he had seen this behaviour before.

And the realisation of what had happened to Shepard hit him. "No..."

He could hear Kaidan inhale in a hiss as he came to the same conclusion. "Oh God..." The man's voice was flat, dead. "They raped her."

Garrus turned to James Vega who was standing a few feet away. "You knew?"

The young marine had tears in his eyes. "I suspected it. One of my friends sisters was raped. She acted in the same way. Just closed down. Never talked about it. Like she wanted to forget it had ever happened."

"What happened to her?" Kaidan asked in that same dull tone of voice.

James ran a hand over his eyes, wiping away the tears before they fell. "She started using red sand. Died of an overdose a year later."

Garrus wasn't listening. A rumble rose in his chest, a sound somewhere between a growl and a cry. He waded out into the water to where Shepard was standing, crying quietly, curled into herself. He pulled her into his embrace, wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "I'm sorry..." His dual-toned voice was rough, the sub-harmonics trembling. "I'm so sorry... I should have known."

She struggled against him, crying out, a sound of desperation, of soul-tearing pain. But he refused to let her go. He held her gently but firmly, leaning his head against her wet hair as she slumped in his arms. His voice, fractured, broken, reverberated in the emotional darkness she was enveloped in. "They won't get away with this, Shepard. I'll kill them. I promise. I'll hunt them down and kill them."

Sobs shook her slender frame. "Let go of me." Her voice was thin, frail like glass.

But Garrus shook his head. "Never." His mandibles moved against her hair when he spoke, his voice was soft, so soft, in her ear. "You are not alone in this, Shepard. I'm not leaving you. You'll get through this. You'll survive."

_You'll survive... You have to..._

Shepard took a trembling breath.

Kaidan and James were watching from the bank. Kaidan was still reeling from the revelation. Still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Shepard had been violated in such a crude, cruel way, when his comm crackled to life.

 _"...ground team... copy?"_ The transmission was broken up and interrupted by static.

"Cortez?" Kaidan lifted a hand to his ear. "Cortez are you there?"

 _"... can't get any... readings... all systems just shuts down..."_ Even with the low quality of the transmission, Kaidan could hear the confusion in the shuttle pilot's voice. _"Something is interrupting... reroute to emergency RV..."_

"Copy that", Kaidan said, hoping that Cortez could make out at least some of what he said. "We'll head to the emergency RV. ETA 71 hours." He rubbed a hand over his brow. "Shit."

"What's wrong, Major?" James asked, frowning at the tone in Kaidan's voice.

"Change of plans", he said, loud enough for Garrus and Shepard to hear it as well. "Cortez can't pick us up at the original RV. We have to continue to the emergency RV and hope that what ever it is that's blocking our communications and effecting the shuttle's system doesn't reach that far."

"So all this static isn't caused by the weather?" James sighed in exasperation. "Well that's just great."

"Yeah", Kaidan agreed. "At least our navs still work. And we seem to have manage to loose the Blue Suns."

"For now. They'll pick up on our trail soon enough. We didn't exactly bother with hiding our tracks. We need to move."

Garrus and Shepard were making their way back to the river's bank. The turian still had his arms around her, holding her upright. She looked completely spent and like she was going to faint at any moment.

Kaidan extended his hand to her. Shepard hesitated a moment before putting her hand in his, allowing him to help her out of the water. Despite what had just happen she was far from okay. The way she held her arms in front of herself, covering her breasts like a shy, frightened teenager, told him that.

"Let's get you some clothes," he said softly. They hadn't planned to stay more than three or four days on Pragia and had packed lightly. But both him and James had brought a change of clothes, just T-shirts and sweatpants to sleep in, but it would have to do.

It was with a sigh of relief Shepard pulled on the T-shirt James handed her. It was light grey, sporting a black Alliance logo on the chest. The sweatpants Kaidan provided was a faded black. Thankfully they had strings in the waistband so she could adjust them to fit her. They still hung low on her hips but at least they wouldn't fall down. She was still barefoot but the ground was soft enough and if she was careful she should be able to avoid stepping on anything nasty and poisonous.

She knew from experience that in about ten minutes she would be wet and dirty again. But for now at least she took some comfort in the fact that the clothes she wore was dry and reasonably clean. Kaidan was running one of his scans and the result made him frown. "How often did they drug you?"

Shepard shrugged. "I don't know. Every couple of hours, maybe. It was hard to keep track of time."

His eyes were drawn to the needle marks. Most had healed thanks to the medi-gel but not all of them. A few were red and swollen. She was still running a fever, still fighting an infection. He looked up and met her gaze. Her eyes seemed huge in her pale face, dark circles shadowed them.

"I-I think I'm having symptoms of withdrawal."

Kaidan nodded. He raised his hand to touch her cheek, then thought better of it and let the hand rest on his knee instead. "The medi-gel should take the edge of it, you'll feel like crap but you'll get through it. I'll help you... We will help you", he said. He hid his anxiety behind what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Come on, we need to put some distance between us and this place before it gets dark."

They started following the meandering river. Garrus took point with James covering their arches, leaving Kaidan to keep an eye on Shepard.

The vegetation was less dense as long as they kept to the river's sandy bank, but they left a trail even a child could follow. They would have to get back in amongst the trees soon enough.

It wasn't long before Shepard was shivering again. She blinked, trying to clear the black spots dancing before her eyes. Nausea made her double-over and she fell to her knees. Bile rose in her throat and she vomited. Tears leaked from her eyes silently as her stomach emptied itself of what little content it had held.

Kaidan knelt beside her, putting a comforting hand on her back as she gasped and coughed and vomited again. He brushed away the stands of hair that clung to her forehead and cheeks and gave her the water canteen. With shaking fingers, Shepard lifted it to her lips, taking a gulp, clearing her mouth and throat from the disgusting taste of bile.

"Thank you", she said between clattering teeth. She handed the canteen back to Kaidan and climbed back to her feet a little unsteadily.

They continued, turning away from the river and entering the jungle. The air was heavy to breathe and it wasn't long until Shepard was struggling again. Kaidan put an arm around her waist, taking some of her weight and helping her stay on her feet. She sagged against him, slipping in to a hazy state somewhere between unconsciousness and being awake.

"We have to stop!" He called out, gently lowering Shepard on to the ground, propping her up against a tree trunk. It was late afternoon. Under the thick canopy darkness had already started to fall.

Garrus, a large, almost threatening figure in the shadows made his way to them, stepping around the remains of a fallen tree completely overgrown by a vine with thick glossy leaves. "How's she doing?" He asked, his flanging voice revealing his worry.

"Not good", Kaidan replied, administering a dose of medi-gel. He looked up at the turian. "We have to set camp. If she makes it through the night she should be starting to get better tomorrow."

Garrus stared at the man. "If she makes it through the night?"

"Is Shepard going to die?" James was looking from Garrus to Kaidan. "You don't die from withdrawal do you?"

"It can happen", Kaidan replied reluctantly. "The shock caused by the rape and the abuse she's suffered combined with the abstinence strains her entire system..." He looked up at them with dark eyes. "We might lose her."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Soundtrack: In My Time of Dying – Led Zeppelin**
> 
>  
> 
> _In my time of dying, want nobody to mourn_  
>  _All I want for you to do is take my body home..._

Garrus watched Shepard drift into a fitful sleep. They had set camp between a large moss-covered boulder and a tree leaning drunkenly towards it. Using the ultralight tent-canvases they had made two makeshift shelters. Kaidan and James were setting up traps, planting the last of the mines, creating a safe perimeter around their small camp. If the Blue Suns were on their trail they would at least hear them coming.

It had started to rain again. The sound of it drumming against the leaves, the canvases, was almost hypnotic.

Shepard thrashed in her sleep, mumbling incoherently. She was calling out for her parents, her brother. The family she had lost on Mindoir. Garrus put a hand on her brow, frowning when he felt how hot she was. Her fever was rising again. She winced and curled up like a child, a scared sound clawing its way up her throat. "Mum... They shot Johnny!"

"Hush..." Garrus stretched out next to her, pulling her shivering form into his arms. "It's okay. You're safe, Shepard." He brushed his face against her hair. "No one is going to hurt you. You're safe..." The soft, soothing sub-harmonics in his voice must have penetrated her delirium because she turned around in his arms and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"I hid", she said in a small, trembling voice. "I heard them come into the house. I heard them kill mum and dad. I hid and I stayed quiet like they told me to."

There was nothing he could say to that. Garrus' heart bleed for the child she had been, for the woman she was now. She had been through so much, lost so much. And all he could give her were platitudes. "It will be all right. You're safe. I got you and I'm not letting you go." Platitudes. But he meant every word.

As evening turned into night the rain stopped falling and the jungle slowly filled with the sounds of night-living creatures. Kaidan and James had returned to the camp. Kaidan was watching over Shepard while James slept and Garrus walked the perimeter.

Shepard was thrashing again, restlessly moving her arms and legs. Her dark hair was plastered to her forehead, sticking to her cheeks. She was hot, burning up almost and yet she trembled, teeth clattering like she was freezing. Kaidan had given her as much medi-gel as he dared but it didn't seem to have any effect. The fever continued to rise.

"How's she doing?"

Kaidan looked up to find that Garrus had returned. "Not good", he said. "She is fighting though."

Garrus' mandibles moved in a smile. "Of course she is. That's what she does after all." He came over, knelt next to Shepard and brushed the damp hair away from her forehead. There was something so gentle in that simple touch, something so loving. It cut through Kaidan's heart. Jealousy. He told himself sternly he had no right to feel jealous. Not after Horizon, not after the things he had said. But he had felt betrayed and he'd had a hard time believing that it really was Shepard standing in front of him after believing for two years that she was dead.

"How did you know?" He asked, his voice rough.

"Know what?"

"That she was really Shepard and not some clone or an AI installed in an advanced synthetic body, designed to look like her?"

Garrus pondered the question for a few moments, he unconsciously touched the scarred side of his face. "You humans have a saying", he finally said. "The eyes are the window to the soul." His voice was soft, the flanging effect making it sound even more so. "I looked into her eyes and I knew..."

* * * * *

_You have to hide, darling..._

_Mum, no! Please, I want to stay with you and dad!_

_You can't. They're coming! You have to be quiet, honey. No matter what happens! You have to survive. You have to!_

_The girl hid behind the sacks of fertilisers in the back of the stockroom, curling up, making herself as small as she could. The sound of gunfire came closer and closer. Then she heard her father shout, telling the slavers to stay back, to leave them alone. There was a loud bang and the sound of glass breaking. Her mother screamed._

_The girl pressed her hands over her ears, and hid. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood so not to make a sound. The sound of a rifle being fired was impossibly loud._

_Her mother cried out. A long wail of desperation and grief. Then a second shot rang out and her mother's voice was abruptly cut off._

_The girl stayed behind the sacks in the dusty dark, listening as the slavers went through the house, breaking things, tipping over cupboards and shelves. She remained there, unmoving, hands pressed over her ears long after everything had gone quiet. She wanted to stay there forever but something drove her to crawl out from her small hiding-place. She made her way over to the door. It was locked but she knew the code. She was shaking as she left the stockroom._

_Glass crunched under her feet. It looked like a hurricane had gone through the house. Then she saw the blood. Rivulets of red on white floor tiles. She heard a scream without realising that it was her own._

_Her mother lay on her back in a pool of blood. Her father lay a few feet away on his side like he was sleeping. He seemed unharmed but when she turned him over, half of his face was a raw mass of gore. The slavers had shot him in the head._

_"No! No! Daddy!"_

_It was a nightmare. It had to be. It couldn't be real._

_Shepard had cried. Cried for her dead family, for herself. But she had climbed to her feet and left the house. Everywhere she looked she had seen blood and bodies. She had kept moving with a sort of numb stubbornness. She wouldn't give up. She had to survive._

_But in her fever-dream Shepard lay down, curled up next to her mother's body. She was so tired. So tired of being strong. Tired of the struggle. The bad memories..._

_Shepard closed her eyes. She stopped fighting and gave into the drowsiness, the seductive darkness._

* * * * *

Kaidan put a hand against the Commander's cheek. Her breath had become erratic and then weak, so weak he couldn't tell if she was breathing at all. "Shepard? Shepard wake up!" He looked up and met Garrus' worried eyes. "She is dying. We're loosing her!"

The panic in his voice woke up James who had been resting in the other shelter. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, his hands automatically going to his assault rifle. "What's going on?" But one look at the scene playing out told him enough. "Oh shit!" The feeling of helplessness was paralysing and he sank to his knees amongst the wet leafs that covered the ground, unable to do anything but pray.

Kaidan took Shepard's head in both hands, tilting back her face, about to attempt resuscitation on her lifeless body."Stay with me!" He took a deep breath of air and lowered his face to hers, pressing his warm lips to Shepard's oh so cold ones. He breathed long and deep into her still form. "Stay with me, Shepard... stay with me!" He did the chest compressions then breathed everything of his life into the woman he loved. The woman he had lost.

He felt a sudden convulsion in her body, then another as she fought to draw air. Tears welling in his eyes as Shepard's fluttered under lucid lids. She coughed and gasped, sucking oxygen into her lounges.

"Thank the Spirits!" Garrus had grabbed Kaidan's shoulder and was squeezing it so hard it was going to leave bruises.

Kaidan moved back a little. He rubbed a hand over his eyes. Relief mixed with heartache as he watched Garrus gently take Shepard into his arms, bringing his forehead to hers, whispering something quietly. Kaidan couldn't hear the words but the soft, purring sound spoke volumes. _He loves her..._

Shepard struggled to open her eyes. Using his visor Garrus could tell that her temperature finally was going down.

"Garrus...?" Her voice was weak, barely a whisper.

He smiled, gently touching her cheek. "Welcome back."

"What happened?"

"You nearly died", Garrus said. "Please don't do that again."

"I second that." James added from where he was still sitting on the wet ground. "It would look really bad on our service records if you did."

Shepard managed the palest hint of a smile. "I didn't know you where a career-man, Vega."

The marine shrugged and grinned, relieved to hear at least the shadow of that teasing tone in her voice again. "What can I say, you're rubbing off on me, Lola."

Shepard didn't reply. Her eyes had already closed again but in sleep this time. The crisis was over. James climbed to his feet. "I'll check the perimeter."

Garrus nodded. "All right", he said without taking his eyes off the woman in his arms. "You should get some rest, Kaidan. I'll wake you if anything changes."

Kaidan looked for a moment like he was going to say something, then he nodded and headed over to the second shelter.

James could see the tension in the way the Major squared his shoulders. He might not know the details but he knew enough. Even a blind man could tell that Kaidan still had feelings for Shepard. He couldn't help but to feel sorry for the man.

The rain had stopped. Water was still dripping from the leaves as he pushed past them to walk the perimeters of their camp. It was well past midnight. In an hour or two the night would start to fade into grey dusk but for now James had to use the night-vision goggles to penetrate the shadows.

The camp was quiet save for the distant sound of crickets and the occasional rustle of leaves. Shepard was sleeping soundly for what seemed the first time in ages. From the other shelter came the sounds of Kaidan snoring softly. Garrus could feel his own eyes grow heavy. The last days events were taking their toll on all of them. When James returned to the camp Garrus let him keep watch over Shepard while he woke up Kaidan so he could be on stag, and then got an hour of sleep himself before the sun rose.


	9. Chapter 9

The sound of voices woke him. Garrus forced his eyes open. It felt like it had been only a couple of seconds since he put his head down.

James who was sitting nearby munching on a protein bar, grinned at him. "Look who's up, our very own sleeping beauty."

"Shove it, Lieutenant", Garrus retorted but without real bite in his voice. His eyes worriedly scanned the area until they settled on Shepard. She was leaning against the large boulder with her arms crossed in front of her chest, glaring at Kaidan.

"I'm more than capable of handling something heavier than a gun", she said. "I feel fine."

"You are not fine", Kaidan replied exasperated. "You almost died, Shepard! Yes, your fever is down but you are still too weak-"

Shepard jutted her chin out defiantly. "I am not weak." She pushed away from the rock, going toe to toe with him. "Give me a rifle. That's an order, Major Alenko!"

"Shepard."

She whirled around and found herself looking directly into Garrus blue gaze. He was holding an M-97 Viper rifle. Her M-97 Viper. Her eyes strayed from the rifle and back to the turian. "I thought you would like to have it", he said handing her the weapon.

Shepard ran her fingers over it, over the familiar scratches and marks in the worn paintwork. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and wiped them away with an angry gesture. "I should have brought it with me", she said. "If I had, I could have fought them off. I could have-"

"What happened wasn't your fault", Garrus said. He longed to take her into his arms and smooth away that defeated frown on her too pale face. Had she been asleep he would have done so, but she was awake and she had enveloped herself in a brittle armour of self-control and stubbornness. If it cracked, so would she. So he let his arms drop and hoped that his voice and eyes would convey his emotions. "You didn't do anything wrong, Shepard."

She looked away, avoiding his gaze, her trembling hands clutching the sniper rifle. No matter what Garrus said she had been careless. That thought made her remember seeing Joker lying lifeless on the ground. One of the mercs had struck the young pilot on the back of his head with the butt of a pistol. "Did Joker make it?" she asked, swallowing down the anguish the memories brought.

"Yeah." Garrus nodded. "He was lucky. The cap must have softened the blow because he got away with a mild concussion, a cracked rib and some bruises."

"He was pissed off though", James added with a little chuckle, crunching up the protein bar's wrapper and stuffing it into one of the pockets of his backpack. "I don't think I've ever seen anyone so angry. I thought he was going to break a bone the way he carried on."

"Joker blames himself", Kaidan said having listened to their conversation. "He feels he should have been able to stop the kidnappers from taking you, despite his illness."

"He shouldn't be so hard on himself", Shepard said.

"Neither should you, Shepard", said Garrus quietly, watching as she focused her attention on her rifle, checking the Viper's scope and adjusted it slightly. "Neither should you."

They quickly assembled the camp, folding up the canvases, carefully removing every trace of their presence.

Despite not having much of an appetite, Shepard forced herself to eat a granola bar if only to stop Kaidan, James and Garrus from giving her worried looks every so often. The familiar taste of chocolate, nuts and raisins was almost surreal after the hell she had been through.

They were walking in a row with James once again in point position. Progress was slow due to the dense vegetation. And, Shepard suspected, because of her. Kaidan was right, she was not well even though she hated to admit it. She had to struggle to keep up even this slow pace but she continued to move doggedly. The weight of the rifle on her back was comforting. She felt better just knowing she would be able to defend herself and her team if something happened. Oh, that's right, she thought, correcting herself. This was Garrus' team. James had told her that the turian was the one who had planed the mission and acted as CO.

Shepard wasn't surprised. Like the Shadow Broker's dossier had said, Garrus possessed exceptional tactical and team-building skills as well as having leadership potential. Though, she recalled, it also said his talents were unlikely to fully develop if he remained under her command. I guess the Shadow Broker was wrong, Shepard mused in a fit of dark humour. All it took was me getting kidnapped to make him use his full potential as a leader. Maybe I should get kidnapped more often.

But the mirth was bitter, acrid. She would rather die then end up in the hands of her tormentors again.

Sunlight filtered down through the canopy turning the shadows into hues of emerald and jade. Pragia was a world of wild growing vines, giant trees, mosses and lichens. It was damp and hot and a test in endurance and patience to move through. But there was beauty here as well.

Shepard stared in amazement as a dragonfly the size of her lower arm passed above her head, its large wings humming. It sparkled like it had been bejewelled by some mischievous spirit.

James pushed aside a curtain of vines and came out into a clearing. The light changed, turning from gold and green to grey. He looked up and frowned. It looked as if someone had draped sheets on the branches of the surrounding trees. More of the greyish cloth expanded across the clearing, shutting out the sunlight. Then he realised what it was. Not sheets but layers upon layers of webbing. "I didn't know there were rachni on Pragia."

"I don't think it's the rachni", Garrus said slowly, examining one of the webs more closely.

"I have a bad feeling about this", Kaidan mumbled as they moved further into the clearing in a close formation.

"I bet the universe is dying to prove just how right you are", Garrus replied dryly.

A high pitched warbling cut through the humid morning.

"Told you so." The former C-Sec officer flashed the turian version of a grin.

Instinctively the men had positioned themselves around Shepard, ready to defend her. She gritted her teeth in annoyance but refrained from saying anything. She knew she was in a bad shape.

Kaidan glanced at his nav and cursed. "We've got multiple enemies closing in on us."

Another warbling came from the treetops and was answered by a veritable chorus. The eerie sound was repeated as more and more of the unseen creatures joined in. There was a horrible hunger and expectation in the sound that send chills down their backs.

Something moved high above them in the branches, something big enough to make the webs sway and cause a rain of dry leaves. Using the Viper's scope, Shepard caught a glimpse of a dark shadow moving too fast for her to focus in on it. "They're coming. Be ready!"

"I'm always ready", James said, cocking his heavy assault rifle.

"Famous last words", Garrus mumbled in teasing dual-tones.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Shepard couldn't help but to feel comforted listening to the light banter. Like the taste of chocolate and her sniper rifle it reminded her of the time before... before...

_Rough hands grabbing her, tearing at her clothes... She tried to fight. She struggled against the clamps holding her pinned to the metal chair. Panic surging through her..._

_No! No more! Please... I don't want to remember..._ Shepard closed her eyes tightly, struggling to keep her breathing normal, willing her heart to stop racing. This was not the time to get a panic-attack. Cold sweat beaded on her brow and she blinked trying to clear the darkness that threatened to close in on her.

Garrus, standing directly behind her noticed how she tensed, his visor picking up her increased pulse. "You okay, Shepard?"

"Keep your god damn eyes on the trees!" She gritted out more harshly then she had intended. "Dammit!" She took a deep breath, then another, holding the heavy Viper in a grip so hard her knuckles whitened.

The canopies around the clearing were moving, branches and webs swaying, leaves rustling as the creatures closed in on them. Then all of a sudden the warbling noises stopped. Slowly the branches and webs stopped swinging. The silence was thick with tension.

Shepard stepped on something round and hard. Thinking it was a stone she kicked it aside so not to trip on it if they were attacked. But something, perhaps the sensation of it against her bare foot, or the sound it made as it rolled away and came to a stop a few feet away from her, made her glance at it.

It wasn't a stone.

A human skull glared up at her with empty eye-sockets. "Oh God..." She mumbled, noticing for the first time how uneven the moss covered floor was. She had assumed that the clearing was littered with fallen down branches, moss-clad stones and protruding roots, but now that she knew what she was looking at she could make out more skulls and bones; remains of both humans and animals. "It's a killing ground!"

A rustle of leaves directly overhead made them all look up, weapons at a ready.

The creature sitting poised on the branch looked like a mad mix of a giant spider and a sloth, but in contrast to the slow-moving sloths on Earth, this creature was fast. It was covered in short dark grey fur and it had eight long powerful limbs that ended in hands with two opposing digits sporting curved talons used to hold onto the thick branches. In contrast with the dark body the flat face was white, naked, and eerily enough it had an almost human shape. The eyes too seemed almost human but the pupils were horizontal, slit-shaped and filled with hunger.

"What the hell is that?" Kaidan asked, not taking his eyes off the creature.

"One mean looking son of a bitch", that's for sure", James said quietly. "You've come across anything like this before, Scars?"

"No", Garrus replied, he too keeping his voice down. "But what ever it is, it doesn't look very friendly."

The creature tilted its head at the sound of their voices. It stared at them. The gaze held a calculating, predatory intelligence that was unnerving. Suddenly it hissed, and its mouth opened horizontally as well as diagonally in petal like flaps. A multiple jointed limb with a black fang protruding from its fleshy end shot out from the creature's pharynx towards James who was standing closest.

Instinctively they all pulled their triggers. The noise of the guns was deafening, echoing through the clearing and the beast literally exploded into blood and gore. At that short range their combined fire power was devastating.

"Damn!" someone exclaimed but Shepard's ears were ringing too much for her to make out who it was.

That mad warbling sound started again, high-pitched, eager and feral. It came from all around them, and Shepard realised that the creature she had shot had been a decoy. While it drew their attention, the rest of the pack had moved in. They were completely surrounded.


	10. Chapter 10

The fast moving predators jabbered and warbled, moving from branch to branch, effortlessly making their way down from the tree tops to circle their prey. They were about the same size as varrens but these creatures moved like hunting spiders, making sudden dashes and jumps. Their shiny eyes never leaving the group of people standing in close formation in the centre of the clearing.

With lightning speed, one of the creatures dropped down onto the ground and attacked. its mouth-flaps peeled back and the fleshy organ darted out. The black fang on the end of it nearly reached Shepard. She flinched, her mouth twisting in disgust. She pulled the trigger and the spider like thing exploded.

Then another of the beasts attacked. Kaidan threw a bolt of biotic energy at it, throwing the hissing creature back. He followed up with his gun, killing it instantly. But a second creature had already taken its place and a third were lowering itself down towards them using one of the webs. More of the spider-like predators milled down, crawling down tree trunks and webs or simply dropping down from the branches.

The high-pitched warble and the chatter increased in strength as the predators pressed in on them from all sides.

Shepard pulled the trigger and the heavy recoil sent the Viper's butt against her already sore shoulder. There was no need to use the scope with the beasts so close. She simply aimed and fired, killing yet another of the nasty creatures poised on one of the branches above them just as it prepared to pounce. Blood spurted from the red mass that seconds ago had been its head and it fell to the ground with a sickening thud.

"We can't keep this up forever", she said in between shots as more and more of the creatures welled down the trees and attacked them. "There's just too many of them."

Garrus nodded. "We'll have to cut a path through them and make a run for it."

"We're running away?" James asked, surprise colouring his voice.

"Call it a tactical retreat if it makes you feel better." Garrus reloaded his rifle. "I've got three clips left and I would prefer to not waste them just so you can die with your pride intact, Vega."

James grinned. "You just don't want me to become a bigger hero than you." He aimed a kick at one of the creatures coming too close to him, it skipped away only to attack again. The fang shot out. He tried to block it but it was like trying to block a striking cobra. The fang buried itself in his thigh. Instinctively, James grabbed the organ, yanking out the fang, but not before it injected him. Poison! It burned like acid and he gritted his teeth in pain.

The creature screeched and hissed, struggling against his grip, the limb writhed and twisted. With disgust written all over his face, James lifted the shotgun. He fired and the bullets ripped the beast apart. "Okay", he said, taking deep breaths, trying to ignore the burning pain spreading through his leg. "I see your point. Let's get the hell out of here." There was no time to worry about the poison. More and more creatures dropped down to attack them.

"Kaidan!" Shepard had to shout to make herself heard over the combined noise of gunfire and creatures screeching and hissing. "Can you create a biotic barrier to covers us?"

"I think so", he replied after using his gun on one of the spider-creatures. "You have to stay close though." He raised his hands and focused. The L-2 implant burned under his skin as he drew more power from it, feeding it into the barrier making it grow until it enveloped the others gathered around him.

"What are you planning?" Garrus asked, glancing at Shepard. She was breathing hard, sweat beading on her forehead. He didn't have to use the visor to tell that she was running a fever again. She had dark circles under her eyes but the gaze that met his was steady. She was in her element.

"If we use incendiary shots to set fire to as many of the webs as we can it might make them back off, or at least it should distract them long enough to give us a chance to get away. And Kaidan's barrier should keep us safe from the fire."

Garrus tilted his head in the turian version of arching a brow. "That's a lot of should's, Shepard."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Point taken." He took the incendiary clip James handed him and loaded his rifle. "Remember the derelict Collector ship?"

"How could I forget", Shepard drawled, loading the sniper rifle with a incendiary shot. "Wave after wave of collectors and husks. Fun times."

Garrus' mandibles twitched in a smile. "This will be a walk in the park in comparison."

"I'm glad you're so optimistic", she retorted.

"If we could get moving before my implant melts I'd appreciate it", Kaidan interrupted them.

Shepard gave him a small grin. "All right. Let's do this." It felt good to be in the heat of battle again, to have to focus on the here and now. Her heart was pumping and every breath felt sweet and rich like wine. Adrenaline fuelled her and drove away the fatigue, the trembling. Her hands were steady as she reloaded the rifle. To be alive so intensely was a joy in itself. She took aim on one of the webs spanning the area between two trees to her left and fired. The web burst into flames, and so did the predators sitting in it. They screamed as the intense heat caused their bodies to shrivel up. The stench of burning flesh spread in the clearing as more of the creatures caught fire.

Garrus and James followed her example, firing at the sheets of cobweb, setting them and the creatures in them aflame. The burning predators emitted shrill screams. Most of them started to flee, the panic spreading as more and more of them burst into flame. Only a few was still focused on their would be prey.

Smoke billowed as flames scorched the foliage, setting fire to the dry leaves. One of James' flash bangs detonated in the middle of the milling beasts, adding to the chaos. Blood and gore made the ground slippery and treacherous.

Kaidan's barrier sheltered them from the worst of the heat. Shepard and Garrus set fire to the webs, one after the other, while James focused on taking out the predators that came too close.

They were almost at the end of the clearing when James leg gave up under him and he stumbled.

"James!" Shepard grabbed him and managed to hold him upright,struggling under his weight. "Are you wounded?"

"One of the critters managed to sting me." He was fighting a loosing battle against the pain. The last steps had been sheer agony. He focused, aiming and firing from the hip, hitting one of the burning creatures coming towards them.

"You should have said something", Shepard scolded him.

James managed a grin despite the pain. "Aww you know me, Lola. I love to play the tough macho soldier."

She could only shake her head at that. They reached the end of the killing ground. Garrus fired his last incendiary shot at the web barring their way. It went up in flames. Not waiting for the fire to die down, they pushed through it. The heat was intense, the fire licking along the edge of the barrier.

Kaidan set his jaw, drawing more biotic energy from the implant to strengthen the barrier, keeping the fire from harming them. His temples were throbbing with the first signs of a migraine.

Beside him Garrus took over supporting James, giving Shepard a much needed respite. She was drained but willpower and sheer stubbornness made her continue to fight.

A whirring sound made Kaidan look up just in time to see a surveillance drone hover above the clearing. "Dammit! We've been spotted! We need to loose the drone and get as far away as possible before the mercs get here."

Shepard lifted her sniper rifle. The scope offered a close up of the hovering mech, of the red logo above its spindly tripod. A red eye...

She had seen that symbol before. The camera drone that had filmed while she was being tortured, raped, had had the same symbol.

_The Dealer... He is watching us._

The thought made her cold. She felt the taste of metal and salt in her mouth and realised she had bitten her lower lip bloody. She pulled the trigger and the drone exploded into pieces of metal and plastic.

Then the jungle swallowed them, hiding them. She let go of the breath she had been holding. No red eye could spy on them as long as they stayed under the protective roof of entangled branches and vines.

But the fact that he had found them. That he had watched them, had watched her, scared her more than she wanted to admit.

They pushed on, wanting to get as much distance between themselves and the mayhem as they could before they were forced to stop for a rest. Kaidan had given James a dose of medi-gel and after a couple of minutes the pain subsided enough that marine was able to walk on his own.

An animal-path, a cleared trail used by the local hoofed herbivores, enabled them to move more quickly. It was a relief to be able to walk without having to constantly keep watch for low hanging branches and vines. It wasn't long until the hysterical screeching noises and the stench of burning fur and flesh faded and disappeared completely.

They were once again enveloped in hundreds of nuances of green. They kept walking in a close formation as they made their through the jungle towards the ERV. It wasn't long until it started to live up to its name as rainforest.

They sky opened itself on them, hosing them down completely until they were all soaked to the skin.

Kaidan found he had a hard time keeping his eyes off Shepard, and he couldn't help to notice that both Garrus and James were struggling not to stare at her as well; the T-shirt she wore was sticking to her like a second skin revealing the curves of her breasts, her narrow waist and the feminine curve of her hips. He forced himself to look away. She had been through enough and the last thing she needed was them staring at her like some horny teenagers.

But despite his best efforts Kaidan found his gaze straying to her again and again. Even now, smudged with soot and with her hair hanging in wet ringlets around her face, with shadows under her eyes and bruises and bug bites all over her arms, she took his breath away.

He watched as Garrus briefly touched her hand and whispered something to her. The now familiar pang of grief and jealousy was an almost physical pain. It felt like someone had stabbed a knife through his heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **The Battle of Evermore – Led Zeppelin**  
>     
>  _Oh, dance in the dark of night_  
>  _Sing to the morning light_  
>  _The Dark Lord rides in force tonight_  
>  _And time will tell us all..._

The rainfall had intensified and thunder was rolling overhead. Shepard flopped down on the ground and leaned against the wet, slippery trunk of one of the giant trees. Midday had come and gone as they struggled on towards the ERV and now, as the day turned into a dark afternoon She was exhausted, completely drenched, and shivering again, her teeth clattering.

Kaidan knelt in front of her, his omni-tool bathing them in an orange glow as he took readings of her health status. He frowned. "Your temperature has gone up again." His warm hand lingered on her arm a moment as he administered a dose of medi-gel before he continued to check her over.

"How's James doing?" Shepard asked, glancing over to where the younger soldier sat slumped against a half-rotten tree stump.

"The medi-gel's working as an antidote. He'll be fine once the poison it out of his body." Kaidan said, he looked up from the omni-tool and into her eyes. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Kaidan..."

He gave her a half-smile. "I'm your medic, Shepard. I wouldn't be doing a very good job if I didn't worry about you." He handed her the canteen and a protein bar. "You need to eat and drink something." He rose, brushing wet leaves and twigs off his fatigues. "I'll check on you again before we move out."

"All right." She watched him make his way back to James and take a seat next to him. Shepard forced herself to take a bite of the protein bar. She chewed and swallow it down with tepid water. The rain played its monotone staccato against the leaves and the ground. She couldn't help but to wonder if there were surveillance drones hovering above the tree tops, searching for them.

The Dealer, who ever he was, wouldn't give up. He was out there somewhere. Hunting them. _No matter where I hide, he'll find me! He'll take me back to the cell. To the room with the blood splattered floor. He'll strap me into the chair again!_

That thought made panic well up inside her. Shepard's heart was racing, darkness crowding her vision. The protein bar turned into a lump of sticky sawdust in her mouth. Shepard struggled to swallow, almost gagging. She lifted the canteen to her mouth, her hands shaking so badly she spilled some of the water.

Then Garrus was there, wrapping his hand around hers, steadying it, holding the bottle so she could drink. "Shepard, we need to talk about this."

She blinked back the tears, struggling not the let the anxiety and fear overwhelm her. "No. We don't." She tried to yank her hand free from his grip but he didn't let her go.

"You can't let fear control you like this, you have to face it", he said, his dual-voice humming with emotions. "You know I'm right."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Her eyes were dark, midnight skies covered by storm clouds. "Let me go!"

"Not until you talk to me." His gaze didn't leave hers. "Tell me what happened."

"No", she gritted out. She tried to wrench her arm free again but he refused to let her go.

From where he was sitting Kaidan had seen the altercation, had seen Shepard struggle against the turian's grip. He rose, hurrying towards the couple. "What the hell are you doing, Garrus?"

The former C-Sec officer ignored the human. "Shepard, tell me what happened", he repeated. Thunder rumbled, closer now then it had been before. The storm was upon them.

"No!" Her voice was shrill, bordering on a scream. The desperation in it jolted Kaidan into action.

"Dammit, Garrus!" He grabbed the turian's shoulder to push him away from Shepard but someone was holding him back. James. He snapped his head around, brown meeting brown, as he looked into the younger soldier's eyes.

"Kaidan, Scars is right." James had to shout to make himself heard over the thunder. "She has to deal with this or it will tear her apart."

The rain was pouring down, drenching everything. Rivulets of water ran down Garrus' face, he blinked to clear away the raindrops blurring his vision. "Shepard, please..."

Sobs wracked her. "I can't..." But the memories welled up and refused to be pushed away.

_She woke up in darkness. Her head was throbbing, her muscles ached. The taste of blood in her mouth made her spit. A putrid stench of mildew and decay assailed her nose. It was nauseating._

_The sound of heavy footsteps came closer and closer until they filled her entire world. Then they stopped. The lock on the door changed from red to green and it slid open with a squeak. Light spilled in and she squinted at the dark figure standing out in stark relief against the brightness._

_Rough hands grabbed her, dragged her out from the cell, hoisting her to her feet. She struggled against them. "Who are you?" She demanded. "What do you want?"_

_The two men, both wearing the blue and white armour of the Blue Suns, didn't reply. She could have just as well been talking to mechs. The flickering light revealed a damp, derelict corridor. Mildew grew along the wall and the locked doors they passed were rusty, paint peeling._

_She tried to remain calm, to remember the E &A training that had been part of the N7- program, and tried again: "If it's credits you're after you should contact Admiral Steven Hackett of the Alliance Navy."_

_This made one of the men laugh. "The Dealer already has all the credits he'll ever need, honey. It's your screams he wants." With that he opened the door in front of them and pushed her through it. She stumbled but managed to remain on her feet._

_The room was big with white tiles on the floor and walls. In its centre stood a metal chair. Red and blue stains coloured the floor around it. Blood, and not only human blood. The chair itself reminded her somewhat of a dentist's chair but she had seen devices like this before. It was used during interrogation. During torture._

_The door on the opposite side of the room slid open with a soft hiss and three men dressed in black entered._

"I never saw their faces", Shepard said in clipped tones. The rain ran down her face to mingle with the tears. "T-they were wearing masks... black executioners' hoods." Her voice broke. "Please... I don't want to remember..."

Garrus looked into her shattered eyes. A part of him wanted to take her into his arm and tell her to forget it all, to wipe the torture, the rape, from her memory. But he knew that the only way she could start to heal was to face what had happened. And, selfishly perhaps, he needed to know who was the master mind behind it. He needed to know so he could hunt that person down and make him bleed, make him hurt like Shepard was hurting.

As a C-Sec officer he had dealt with victims of rape and abuse, and even torture. He had listen to testimonies given in the same hushed tone of voice as Shepard's, had seen the same shame in their eyes. He hated to see Shepard look so defeated. She was strong enough to overcome this. But she had to stop fleeing from the memories. If she continued to suppress them they would break her. He made his voice steady, the sub-harmonics hard. "What happened next."

Only James' hand on Kaidan's shoulder held him back. His hands curled into fists, knuckles white, tendons standing out like rope under the skin. This wasn't right! He knew what Garrus tried to do. But this was too brutal.

"Fuck." James' voice was hoarse. Like Kaidan he had to struggle not to simply throw himself at Garrus to stop him despite knowing why the turian did this.

Shepard's eyes were dark and stormy, hidden under lowered lids. Her voice was barely audible, drowned out by the sound of the rain. "They strapped me to the chair..."

_Hands tearing at her clothes... She tried to fight but it was impossible. Her pants and shirt were cut open with scissors and then torn from her body. She struggled against the clamps holding her pinned to her spot. Panic surging through her._

_"Who are you?" She demanded. Her voice sounded shrill and frightened even in her own ears. "What do you want?"_

_One of the men, positioned himself in front of her. He lifted two fingers to his ear, activating a comm. "We're ready to start now, sir."_

_A whirring sound was heard above her frightened gasps and the grunts from the men still struggling to remove the last remains of her clothes._

_A camera drone came floating to circle the scene. The lens zooming in on her._

_"Yes sir", the man said as if receiving instructions. The tone in his voice changed and she knew he was grinning under the mask. "My boys knows what they're doing, sir. You won't be disappointed." He ended the call and turned his attention back to her. The black hood covering his face made him seem more like an evil spirit or demon then a human. A nightmare come to life._

_She was in a spread eagle position, naked save for her panties and the top she'd had on underneath the Alliance standard issue shirt. Shepard felt acutely vulnerable. Goosebumps rose on her arms and legs, her stomach tightened into a knot. They were going to torture her and there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop them._

_Shepard forced herself to meet the eyes that shone like silver pennies through the holes in the mask. "Why are you doing this?"_

_"Because the Dealer pays us to", he replied. "It's nothing personal, Commander. But I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't enjoy it." She could hear the cruel smile in his rough voice again. The camera drone was hovering, positioning itself above his shoulder as the man gave his two companions a nod. "Let's begin."_

"They took turns raping me", she whispered. Her eyes were wide and she stared blindly out into the rain and the gathering shadows. "I tried not to scream but they... " Her voice trailed off and she had to start over "They were... professionals. "They knew how to hurt me enough to make me scream without causing too much damage", she said, meeting his gaze. "Is this what you wanted to hear?"

The tone in her voice cut into his heart but he forced himself to continue. "Who's the Dealer?"

"I don't know", Shepard replied quietly. "I never saw him."

"But you must have some idea of who it is", he pressed.

She shook her head. "I don't. "

Garrus put his hand on her shoulders, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Think, Shepard. There must be some clue to who-"

Shepard's tempered flared. "I don't know!" She shouted. "The Dealer paid the Blue Suns to kidnap me and he paid those men to torture and rape me! That's all I know!"

Emotions reeling, frustration mixed with anger and grief got the better of him and his voice rose to match hers. "Focus!" She tried to free herself from his grip but he didn't let her go. "Someone might have said or done something that -"

"That's enough, Garrus!" Kaidan's voice was stern, he closed the distance between them in a few short strides. He pushed Shepard behind him and met the turian undaunted, his brown eyes flashing. "This isn't C-Sec and Shepard isn't one of your crime victims! Back off!"

Garrus' mandibles were pressed tightly against his face. But he knew the man was right. One look at Shepard told him he had gone too far. "I'm sorry", he said, his eyes meeting hers. "I just..."

She turned away from him before he could finish the sentence. "James, how far are we from the ERV?" Her voice was hard, frail like crystal as she struggled to not succumb to the maelstrom of emotions that threatened to drown her.

James wiped the rain out of his eyes, activating the nav. "Uh... 12 clicks, Commander. In this terrain it will take us about 24 hours."

Shepard took a couple of deep breaths. She could feel their eyes on her and turned to meet their gazes. James' showed concern and sympathy. Kaidan's were dark, troubled. And Garrus... She turned her back to him, pretending to checked her weapons, unable to stand the intensity in his eyes. It was all too much. She didn't bother to hold back the tears. In the heavy rain no one could see that she was crying anyway. "Kaidan, you take point", she managed. "The faster we get off this damn planet, the better."

"Aye aye, ma'am." Kaidan drew his assault rifle and cocked it. He pushed aside a curtain of greenery and stepped out onto the narrow animal-trail that would take them in the direction of the ERV.

The wind had picked up, whipping the tree tops, causing a steady downfall of leaves and twigs. The group walked in silence, slowly making their way through the jungle.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to everyone for all the kudos. :)

Evening fell as they reached the end of the trail they had followed. A small stream was crossing their path. It wasn't more than a shallow brook that had expanded over its small banks because of all the rain. It flooded the ground around it, turning it into a thick mud.

"Great", James muttered with a sigh, taking a precarious step, balancing on the slippery rocks. At least the rain kept the mozzies away, he thought in an attempt to cheer himself up as he tried to avoid the water and the mud. The doses of medi-gel had rid his body of the poison and the burning pain had subsided to a dull ache. James was knackered, but no more than the others, and probably less than Shepard. It was stubbornness alone that kept her on her feet. He extended his towards her, steadying her as she made her way across the brook, balancing on the stones.

Shepard had rolled up the black sweatpants and her legs and feet were streaked with mud and dirt, but now the rain and the water washed them clean, revealing the many scratches and bruises again. He held her hand, lending her what strength he could as they made their to higher ground. Her fever had gone up again and she looked completely exhausted.

James gave her hand an encouraging squeeze before he quickened his pace so he came up along side Kaidan. "We better find somewhere to set camp." He had to raise his voice to make himself heard over the eternal tap tap tap of the rain.

The Alliance Major nodded. "I know." He stopped, turned around and waited as Garrus traversed the brook with his usual economical elegance. Even through the rain and the gathering darkness he could see the tension in the turian's eyes, in the way he kept glancing at Shepard.

"What's going on?" Garrus asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Water was pouring down, giving his armour a shiny, slick appearance in the half-light.

"We need to find somewhere to lay up for the night", Kaidan said. He pulled up a holo map over the area on his omni-tool. It wasn't very detailed. Not even EDI's advanced scanners could penetrate the super-growth covering Pragia's surface. "It looks like there's a cliff formation to the east of us. If we're lucky it should give us some shelter from the rain."

"Sounds good." Garrus updated his nav-point. "It will be about an hour's walk if we keep up the pace." He turned to Shepard. His heart ached at the state she was in but he kept his voice neutral. "It will get pitch black soon. We don't have an extra pair of night vision goggles so one of us will have to lead you."

She glanced at him but avoided to meet his gaze. "All right", she mumbled. She was shivering, too cold and at the same time she felt like she was burning up.

They started walking again and James fell in beside her. "How are you holding up, Lola?"

"I'll make it", she mumbled.

He gave her a look, hesitated a moment or two, but then he said. "Garrus didn't mean to... I mean, he's just trying to help the best he can."

"Yeah..." She said slowly. "I know."

"You want me to talk to him?"

The look she gave him made him put his hands up in a pacifying gesture but he didn't give up. "All right, it's none of my business, I get it. But you don't have to deal with this alone. I'm here for you, Lola. What ever you need."

Before Shepard could respond Kaidan, who was walking a few steps in front of them, suddenly stopped, signalling to them to do the same. He made his way back to them, moving slowly, careful not to make any noise. They sank down in a huddle.

Shepard was grateful to get a moments respite. An oversized broad leaved Hosta gave some shelter from the rain. She took the opportunity to refill the water canteen from the rainwater that had gathered in one of the unfurled leaves. She drank a mouthful and passed the canteen on.

"There's a long strip that's been clear-cut directly in front of us", Kaidan said, accepting the canteen, taking a gulp before continuing. "There is no way we can walk around it and hope to reach the cliff formation tonight."

"Did you see any movements?" Garrus asked. He had been keeping back but now he joined them, wiping rainwater from his face as he crouched next to James.

The Major shook his head. "I didn't see anything. Even with the night vision goggles visibility is low because of the rain. There's nothing on the radar, though I'm not sure if we can trust it", he continued. "It might be effected by whatever it is that's blocking our comms." He looked around, meeting their tired eyes. "Should we take the risk and cross the clearing or do we find an alternative camp site?"

Garrus assessed the team. James seemed to be in pretty good condition despite his close encounter with the spiderlike creatures in the clearing. Kaidan had dark circles under his eyes and was rubbing his forehead in a way that Garrus knew meant he was having one of his headaches.

They were low on thermal clips and even though Kaidan hadn't said anything, Garrus suspected that he was worried about running out of medi-gel. He shifted his gaze to Shepard. It was obvious that she was exhausted and sick. They needed to get her out of the rain. Garrus realised that they didn't have much of a choice. They would have to trust their experience and skill, and their luck, and cross the clear cut area.

"We'll move fast and we do it now", he said. "Kaidan, you and Shepard go first. James and I will provide back up fire if needed." By separating them into two groups and keeping a distance between them they would reduce the risk of all of them walking into an ambush.

Kaidan nodded. It was a good plan under the circumstances. "All right", he said, donning the Night Vision goggles. The world turned from black shadows to hues of bright greens. "Let's move out."

They made their way to the edge of the jungle. Although they knew it couldn't have been more then days since the area had been cleared it was already being re-populated. Grass and creeping vines covered the ground and here and there saplings had taken root.

Shepard stared at the open expanse, squinting against the downpour. The rain was even heavier without the trees' protection. But that was not why she hesitated. They would be completely exposed once they left the tree-line. The fear was like a bitter taste in her mouth. She hated feeling so vulnerable and weak. She swallowed the anxiety when Kaidan turned to her. "Ready?"

She nodded. "Let's do this."

They left the trees. The Night Vision goggles made Kaidan look almost alien. They moved in a half-crouch to make themselves as small a targets as possible. Shepard kept close to him. The rain beat down on them. The wind had subsides but it was still colder than it had been amongst the trees.

Shepard shivered. She knew it wasn't just the cold that made her tremble but the fever combined with fear that effected her. She held the Viper at a ready and kept close to Kaidan so not to lose him in the dark and the rain. It was impossible to see more than a few feet. Thunder rolled overhead drowning out even the sound of the rain. Shepard kept glancing at the radar Garrus had reactivated for her sometime during the last night when he had kept watch over her. It revealed nothing, but like Kaidan she didn't trust it. A quick test of the comm-implant had confirmed their suspicions. They were still blocked by the scrambling signal that cut them off from contacting Corteze or the Normandy.

Garrus and James watched as Kaidan and Shepard left the safety of the trees. They gave them a couple of metres head start before following. They were keeping their distance so they could provide back up if Kaidan and Shepard walked into any trouble.

Shepard and Kaidan were almost half-way across when a bright light suddenly flared above the tree-line on the other side of the clearing. Then the distinct sound of an engine was heard over the drumming rain. It came closer and closer at an alarming speed.

"It's a gunship!" Kaidan shouted. He and Shepard threw themselves on the ground as the sleek dolphin-like silhouette of an A-61 Mantis came flying towards them on low altitude.

The gunship's single headlight cut through the darkness and the rain. Kaidan cursed and tore the NV-goggles off. He was blinking, trying to clear his vision after the sudden light had blinded him.

"Do you think it's looking for us?" James asked quietly. He watched with a worried frown as the Mantis moved too and fro as if searching for something, or someone.

"I don't know", Garrus mumbled, not taking his eyes of the sleek aircraft. They had been lucky enough to find shelter behind a large tree stump and the turian had drawn his Black Widow and had the gunship in his scope. If visibility had been better he would have been able to force the Mantis to pull back with a couple of shots aimed at the gunship's vulnerable points. But the darkness and the rain that hid them from its view also worked against him. He couldn't get a clear line of sight. They were going to have to take it down by sheer brutal force rather then rely on marksmanship.

Shepard lay flat against the ground, breathing in the smell of wet soil and grass. The sound of the gunship was deafening. It was almost upon them. She held her breath, hoping against hope that it hadn't spotted them. Then a round from the belly-mounted M350 mass-accelerator machine guns ripped through the night.

Instinctively Kaidan activated and increased his biotic barrier to envelope Shepard as bullets smacked into the ground around them.

"Concentrate the fire to the cockpit!" Garrus shouted.

"Affirmative", James replied automatically. He took careful aim at the hovering gunship and pulled the trigger. Like Garrus he knew they would have to make every bullet count.

The Mantis reacted immediately. It moved forward in search of the new threat. Kaidan and Shepard took the opportunity to dive into cover behind one of the fast growing shrubs that had already started to fill up the open area.

Then all hell broke loose as a twelve man unit of Blue Sun mercs burst out of the jungle behind the gunship.


	13. Chapter 13

"Dammit!" Garrus cursed. Shepard and Kaidan were pinned between the gunship and the mercenaries. Then he cursed again as a PK rocket exploded just to the right of him and James, showering them with wet soil and tufts of grass. "I really hate those things!"

"That is so unfair!" James hissed, firing a round at the approaching Mantis. "How come they can have a bird up?"

"They must be using an IFF-system*" Garrus said in between the explosions. "It scrambles our frequencies while leaving theirs alone."

The same insight had struck Shepard. She ignored the onslaught of mercs and activated her omni-tool.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kaidan asked. He sent a bolt of biotic energy at an approaching merc, sending the man flying back to land in a heap on the wet muddy ground.

Shepard blinked rainwater from her eyes. "I might be able to connect to their system and hack it." She had to shout to make herself heard over the gunfire. "I just need to some time to find the right frequencies."

Kaidan nodded. "I can keep the mercs off us, but not for long. You better be sure about this, Shepard."

She flashed him a grin. "Trust me."

Kaidan couldn't help but to return the smile. The rush of battle was like a drug wiping away their fatigue, quickening their pulses. Shepard focused on the omni-screen, code-sequences flashed across it. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she tried to access the right codes. Kaidan was laying down a heavy barrage of fire, keeping the mercs from crowding them. He used biotic energy to weaken the shields of a female Blue Sun soldier before downing her with a couple of well-aimed shots that hit her square in the chest. It was bloody, messy and brutal.

On the other side of the battlefield the Mantis let loose another volley from the M350 machine guns.

"Jesus!" James shouted as the bullets almost took out his shields. He ducked behind the tree stump. "We're being ripped apart!"

Garrus was inclined to agree. He was down to two shots. The gunship's windscreen showed a cobweb of cracks. It was more or less intact but a couple of well placed hits would take it out, exposing the pilot. Garrus took a deep breath. With so few shots left he would have to make sure every one of them hit the target perfectly.

Kaidan had focused his attention on the mercs, taking them out, keeping them at bay. By relying on his biotic powers he had managed to decimated the Blue Sun's troop and only three of the original twelve remained. He was aiming at one man who's tech-armour had protected him so far when a shrill screeching in his ear almost drove him to his knees. Combined with the headache it felt like someone was driving a drill straight through his brain. Then the screech was replaced by the Blue Sun's communications as Shepard managed to hack the IFF- system that had scrambled their comms.

_"We have a positive visual of the cargo",_ an unfamiliar voice said. _"She is in the company of Major Kaidan Alenko, Lieutenant James Vega, and a turian identified as Garrus Vakarian. Standing by for orders."_

_"The Dealer wants Shepard back at any cost",_ came the reply. _"Retrieve her and kill the others."_

The words made a cold shiver run down Kaidan's spine but there was no time to ponder the implications as James' frantic voice cut through the static and the instructions given by the Blue Sun's commander.

_"What the hell are you doing, Scars?"_ There was an edge in his voice that made Shepard whirl around and gaze through the rain and the darkness towards the gunship behind them.

The turian stood out starkly in the Mantis' headlight, fully exposed. He lifted the heavy Black Widow, aiming carefully as if he had all the time in the world. The gunship zeroed in on him and fired.

"Garrus! No!" Shepard's voice cut through the heavy sound of gunfire. Not caring about her own safety she started running towards him.

The first round shattered Garrus' shields. He stood his ground and took aim. Inhaled. Held his breath and pulled the trigger.

The shot hit perfectly. The left side of the Mantis' windscreen turned white as the impact caused it to crack.

Shepard felt her heart jolt as the aircraft let loose another volley. Bullets slammed into the wet ground around Garrus. Then he staggered back and she realised that he had been hit. "Garrus!"

He lifted the heavy sniper rifle a second time and aimed. Through the scope he got a close up of the batarian piloting the Mantis. Garrus pulled the trigger just as the pilot did the same.

Everything seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time.

Kaidan had quickly downed the last of the mercs after having taken out his shields. Now he spun around. "Shepard!" She was a small figure, struggling through the rain and the darkness, running towards the Mantis, towards Garrus.

The gunship's windscreen exploded. Garrus was flung back. He hit the ground hard. Then James rose up from behind the cover, firing. The batarian pilot, strapped into his seat, jerked and twitched as he was riddled with bullets. He slumped, his body-weight pressing against the Mantis' controls. The engines revved and the aircraft jerked forward and went into a spin.

Unheeding the danger the Mantis still possessed, Shepard reached Garrus. He lay where he had fallen in the mud, his eyes closed. James was kneeling by his side, holding his hand pressed against the turian's neck. He looked up meeting Shepard's eyes.

"One of the Manit's shots grazed his neck pretty bad", he said. "Shepard, he's barely breathing..."

"No! I'm not losing him!" Shepard put her hand against the turian's scarred face, her other hand searching for his pulse. The skin on his throat was slick and she nearly sobbed when she saw the dark blue blood that now covered not only James' hand but her fingers as well. But there was a pulse. Garrus was still alive. Relief flooded her. She brought her mouth to his, forcing her breath into his lungs.

Above them metal and engines screamed in protest as the Mantis spun into a downward spiral.

Kaidan forced his tired body forward. His breath came short and hard as he pressed himself to run faster. Like an angel of doom and certain death the Mantis descended with a roar. He shouted a warning but it drowned in the noise of the failing engines.

Gritting his teeth, he focused, drawing all he could from the L2-implant. It burned at the back of his neck and a spike of pain behind his eyes told him he would have to pay for abusing his biotic gifts later. His body hummed, the energy gathering in his hands flared. With a grunt he released the massive bolt, sending it towards the Mantis. It hit the crashing aircraft, knocking it out of the fatal course.

The A-61 Mantis hit the ground, missing Shepard, James and Garrus with a few, but vital metres.

James saw the flames out of the corner of his eye and threw himself on top of Garrus and Shepard, using his body and his shields to protect them from the explosion and the following shock-wave.

Kaidan was knocked back, his ears ringing. But he climbed to his feet again and forced himself to continue. He reached them, almost falling to his knees beside Garrus' still form.

Shepard's eyes were large and dark as she looked up and met Kaidan's gaze. "He isn't breathing and he's bleeding from an injury on his neck." Her voice was trembling.

"He'll make it", Kaidan promised with a calm he didn't feel as he quickly prepared a shot of dextro-protein based medi-gel. "Keep up the mouth-to-mouth. I'm not sure how long it will take for the medi-gel to work." He injected the healing substance directly into a vein in Garrus' neck. He could feel the faint flutter of the pulse against his fingers as he changed place with James and quickly examined the gash. It was wide, gaping but thankfully the jugular vein was undamaged.

"Shepard managed to take down the IFF", he said as James moved back to give him some room. "See if you can contact Cortez or the Normandy."

The marine nodded. He rose, moved a few steps away and activated his comm, but all he got was static. James cursed under his breath but didn't give up. He tried different frequencies, his voice dropping to a moth-flutter in the background as he moved further away, searching the bodies of a dead Blue Sun merc for thermal clips and medi-gel.

Shepard pressed her mouth to Garrus'. _Please..._ she prayed to any god or spirit who might listen. _Please let him live... I can't lose him... Please..._

Suddenly Garrus coughed and drew a gulping breath on his own. His eyes opened and he found himself looking directly into Shepard's darker gaze. His mandibles fluttered against the palm of her hand as she caressed his face.

"Shepard..." He managed, his dual-toned voice raspy.

"Don't ever do something that stupid again", she said sternly as tears of relief veiled her eyes.

His mandibles twitched in a smile. "I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

Kaidan's face came into view. "How are you feeling? Do you think you can manage to sit up?"

Garrus nodded. He winced as the movement strained the wound but with the help of Kaidan and Shepard he managed to sit. "I'm okay", he said. "We need to try to reach Cortez."

"James is on it", Kaidan said as he checked Garrus' vitals. He was pleased to see that they were improving, and he couldn't help but to pick up on the turian's increase in pulse every time Shepard touched him. Which she did, frequently, as if she wanted to make sure that he was still there, still alive.

James returned to them, shaking his head. "I can't get through", he said. "Sorry."

"But I hacked the IFF and unscrambled our frequencies!" Shepard gritted her teeth in annoyance. "They can't have created new firewalls that fast!" She activated her omni-tool, trying to access the IFF-system again but the encryption was too complex. "This is impossible! I got through!"

"It's all right, Shepard", Kaidan said, putting a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. It wasn't like her to be so volatile. But after all that had happened he could understand it. "We have a plan of action, remember? We'll continue to the ERV. Cortez will pick us up there."

"I found some thermal clips and a couple of doses of medi-gel though", James said.

"Good", Kaidan said, giving the younger soldier a thumbs up. "We should search the rest of the bodies as well." He rose, wiping Garrus blue blood off his hands. Proper hygiene would have to wait until they were back amongst the trees and in relatively safety again.

The exchange between the mercs pressed in on them though no one commented on what they had overheard. Kaidan examined the injury that marred the side of Garrus' throat one last time. It had started to heal and he wasn't in any immediate danger of bleeding out. They needed to move.

The silence after the gunfight and the explosions was almost strange. The wreck of the Mantis still burned and a thick black smoke rose from the flames. Rain was pouring down and Shepard had started to shiver again as they made their way across the clear cut area. James and Kaidan stopped every so often to search the bodies of the Blue Sun mercenaries that had attacked them.

\---------------------------------------------------------

*** IFF - Identification: Friend of Foe (Thank you for that one, Cyan, I'm much obliged.)**

**I know that strictly speaking bullets aren't used in the ME-universe. But what the hey, this is fan fiction so I'm taking some liberties with the technology of it, mostly because I don't have the time to do proper research. I'll edit the story once its finished and fix the stuff I mess up.**

**Also, honestly I thought I would get our heroes to the cliffs in this chapter. I had no idea that Garrus would be shot. Hopefully they'll get to set camp without being attacked or almost killed in the next chapter :)**


	14. Chapter 14

They had crossed the clear cut area without any more drama and entered the jungle on the other side.

The encounter with the gunship and the mercenaries had taken its toll on them all and they were moving slowly. Too slow. The threat of capture was all too real now. They where making their way through dense foliage and overhanging tree branches with Garrus in the lead. After having walked for what felt like an eternity the turian suddenly stopped.

He held up a fist, freezing Kaidan and James in their tracks, with Shepard stopping slower, confused until Kaidan put a hand on her shoulder pulling her back against him. Her fever had gone up again and she seemed to be almost sleepwalking as if she had drained her very last reserves of energy. He had given her medi-gel but he knew that what she really needed, what they all needed, was rest. Something in Garrus' stance made Kaidan abandon his train of thought and look up. His jaw dropped and he blinked, wondering for a brief second if he could trust his eyes.

"What's going on?" James asked bewildered. Then he saw it too. "What the... " His eyes followed lines created by sentient beings rather than nature.

They had reached the cliff formation only to find that it wasn't a cliff at all but ruins.

The sculptured, smooth stone glistened wetly in the faint light seeping down through the interlaced tree tops.

"It looks Prothean", Kaidan said. "Remember Ilos?"

"All too well", Garrus replied darkly. "It doesn't matter if it's Prothean or not. We need to get out of the rain."

Kaidan took one look on Shepard's pallid face and nodded. "Agreed."

They followed the remains of an ancient road. The ruins towered over them, majestic and mysterious in the faint light that filtered down through the interlaced tree tops. The eerie atmosphere of the ancient structures enveloped them. Only Shepard seemed comfortable and at ease. She constantly stopped to touch a statue or run her fingers over a relief-pattern on a wall. Kaidan had to nudge her on with a hand on her shoulder when she once again became distracted by something.

Vines coiled around broken pillars and hung like living garlands across walls and fallen down battlements. The ground was carpeted with a thick layer of moss that swallowed the sound of their footsteps.

"It's like I've been here before", Shepard mumbled when Kaidan urged her on.

"Maybe you saw this place in the vision you received from the beacon on Eden Prime?" he suggested gently. He didn't like the almost dazed state she was in and when he exchanged a look with Garrus he could see the same worry in the turian's gaze.

"Stay with Shepard. Vega and I will check the place out", Garrus said. "I've had enough of surprises to last me a lifetime."

Kaidan nodded. "Be careful."

"You too", Garrus replied. But his eyes were on Shepard as he followed James deeper into the ruins.

Kaidan watched them until they were swallowed up by the shadows, then he turned his attention back to Shepard. She was sitting down, leaning against one of the broken pillars, humming softly to herself. He sat down next to her, activated his omni-tool and checked her vitals. Her high fever combined with the almost trance-like state worried him, but her heartbeat was steady and strong and it seemed the medi-gel had finally dealt with the infection.

He leaned back against the pillar and looked up at the canopy that spread out above them, hiding them from the light of the moon, and any gunship or drones that might be on the prowl. The silence spread out around them, strangely deep and dense. Kaidan closed his eyes. The beginning of a migraine attack throbbed behind his eyeballs and he knew he would have to take a dose of medi-gel to stifle it. Beside him Shepard was a warm presence. When she snuggled closer to him he draped his arm loosely around her, enjoying the feeling of her head on his shoulder and the way her body seemed to mould itself to his when she curled up against him.

In the back of his mind a warning tingled, telling him that something was wrong, but he was too tired to even try to make sense of it.

* * * * *

Garrus and James had found a path trailing through a series of broken arches, leading deeper into the ruin. James glanced up at a strange, primitive, serpent-like shape that was carved into of one of the arches.

"This is creepy as hell", James said as he and Garrus made their way inside the Prothean ruin. The beams of their flash lights revealed statues lining a wide avenue leading downwards in a gentle slope. Pragia's strangling flora had claimed even this ancient underground place.

Garrus stepped over a root that had burst through the flagstones. Vines, ferns and moss softened the contours of the decayed structure and he realised that sunlight must somehow make its way down here during the day. The smell of damp vegetation mixed with the dry, mineral smell of ancient stone as they followed the narrowing avenue down into the underground.

The darkness was inky black and their footsteps echoed in the hall. The roof domed above them, disappearing in the shadows as the hall continued to go deeper and deeper into the earth.

"What do you think this place was used for?" James asked. He let his flash light sweep over a statues of Protheans in what looked like ceremonial poses. "Did you see anything like this on Ilos?"

"The ruins on Ilos was crawling with geth. We didn't any time to study the artefacts", Garrus replied. "But I think I would have remembered seeing something like this." The beam lit up a statue depicting two Protheans in a passionate and intimate embrace.

James' eyebrows rose. "Are they doing what I think they're doing?" Then a grin spread across his handsome face. "Damn, I wish Liara was here to see it."

As they continued to explore the subterranean galleries they came across more statues, some showing Protheans in explicit scenes, some more formal and ceremonial. Most of the ruin had collapsed. Rainwater was seeping down through the rubble, creating small streams that trickled down the caved in walls. With its supply of fresh water and labyrinthine lay out, the ruin was an ideal camp site.

Garrus had seen enough. "Let's head back to Shepard and Kaidan."

* * * * *

Kaidan's eyes snapped open. He realised with a start that he had been drifting off. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and stifled a yawn. I must have been more tired than I thought.

Looking around he couldn't see anything. Nothing moved in the darkness. Shepard was still sitting curled up against him, her eyes closed, her breath calm and even. On an impulse he activated his comm but there was nothing. Not even radio-static. Frowning, Kaidan gently untangled himself from Shepard and rose. There was something ominous about the deep silence that enveloped them. Something unnatural.

He drew his pistol. The shadows seemed to have taken on a life of their own and was pressing in on him. The sound of voices made him whirl around, pistol at a ready. "Who's there? Show yourself!" He ordered.

But the voices had already faded into nothing. Kaidan wasn't sure if he had heard them at all or if they had been a figment of his overtired brain. He shook his head to clear it and winced when the throbbing headache returned with a vengeance.

"Can you hear them?"

Kaidan spun around again.

Shepard was standing up, head tilted to the side as if listening. "They're singing..." There was a dreamy tone in her voice and a softness to her face that he had only seen in their intimate moments together.

"There's no one here", he said. But a cold shiver ran down his spine. It was as if the shadows itself were watching them. And then he could hear it. Whispers... Voices speaking in a language alien to him.

Shepard took slow, deliberate steps towards him, her hips swaying. There was a strange glow in her eyes, a light that filled the dark blue orbs with the flicker of dragon flies. And Kaidan realised that he had seen that very same effect before...

"They have been waiting for us for an eternity", she said in the same almost caressing tone of voice.

Eden Prime... Kaidan took a step back, trying to keep his distance as Shepard continued towards him. During their second mission to the colony she had activated some Prothean data caches in order to obtain the codes needed to open the life pod in which Javik had been kept alive for 50 000 years. To Kaidan and Liara the Prothean data had been nothing but white noise but Shepard's eyes had held the same flickering green light as they did now.

"Shepard..." He started, his back bumping into the tree behind him. The whispers had started up again, coming from all sides around them. "Shepard, you have to snap out of this!" Something in the tone of his voice must have reached her because she blinked and when she looked up again the green glow was gone.

"Kaidan?" She looked around, confused. "What happened? Where's Garrus and James?"

Before Kaidan could reply a strong wind kicked up. Everywhere around them the leaves rustled as the sudden storm whipped the trees. A great thunderous crack jolted Kaidan out of his frozen state. He grabbed Shepard's hand and started running as one of the trees slowly, almost majestically fell, sweeping away smaller trees, vines and bushes that happened to grow in its path.

Branches clawed at them like greedy fingers as Kaidan tugged Shepard along, chased by the huge falling tree.

* * * * *

The sound of the giant tree hitting the ground resonated down into the underground passages of the ruin. The ancient structure trembled and dust fell from cracks in the arching ceiling.

"What was that?" James mumbled.

"Nothing good", Garrus replied with certainty born of experience. They shared a look and started to run, retracing their steps back to the entrance.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I love the smell of emotional torment in the afternoon...
> 
> The part taking place on Horizon is recycled from my story titled Empty.

James and Garrus burst from the entrance of the subterranean ruins and into a thicket of entangled branches and vines. They fought their way through the mess only to find that spot where they had left Kaidan and Shepard was empty.

"This is so not good", James said, tension giving his voice an edge.

Garrus glanced at the radar but there was nothing to see. No red dots signifying enemies, no blue that could tell them where Kaidan and Shepard was. He cursed, dark sub-harmonics vibrating like a growl in his chest. "We need to find them. Now."

"We will", James said, a little taken aback by the churning emotions in the turian's intense gaze. "Don't worry, Garrus."

Together they searched the ground for any signs that would reveal in which direction Shepard and Kaidan had gone. The soil was soft after the rain and it didn't take them long to find two pairs of tracks taking off away from where the tree had fallen. They followed the tracks in amongst the trees towards the pyramid-like structure that towered over the rest of the ruins.

* * * * *

Kaidan knew he was in a bad state and going down quickly. He had overexerted his biotic powers without giving himself respite or replenishing his energy. He needed to eat, to take a dose of medi-gel combined with painkillers to fight the migraine. Cold sweat trickled down his back and he had to struggle to stay on his feet.

Shepard was pulling him along now, leading him up wide steps that curved around the pyramid towards the top. Her eyes once again had that eerie glow. The damp smell of decaying plant life, crumbling stone and that of the long since dead touched upon Kaidan's drained senses. Once again he felt the atmosphere thicken and the shadows come to life.

The whispering had started again. It urged them on. Calling to them in a language that was forged of blood and souls. A language spoken long before the Reapers emerged from the depths of deep space and stole the Protheans' very existence.

Kaidan felt himself begin swaying with the chanting voices growing louder in his mind, his feet moving as if by their own accord to follow the goading voices. Shepard was a shimmering figure in front of him, mysterious and ethereal. He struggled against the feeling of being controlled but his mind was sluggish, dazed. The voices seemed to be stronger the nearer the top they came until the chanting almost drove him to his knees.

They had ascended above the tree tops. Thin, torn sheets of clouds rushed across a full moon that hung low in the troubled sky. The steps ended in an open gallery with columns just below the top of the pyramid.

A large sphere hung above a slab of black stone placed in the centre of the gallery. The sphere glowed with a churning light that mingled with the moonlight to illuminate Prothean statues standing in a semi-circle around the altar-like stone.

"Oh god..." Kaidan mumbled. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and the jolt of pain made the haze lift a little. He could feel the power that radiated from the sphere. They had encountered artefacts like this before. One in Dr Bryson's lab and then many more during their hunt for Leviathan. But those spheres had been dark, black almost, while this one shone with a white glow.

Shepard moved towards it like a moth drawn to a flame.

Every instinct screamed in him to stop her, but he had no strength left. He was barely able to hold himself upright. His head was pounding, the pain so intense that it brought tears to his eyes and made him nauseous. But he didn't let go of her hand and as she extended her other hand towards the sphere and touched it, he felt a jolt as if an electrical charge had been released and travelled through Shepard's body and into his.

The light intensified as the orb rose in the air until it floated above them.

The faint whispers became louder, clearer as if he tuned in on them. Voices... memories of a doomed people saying their last farewells to the ones they loved. He didn't understand the words but he knew the emotions all to well.

But it was too much, too fast. Shepard couldn't control it like a Prothean would have been able to do. All the memories stored within the sphere erupted at the same time, causing it to explode. The onslaught made her stagger and cry out as the visions slammed into her already bruised mind with full force. She clung to him and and he clung to her as the stored memories washed over them like an ocean of longing and sadness.

It was children crying for their parents, friends knowing they would never see each other again. Lovers ripped apart. Last words, brief reunions before oblivion swept them away.

It was him and her as it could have been. As it _should_ have been.

The world tilted and Pragia's night-time jungle faded away to be replaced by Horizon's vanilla sky and grasslands, tinted with gold from the setting sun.

_Dry grass whispering underfoot as he took step after step towards her. A soft, sweet smelling breeze caressed them, cleared the air of the stench of singed plastic and flesh left by the fight with the collectors. Her hair was as dark as he remembered it, framing her face, a few strands was dancing around her cheeks. Scars criss-crossed the pale flesh but her eyes... Oh, her eyes were as deep as they always had been, like sacred pools, the colour of a summer's night sky, filled with a turmoil of emotions, too many for him to even begin to decipher them._

_"Hey, Shepard."_

_Then she had been in his arms, clinging to him as he clung to her. He closed his eyes, breathing in that light floral scent that he thought he had lost forever. For that one perfect moment he believed. He thanked God. He felt whole again._

This time he didn't break the embrace. Instead he held her like he was never going to let go. He brought his face to hers and claimed her lips. Kaidan fed everything into the kiss, all his grief, his yearning, all the long, lonely moments he had spent without her. And Shepard kissed him back with the same desperate hunger.

* * * * *

Having heard Shepard cry out, James and Garrus moved quickly, prepared for the worst. They ran up the steps leading up the pyramid. The fact that Kaidan and Shepard had decided to climb to the top of the pyramid was strange. It made no sense. But neither of them commented on it. They simply focused on getting to the top as fast as possible.

They broke through the tree tops and James pulled off the night vision goggles so not be blinded by a white light, too strong to come from the full moon alone. They reached the end of the steps and found themselves in the gallery with its many columns, weapon at a ready.

The silver tinted light revealed a scene that froze Garrus in his tracks.

Shepard's body was a graceful line of desire, her back arching, as Kaidan kissed her deeply. Passion fuelled by regret, by the released memories of long dead lovers, ruled them both.

Blind to everything else, Kaidan gazed down at Shepard. Her pale skin seemed to be almost glowing in the moonlight, her eyelashes were dark shadows against her cheeks as her eyes fluttered close. Even in this dishevelled state she was beautiful. Her heady scent filled his senses, and before he knew what he was doing, he brought his mouth to hers again. His lips brushed hers and he couldn't suppress a shudder. For almost three years the memory of her had haunted his nights. It had felt as if someone had literally ripped his heart out. And he ached for her. Even here and now, he wanted her.

Kaidan held her even closer. He moaned when Shepard dragged her fingers through his damp hair. She was trembling against him. Her lips parted as he took her mouth again and coaxed her tongue into play.

A few feet away James put a hand on Garrus' arm. But the turian ignored him and took a step towards the couple. Mandibles held tight against his face. A low, dark growl rose in his throat. Unable to control his raging emotions Garrus grabbed Kaidan, tore him off Shepard and slammed him up against one of the columns that supported the pyramid's top. "What the hell are you doing?!" He growled, towering over the human.

Somewhere in the distance Shepard shouted for him to stop, but Garrus didn't even register it as he stared into Kaidan's stormy eyes.

He gasped as the turian's powerful forearm pressed against his throat and threatened to cut off his air supply.

Kaidan was a good combatant, a worthy component in in any fight, when he had his full power. But drained like this, he was easy prey. Garrus' mandibles flared. Abruptly he released his grip on the man, turned his back to him, crossed the gallery and headed down the steps.

Confusion and shock was written across Shepard's face as she watched Garrus leave. She hated the pain she could read clearly in his eyes, knowing she was the cause of it.

Glass-like material crunched under James' heavy combat boots as he knelt in front of Kaidan, not liking his pallor or the way sweat beaded on his brow. James looked down at the smooth, shiny pieces that was all that remained of the sphere. "What happened here?"

"We found some sort of Prothean artefact", Kaidan said in a hoarse voice. "A sphere."

"A sphere?" James frowned. "Like the one Bryson had? Are you sure it was Prothean?"

Kaidan could only shrug. He was still reeling from it all. The sensation of Shepard's lips against his, of her body under his hands, burned in his blood like a fever. He winced as James injected him with a dose of medi-gel combined with painkillers. He let his head slump back against the cool stone, hoping that the cocktail would work quickly.

"They knew the Reapers was coming", Shepard said quietly from where she was standing, surrounded by glittering shards. "The Protheans hiding here knew that all was lost. They used the sphere to store part of their essence, their souls..." Her gaze strayed to Kaidan and she frowned when she saw how haggard he looked. "Are you okay?"

Kaidan managed a pale smile. "I'll make it. But remind me to stay far away from ancient artefacts from now on. I don't seem to be able to handle their effect as well as you do."

James cleared his throat a little. "I hate to interrupt but we really need to get down from here before we're spotted by a drone or, God forbid, another gunship."

Kaidan nodded. He grabbed the hand the younger marine extended to him and allowed him to pull him up to his feet. He gritted his teeth against the explosion of pain behind his eyes. He steadied himself against the column and waited for the pain to subside. "Go help Shepard", he said a bit hoarsely to James who gave him a worried look. "I'll be fine, just give me a minute."

Though not not convinced, James nodded and made his way over to where Shepard was standing in front of the black stone altar. Emotional turmoil seemed to roll off her in waves. "It's going to be okay" He said gently after having lifted her into his arms so he could carry her across the sharp shards.

Shepard sighed. "No it won't", she replied with certainty. "I don't know how to make it right again."

James put her down once they reached the steps and watched as she started making her way down. Kaidan came up beside him. The painkiller had started to work its magic and dulled the headache a little. He was still pale, his jaws tight and his face drawn but at least he was able to stand upright without black spots dancing before his eyes.

"You better eat something, Major", James said thoughtfully, taking in the fatigue visible in every movement Kaidan made. "And then I think you and Garrus should have a talk, man to man... eh, turian."


	16. Chapter 16

They had set up camp in a mostly intact chamber down in the ruins that stretched out like a labyrinth underground. A small stream of fresh water ran nearby and the sound of it as it trickled past rocks and fallen down stones from the surrounding walls was soothing. A small fire flickered in a shallow pit, spreading light and warmth.

The three humans took the opportunity to try to dry some of their wet clothes and Shepard was a cause of distraction, dressed once again only in the black A-top and panties. She sat close to the fire, eating an Alliance standard military food ration. The label said Boeuf Bourguignon. But like most military food rations it tasted like bland chicken. Not that she was complaining. This was the first hot food she had eaten since the kidnapping and she savoured every bite of the stew.

Shepard's fever had disappeared completely and she had come out of the dazed state she had been in. Kaidan couldn't help to wonder if the sphere had anything to do with it.

The tension made their camp site a quiet one. The air was pregnant with suppressed emotions and unasked questions. And Kaidan for one was determined to get some answers. Garrus had quickly finished his dextro-protein based meat and left to take the first watch. Now Kaidan downed the last of his own meal and rose.

"Kaidan." There was an edge to Shepard's voice that made him straight his back as he turned to her.

"I'm just going to talk to him", he said, meeting her gaze as she came towards him. The golden light coming from the fire played over her bare arms and legs, hiding the marks of the abuse she had suffered. Her hair had dried in tangled tresses, she had a smudge mark on her cheek and soot streaking her nose. But by god, she was so beautiful it made his heart skip a beat.

Shepard crossed her arms in front of her and leaned into her hip, clearly not believing him.

Kaidan put his hands on her shoulders. He had to suppress an urge to simply crush his lips to hers. "Shepard... " His voice that perfect blend of smooth and rough as he met her dark gaze. "This has nothing to do with you-"

Her eyes flashed. "Like hell it does! You are both under my command. I order you to-"

"With all due respect, Commander", he interrupted. "You're not in charge here. This is Garrus' op."

"He's right", James offered, making her turn her angry eyes on him. But the young marine held his ground. "Sit your ass back down, Lola. This is between Scars and Major Alenko." The look she gave him promised punishment and pain to come, but she flopped down on the ground, her back stiffly turned to Kaidan as he left the camp site to find Garrus.

Kaidan made his way back outside. A mist coiled around the statues that lined the avenue and wrapped the ruin in a haze that softened the contours of the broken arches and the pillars. He wasn't surprise to find Garrus standing a few feet away as if he had been waiting for him. The turian's arms were crossed in front of his chest, his face grim. He made a dark, imposing figure wrapped as he was in mist and shadows.

"We need to talk."

"So, talk." Garrus dual voice was low and hard. The animosity in it surprised Kaidan. The Garrus he knew was level headed, unflappable. This furious, volatile creature was a stranger. This was Archangel, the vigilante. The killer.

"What happened wasn't Shepard's fault", he said.

"I know that", Garrus answered. "It was you who took advantage of her."

"Garrus..." Kaidan started but the turian was suddenly towering over him, blue eyes flashing.

"Do you really think there is anything you can say that will make it right again?" Garrus growled.

"I didn't come to apologise." Kaidan's voice became harder as anger rose within him, matching Garrus' temper. "I came to get some answers." Part of him knew that they were both in a stressful situation that pushed them to their limits again and again, that the smartest thing would be to walk away from what was building up to a confrontation that would end with blood. But another part of him wanted this. There were questions that had been grating on his nerves ever since he found out about Shepard and Garrus. He needed to know. "When did you know that you loved her?"

"What?" The question took Garrus aback.

"Was it before or after we thought she had died?" Kaidan pressed.

The former C-Sec officer gave him a hard glare. "Does it matter?"

"Yes", Kaidan replied harshly. "I want to know if you and her... if you two became involved during our hunt for Saren?"

"You're wondering if Shepard cheated on you", Garrus stated flatly. "She didn't." He shifted his stance, some of the anger under control again. "And I didn't steal her from you, Kaidan", he said, meeting the human's stormy gaze. "It was you who pushed her away. Or have you forgotten Horizon?"

Kaidan froze. Their encounter on Horizon was still a raw, bleeding wound. The vision granted him and Shepard via the sphere couldn't change that. Not for him. "No. I haven't."

"You broke her heart", Garrus continued.

"She broke mine when she let me believe she was dead for two years", he retorted harshly, bitterly. "And don't try to pretend she didn't break yours, Garrus. I was there, remember. I saw the state you where in. You might pretend that you left C-Sec because you were frustrated by all the rules and regulations, but I know it was because you couldn't stand being on the Citadel where everything reminded you of her. And I know you went to Omega to lose yourself in the vices and the violence. That you happened to do some good there was beside the point. You came there to die. Tell me I'm not right!"

"Well, we all handle grief differently", Garrus drawled cruelly. "Some of us kill criminals and some of us fuck pretty little doctors-"

"You bastard!" Blue light flared as Kaidan used his biotic powers to slam the turian against the wall. The dangerous spark in Garrus' blue eyes told Kaidan that this was exactly what he wanted.

Garrus' mandibles moved in a bloodthirsty grin. He head butted the human male. Kaidan's head snapped back and he reeled, staggering.

He spat blood where he'd bitten his tongue. Ripples of biotic energy coursed over his body, making it tingle, numbing the pain in his mouth and forehead. "Very mature, Garrus", he said, spitting more blood, not at all sorry when it splattered onto the turian's boots. "Does Shepard know how possessive you are?"

"This isn't about the kiss", Garrus growled.

"No? Then what is it about?" Kaidan asked, he squared his shoulders, anger coming off him like a heatwave.

"This is about you." Garrus closed in on him again. "If you love Shepard", he said, looming over the shorter human. "Then fight for her."

Kaidan stared up at the former C-Sec officer, meeting his smouldering gaze head on. "You want us to fight over Shepard?" he sneered. "Are you saying that if I win you'll back off?"

"You won't win", Garrus promised with a smug twitch of mandibles that only incensed him further.

Before he could come with a retort the turian moved, attacked with the speed of a striking snake. He threw a punch that Kaidan just barely managed to block, the surprise making him clumsy but he regained his composure quickly. It took him only a second to decide that he should hit back. And he did so. His fist impacting with the scarred side of Garrus' face. Not giving the turian time to regain his balance, Kaidan continued lay hits on him.

But Garrus was by no means an easy prey. He allowed the human to drive him back just enough to give him room to manoeuvre. Then he brought his knee up and into the man's stomach. Kaidan doubled over, falling to his knees. And Garrus kicked. Hard.

"You're weak", he snarled, leaning close as Kaidan lay on his back, wheezing, spitting blood. "Shepard need someone who's strong, who won't fail her."

"I'm not weak" Kaidan managed.

Garrus pressed a heavy boot onto the human male's chest, just to make him even more breathless. "Prove it."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A big thank you to all of you who's been sending me kudos and comments. I hope you'll like this chapter. :)**
> 
> **Soundtrack: Lucky - Bif Naked**
> 
> _It was a monday, when my lover told me,_  
>  _"never pay the reaper with love only."_  
>  _What could i say to you, except, "i love you."_  
>  _And "i'd give my life for yours."_
> 
> _I know we are... we are the lucky ones._

"This is stupid!" Shepard was pacing, her fists balling.

James blew dust from the trigger-mechanism of one of the heavy guns and shrugged. "Men do stupid things to win beautiful women."

She glared at him. "That doesn't make it less stupid. Besides, I'm not some toy for them to fight over."

"Then maybe you need to make a choice." He looked up at her, taking in the tension visible in her stance, the expression on her face. She looked at him like he had grown a third head. "Aw come on, Lola, you know you have to pick one. You might be able to talk Kaidan into a human-turian threesome but I don't think Garrus will be game. He's a strictly one on one kind of guy."

Shepard's eyebrows rose a notch. She wasn't sure if she could trust her ears. "Wait, what?"

James grinned. "Oh yeah, Kaidan's not as vanilla as you might think. I could tell you things that would make even you blush."

She held up a hand. "Please don't."

He chuckled, putting the gun down. "Just choose the one you love the most or..." His voice trailed off when he saw the distress darken her features. "What is it?" He rose and came over to where she was standing. "Talk to me, Lola. What's wrong?"

But she didn't answer. James could see how she closed down, how the anxiety in her eyes was replaced by an emotionless mask. She turned away from him, heading for the exit. "I'm stopping this."

* * * * *

Kaidan wiped away the blood running from a cut on his forehead before it could reach his eyes and cloud his vision. He gritted his teeth and launched himself at the turian, causing them both to topple over. He pinned Garrus down with his entire body.

The turian stared up at him, dark blue blood trickled from his nostrils. They were both breathing heavily. Kaidan's fist crunched against Garrus' mandibles and jaws. "I am not weak!" He spat out the words.

"Enough!"

The two males craned their necks, looking up to see Shepard coming towards them in long strides. James came jogging after her. He put a hand on her shoulder to hold her back put she shook it off and continued towards the combatants. Her stern gaze warned them from challenging her. "Get up, both of you!"

Kaidan rolled off Garrus, sucking air into his lunges. He climbed to his feet as the turian did the same.

"What the hell are you two doing?!" Shepard all but shouted. "You are both behaving like idiots!" Her dark gaze bore into them both before she turned to James who was standing a step behind her. "Take Kaidan back to the camp."

"Shepard-" Kaidan started, but wisely shut up when she gave him a look full of anger.

James automatically snapped a salute. "Yes, ma'am." He put a hand on Kaidan's back, giving the reluctant man a gentle nudge. "Come on, major."

Shepard waited until James and Kaidan had disappeared into the shadows before she turned her attention back to Garrus. "Why did you do this?"

"I had to know."

"Know what?" Shepard demanded.

Garrus lowered his chin slightly, the tilt of his head softening his features. "Shepard..." His multifaceted voice was gentle.

"Know what?!" She repeated, the tone in her voice hard.

He didn't answer. Instead he took a couple of steps, putting some distance between himself and her. He looked out into the dark jungle were wisps of mist still coiled around the trees and around the statues that lined the ancient avenue.

"Kaidan loves you", he finally said.

"That's the reason you did this?" Shepard asked furious. "You wanted to find out if Kaidan loves me or not?"

Garrus whirled around. "I did it because you need someone by your side, Shepard. No matter what you think, it doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. Do you understand? Love will help you through even the darkest moments, if you accept it. I know you have feelings for Kaidan. He's a good man, Shepard. He'll be there for you."

His words stunned her. She stared at him. Her stomach twisted into a knot. Had she lost Garrus without even knowing it. "Is it because of what happened to me?" She finally asked, hating how feeble her voice sounded, how it trembled.

"What?" His brow plates moved in a frown.

Shepard took a deep breath and forced herself to continue, to ask the question that made her heart feel like lead, so sure she knew the answer. "Are you leaving me...?"

"Leaving you?" He didn't seem to comprehend what she was asking. Then realisation dawned on him. "You think I don't want you because of what was done to you? Oh, Shepard..." The implications of what she was saying made his heart ache.

Not knowing what else to do, Garrus put his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace. He leaned his face against her hair, savouring its silken texture and how it felt against his tough skin. He ran his calloused palm in soothing circles between her shoulder blades. Shepard allowed him to hold her. Her body was tense at first, her breath hitching in her throat. But little by little his gentle administrations made her relax until she melted into his embrace.

"I'm not leaving you." His dual-toned voice rumbled in her hear. "No matter what happens or who you choose to be with. You're my best friend, Shepard. Hell, you're my only friend and I can't imagine life without you. But I need to know where I stand. I think I deserve that much at least."

Shepard looked up at him. "You want me to choose between you and Kaidan." It wasn't a question but a statement.

"I understand if you don't want to deal with this now", Garrus said. "But we need to at least talk about it."

Shepard nodded. She took a step back, leaving his arms, and sat down on one of the overturned columns. Garrus took a seat next to her, his elbows resting on his thighs, hands clasped between his knees.

Shepard pulled up her legs under her. She turned slightly so she could study his profile. In the bleak light of the full moon his blue colony markings looked black. Others might find him strange-looking, too alien, but to her he was handsome, beautiful even. She took a deep breath to calm the butterflies that anxiously fluttered in her gut. "I can't pretend I don't have feelings for Kaidan", she said. "There will always be 'what if's' between him and me."

"I know", Garrus said, staring at the patch of ground between his boots. "And I understand if you choose to take the second chance you've been given with him." He raised his head slightly to meet her gaze, hoping she wouldn't see how his heart broke at the thought of losing her. But he couldn't keep his distress out of his voice and the dual-tones thrilled disharmoniously when he continued. "Kaidan is a good man", he repeated. "He'll stand by you, Shepard. We both know that the war against the Reapers will become even uglier, the decisions you have to make will be harder and the consequences unthinkable. You need someone to be there for you. Kaidan is strong, he's willing to do anything for you." His mandibles moved in a small grin, giving her the glimpse of the cocky arrogance he showed on the battlefield. "Even go hand to hand with me."

Shepard rolled her eyes at that. "Men..." Despite the emotional gravity of the situation the corners of her lips quirked upward. "From where I was standing it looked like Kaidan was the one with the upper hand."

"I was holding back", Garrus said. "I didn't want to hurt him for real, just see how far he was willing to go for you. I'm not about to step aside for someone who doesn't deserve you."

She shook her head at that. "That is just so stupid, Garrus. Didn't it occur to you that I might want to decide this for myself?"

The look in his eyes were intense, filled with emotions. "Then decide. Choose me or choose Kaidan, but don't even think about carrying on like you have been, shutting everyone out, pushing us away. And I'm not talking about what you've been forced to deal with here on Pragia",he said, interrupting her before she could even start denying what he knew, what they both knew, was true. He took her hand, closing his talons around her smaller, multiple digits. "Talk to me, Shepard. Tell me what's going on in that human brain of yours."

She looked away, avoiding his gaze, her hair falling forward to shield her face from him. "I can't..." She tried to tug her hand free but he didn't let go.

"Tell me", he urged. He hardened his grip on her when she tried to pull away again. "I can deal with it what ever it is. Just... just talk to me."

She shook her head. "No." Her voice was frail.

But he wasn't about to let her retreat behind the mask of the calm, untouchable Commander. "Tell me what's going on!" His harsh voice made her flinch.

"I can't!" Her voice rose and tears burned behind her eyelids. "I can't tell you! I can't..." She almost doubled over, curling in on herself. "I can't..." She was crying in earnest now, tears streaming down her face. "I can't do this..." She forced herself to look up, to meet his shadowed eyes. The doubts and fears she had struggled with since the Reapers' devastating attack on Earth welled up within her and burst through the walls she had constructed around herself. "We're not going to win this." The words came before she could stop them. "The Reapers are going to destroy everything, kill everyone, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The things we do, the missions, searching for the Catalyst... it is just feeble attempts to postpone the inevitable. We have no future, Garrus." The certainty with which she spoke, the hopelessness he could hear in her voice and see in her eyes, shocked him.

Shepard had faced unbeatable odds and come out the winner. Even during the hellish voyage through the Omega 4 relay, and the assault on the Collectors' base where they had lost Tali and Jacob, she had persevered. She had led them through a nightmare and given them hope.

They had all turned to her for guidance, for strength. And Garrus realised just how lonely Shepard was, how hard she had struggled to hide her doubts from them and be the leader they needed.

The kidnapping and the torture had made the walls she hid behind crumble and shattered them. Gone was the legendary Commander, the hero of the Citadel, humanity's greatest hope. All that was left was the girl who had survived her family's brutal murder, the soldier who had given everything to keep those under her command safe and failed.

Shepard's soul lay naked before him, unbearably vulnerable. She couldn't hide the wounds and scars that more than matched the ones he himself had. She was a young woman looking at the future that contained nothing but death.

And he loved all these broken nuances of her with an intensity that was painful.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning! This chapter contains explicit material of a sexual nature.**

"Garrus beat you good", James commented after having stocked their little bonfire and fed it some pieces of dry wood they had found within the underground ruin. He had made Kaidan sit down on one of the large slabs of stone that had once been a part of a wall, and was examining the cuts and bruises that marred the Major's face as best he could in the flickering light. The injuries weren't serious but the gash on the forehead was still bleeding. "If it's any consolation, Scars is going to be in an even worse state then you are when Shepard is done with him. She looked ready to kill the both of you. If you ask me, you got away easy. I bet she is going down on him hard as we speak. "

"Thanks for that mental image..." Kaidan muttered.

James realised what his choice of words could imply and had the decadency to look guilty. "Uh... I mean...You know..."

"It's all right", Kaidan said, letting him off the hook. He winced as the young Lieutenant gently probed the wound on his forehead.

"You should use a dose of medi-gel on that."

"No need. It's just a scratch. Head injuries always bleed a lot making them seem more serious then they are", he mumbled absent-mindedly. His thoughts were on Garrus and Shepard. Jealousy battling with heartache. He forced his mind off the subject and continued, "Besides, we don't have that much medi-gel left. We need to save it for the serious injuries."

"Don't be a fool", James scolded him. "You know as well as I do how easily even minor injuries can become infected. With the heat and humidity you're lucky if you don't catch some nasty flesh-eating bug as it is. At least let me clean you up and dress the cuts that's still bleeding."

Kaidan gave the man a sharp glare. "You're not going to back down on this, are you, Vega?"

"No, sir. No I'm not."

Kaidan sighed. "All right then. The first-aid kit is in my pack. Front pocket." He watched numbly as James retrieved the medical supplies. He knew the young marine was right. Every injury, even the smallest ones, needed to be treated. If anyone of them came down with an infection or got some jungle-fever it could be catastrophic. But he just couldn't bring himself to care. His mind kept returning to Garrus and their confrontation. He felt as if there was something he was missing, some vital clue to why the turian had been spoiling for a fight. And Shepard... God only knew what she made of it all.

Kaidan dipped his head, ashamed at how easy Garrus had managed to make him lose his self-control.

Having retrieved the medical supplies, James sat down next to Kaidan and started to line up the things he would need. He picked up a plastic bottle containing a disinfectant. Pouring some on a piece of gauze he started to wipe away the blood that had crusted around a shallow cut on Kaidan's cheek.

The man swore and cursed as the fluid stung and burned.

"Is that any language to use in front of a good Catholic boy?" James grinned as he concentrated on smoothing out the blood from the Major's hair.

"Ow!" Kaidan jerked backwards. "Dammit! Be careful!"

"Hold your breath."

"Why?"

James' only response was to up-end the bottle over Kaidan's head.

"Jesus Christ!" He leapt up from the slab of stone. "You could have warned me!"

"You'd never have sat still for it. Now, get undressed so I can take a look at the scratches on your back." James smiled angelically. "Sir."

"Fine", the man grumbled. The hint of self-pity in his voice made James grin. "I would tell you to be careful but I fear it's a lost cause. You're a horrible nurse, Vega."

"Aww..." He drawled, his grin widening. "You're lack of trust hurts my manly feelings.

Still glaring suspiciously, Kaidan unbuttoned his smock and shrugged out of it, grimacing when his soar muscles protested. The T-shirt followed suit and James was treated to a glimpse of well-developed chest muscles and a six-pack that almost rivalled his own before Kaidan turned his back to him, flopping down onto the stone slab. "You tell me if you use that damn acid on me again-" The sentence ended with another curse as James started cleaning the many scratch-marks that marred the skin.

Somehow the sting of the disinfectant took his mind off the pain of his broken heart. It cleared some of the chaos in his mind and for the first time he could see it all clearly.

From the very beginning Garrus and Shepard had shared a connection. It wasn't just because they both were excellent snipers, although that was no doubt a part of it. But they shared the same streak of ruthlessness combined with compassion that made them both excel as soldiers. Traits that made them walk a tight rope between keeping on the side of the good and becoming the very thing they hunted.

The difference between them was that when Garrus saw the world in black and white, Shepard was all about the nuances in between. When she pushed and twisted the rules as far as they would bend without really breaking them, Garrus simply ignored any rule that got in his way. But at the same time they kept each other in line. Garrus certainty acted as a counterpart to Shepard's eternal questioning of moral and of her own motives.

Together they formed a unit, two creatures sharing a single purpose, and one soul.

Like Garrus himself once jokingly had put it, there could be no Vakarian without Shepard. And vice versa.

James stirred him from his brooding by sitting back, admiring his handy work. "All done."

"Thanks", Kaidan said a little reluctantly. He stretched and rolled his shoulders, wincing again as the movement pulled on the cuts and bruises on his back and made his muscles ache. "Remind me not to go hand to hand with Garrus again. Next time I'll just shoot him. In the knee." But there was no true animosity in his voice. He knew why Garrus had done why he had done. And Kaidan couldn't help but to admired him for it.

James flashed a smile. As he moved around him, picking up the medical supplies Kaidan noticed that he moved with a slight limp. "How's your leg? Is the bite wound still giving you trouble?" he asked, glad to have something other than his broken heart to focus on.

"It's fine", James answered, shrugging. "It's been aching on and off but it's nothing I can't handle. I'm fit for duty, Major. No need to worry about me."

"Right." Kaidan said, giving the younger man a stern look."Take your pants off. And don't bother arguing." He hesitated, making Kaidan raise an eyebrow. "Scared of your own medicine, Lieutenant?"

"No, sir." James stood at something approaching attention, his eyes fixed forward.

"Or is it that you're shy?"Kaidan couldn't help but to smile a little at the notion of a shy soldier. When James didn't reply or move his expression hardened. "I'll make it a direct order if I have to."

James didn't reply, simply stared in front of him.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Vega!" Kaidan resisted the urge to kick the man. "What's wrong? Just tell me the truth!"

James' approximate attention turned into the real thing. "I don't think it's a good idea for me to get undressed with you, sir."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Kaidan wasn't sure if he was angry or amused by what he thought the man was implying. "Well? I asked you a question, Lieutenant Vega, and I damn well expect an answer."

James swallowed. "Fact of the matter is, Kaidan... I mean, sir, you're a very good-looking man."

Kaidan blinked and stared at the man. For a long moment, his brain refused to process the information and then he snorted. "Don't worry, James. I won't tell anybody if you make improper advances. Come on, let me take a look at your leg."

James' mouth twisted but he unzipped the camo-pants and pulled them down to his knees. Kaidan pushed the thoughts of Garrus and Shepard to the back of his mind and leaned forward to examine the red, swollen mark on James' thigh. Blood and puss had seeped from it and dried into a nasty crust.

James suppressed a shudder when he felt Kaidan's warm breath tickling the sensitive skin. He was all too aware of the heat spreading through him, of how his body instinctively reacted at being so close to the other man.

Kaidan gently skimmed his fingers over the ugly mark, frowning when he felt how hot the skin was. "It's become infected." He looked up at the younger man. "You should have said something."

James shrugged and swallowed, his throat was suddenly dry. "You've had your hands full with Shepard and... everything."

"James", Kaidan said, interrupting him. "I'm the field-medic. It's my job to treat your injuries no matter what else is going on." He sighed, meeting the marine's gaze. "Is this about you being uncomfortable taking your clothes off in front of me? I have to be honest with you, Vega, I don't get it. I've seen you strut around the shuttle bay wearing just a towel, showing off in front of Cortez, and it's not like you hold anything back flirting with the Commander. So this is obviously not about gender or rank."

"That's different", James mumbled. "Esteban's a friend and well, Shepard is like an older sister. A hot, adopted, older sister. Sexy as hell but you just don't go there."

"And you don't think of me as a friend", Kaidan stated evenly as he started to clean the seeping wound with businesslike strokes.

"Kaidan..." James started. "I..." But the older man made a dismissive gesture, returning his attention to the nasty looking wound.

"It's okay. I understand."

"No you don't." James put a hand on his shoulder, making him look up at him again. He took a deep nervous breath, ignoring the flip flop sensation in his gut "I like you, Kaidan." He spoke in a rush, the words almost hitching in his throat. "I mean, I really like you. As in I want you." He watched as the Major's brown eyes widened in surprise.

"You... want me?"

"This was a bad idea. I'm sorry." James moved to turn away but Kaidan grabbed his wrist forcing him to stay put.

"If you can't cope with this, how come you had no problems cleaning me up?" Kaidan wanted to know as he continued to wipe the grime away from the puckering wound.

James cleared his throat a little. "That's different. Touching is good but being touched is better."

Kaidan could only nod. "I guess you're right." Unconsciously, his touch had gentled and he jumped when James' hand closed over his wrist. He looked up at the younger man's face.

James was studying him seriously, his eyes smouldering. "Please, Kaidan... Don't do it like that." His voice was husky. "It's not like you're making this any easier on me."

It'd be good to be touched, Kaidan thought, meeting the younger man's gaze. To forget the pain, the heartache, if only for a moment. Save for the brief kiss and embrace he had shared with Shepard it had been a long time since he had done some touching, or been touched by hands other than his own. And if it weren't a woman's touches… Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

James' hand was still on his wrist as Kaidan continued wiping at the sting. It was clean by now but he had no particular desire to pull away. He rested his other hand on the young soldier's hip. "You're right, it's good to touch", he mumbled, his left hand stroked further up and delved under the tight T-shirt. James gasped, the muscles twitching under Kaidan's exploring fingers.

James swallowed and his grip on his wrist tightened. "It's against regulations."

"Fuck regulations." Kaidan rose, and pulled the T off the younger man in one smooth movement. He could feel James' heart pounding, the skin becoming damp with sweat under his hands as he let them roam over the muscular chest, and it felt good to have this sort of power over a man.

"Are you sure about this?" James managed a little breathlessly when Kaidan leaned in and started planting a trail of kisses up his neck. "What about Shepard?"

Kaidan pulled back just enough so he could meet James' gaze. "I don't think she's aware of it but she made her choice three years ago. She belongs with Garrus. She's always belonged with him. We just didn't realise it."

"Are you okay with that?" James asked carefully.

The corners of Kaidan's mouth curled upwards in a small, sad smile. "No, not really."

"So what's this?" James gritted his teeth so not to moan when Kaidan resumed to kiss and nip at the sensitive skin just below his ear. "Stress relief? A comfort-fuck?"

"Yes", Kaidan breathed against his throat. "Do you mind?"

James' lips twitched in a grin. "Not at all." He turned them around and pushed Kaidan down onto the slab of rough stone, straddled him and closed his free hand over the other man's left wrist, then moved both hands up his arms, caressing over the defined muscles. His thumbs traced a pattern on the underside of Kaidan's forearms. His breath was coming harsher as James rubbed calloused hands up to his shoulders then down his chest, over his nipples.

Kaidan was trembling against his touch. For all the steely self-control there was a passion in him, a fire that was a wild scorching thing that could burn you to a cinder if you managed to ignite it. Running his hands back up Kaidan's chest, his fingers playing over the collarbone he could feel the man struggling not to moan in protest. James grinned and caressed his way down those strong arms again, capturing Kaidan's right hand in his, bringing it to his lips. He pressed a kiss on the palm.

Surprised by the gentle action, Kaidan looked up, molten eyes gazing into each other for a moment. Then James put all his weight on Kaidan who pressed up against him, his back nearly arching.

It was delicious torture to feel that warm steely body against him, the pressure of it against the length of his desire. James moved his hips ever so slightly, grinding their groins together. The sensation made Kaidan hiss an intake of breath and moan in disappointment when James pulled back a little. But slowly, the young soldier brought his body against Kaidan's, giving him another taste of the feel of him only to pull back again.

"You're a tease", he gritted out, his voice rough.

James answered with a cocky grin that made Kaidan decide that the man needed to be taken down a notch. He grabbed James' wrists and, using a burst of biotic power, rolled them over so that he was now straddling the marine.

"Hey!" James yelped in surprise. "That's cheating!"

It was Kaidan's turn to grin. He focused again and the implant tingled as he sent a small bolt of energy directed at core of the young man's desire, teasing the sensitive nerves.

"Jesus!" James hissed, his eyes widening. "That's _really_ cheating."

Kaidan chuckled and stretched out beside him. The slab was small for the two of them but Kaidan twisted to his side and there was just enough room to lie close together with out falling of the stone. Kaidan was propped up on one elbow and the other hand rested in the small of James' back, the weight of it pressing them closer. Other than that, he made no move.

James looked into his eyes and saw a flicker of sadness in the warm depths. "You wishing I was someone else?" he asked huskily.

Kaidan smiled and the shadows disappeared, leaving only a molten light that made James' pulse race. "Not at all", he said, his voice a velvet rasp in James' ears. "I was just thinking that its been too long since I've been with anyone. Shepard and I spent only a couple of nights together, and after that, well..." His voice trailed off.

"Let's make up for it then", James said softly. He once again raised Kaidan's hand to his mouth, letting one finger slide deep inside and ran lips and tongue wetly along its length. His eyes never left Kaidan's. He savoured the sight of the man's eyelids fluttering shut as swelling desire visibly overcame him. Lips parted, short breaths issued raggedly and a half-articulate protest escaped him when James let the finger slip from his mouth.

Kaidan's head was swimming with desire and he willingly gave himself over to it when the young Lieutenant pressed against him and ground his body against his in earnest. He could feel the bulge of James' manhood where it strained against the army issued boxers and could feel his own hard flesh pulsating. When James moved to kiss him all Kaidan could do was to open his mouth to him.

He was stunned by the kiss, by the urgency of it. No woman had ever kissed him with such enthusiasm, such raw, primal lust. James kissed the way he himself kissed: aggressively with a desperate need for more.

Kaidan threw his arm across James' shoulders, pulling him in closer and James' response was to push their groins together. Kaidan was moaning into James' mouth and, when the younger man broke the kiss and began nipping down his neck, he let out a sigh. James slid his thigh between his legs, a solid mass for him to grind against. Kaidan flung his head back. It connected with the first aid kit and sent it scattering to the ground with a clatter.

James' laughter was slightly choked. "Try not to bring the place down."

"Right...", was all Kaidan managed, then he let out a disappointed groan as James moved away slightly.

James grinned wickedly and brought a hand down between them. He ran his fingers down Kaidan's abdomen, revelling in the hissing intake of breath his touch caused, then there came a moan as he slipped his hand inside Kaidan's pants and wrapped it around his erect manhood.

Kaidan's breath was coming in gasps as James cradled him against his shoulder. He felt the man's fingers digging into his shoulders, holding onto him with such desperation. How long has it been? James couldn't help but to wonder. How long has he denied himself the pleasure of another human's touch? "It's all right", he whispered. "We'll take it slow…" James moved his hand, caressing his fingers up and down the shaft of Kaidan's cock, already slick with wanton juices.

Kaidan felt as if his veins had been injected with liquid heat. The intense pleasure created by James' skilled hand was like electricity spreading through his body. He curled his fingers against the marine's massive neck, buried his face against his throat, his body ruled by a yearning beyond his control.

James held the trembling man steady as he brought him closer and closer to ecstasy with every stroke of his hand, his own body screaming with desire.

"Wait..." Kaidan managed to gasp, struggling to regain at least some resemblance of self-control. "I want to..." He took a deep breath. "I need to touch you... to taste you..." He put a hand on James' shoulder and made him lie flat on his back.

Kaidan pulled back, letting the pleasure subside a little. When James pushed himself up on his elbows he pressed him down. "Stay", Kaidan purred. His mouth descended over James' and he licked lazily along the lips before nipping them. Sliding his mouth over the unshaved chin he began to suck a wet trail down the throat.

"What am I, a friggin dog?" James gasped as teeth closed over his Adam's apple. Rolling his shoulders into the stone he struggled to obey Kaidan's order, to not give into the need to simply pull the man against him and take him hard and rough. He groaned as the mouth continued to trek down across his throat, the feel of teeth joining in was making it that much harder to control himself.

Looking up, Kaidan smiled, before closing his mouth around James' nipple. Swirling his tongue around the little nub, he pulled back and breathed over the damp skin. "Well", he mumbled as he lapped over the hardening flesh. "I could look into getting you a collar and leash."

James' chuckle ended in a gasp as Kaidan bit into his nipple.

Dragging his hands over the material of James' boxers, Kaidan looked up as he felt the young man shift slightly. Smirking, he deliberately closed his fingers over the erect manhood, his mouth curling in amusement at how James bucked into his touch.

James noticed the devilish glint in Kaidan's eyes. "You're going to torment me, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am", Kaidan replied his voice raspy. He lowered his head, tugging the boxers down the strong, lean hips. Licking along the velvet-skinned length he couldn't stop a groan as the taste of James flooded his mouth.

"Kaidan..." James was moaning, shifting restlessly as the man worked his cock with tongue and lips. "Oh God..." Kaidan brought him to the brink of orgasm quickly enough only to slow down and pull away so he could do it again. Dropping his head back against the stone James took a shivering breath as Kaidan moved his mouth off him. Feeling the man's warm palm slide up over his skin, he shuddered. Fingers wrapped around his hips and dug into the flesh. Raising his head again James looked down at Kaidan. Biting down hard into his lip he found himself unable to break the stare.

Kaidan's eyes were heavy-lidded with desire, the small bonfire reflected in the dark depths. Then he moved, sliding up so that he once again was kneeling over James' prone form, claiming his mouth.

James wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders, his fingers combing through the black neatly cut hair. He moaned, tasting himself on Kaidan's tongue as the talented biotic plundered his mouth and left him breathless before he started kissing his way down his body again.

Kaidan teased the sensitive skin of the taut stomach, raking his blunt fingernails over James' ribs, making him jump and gasp. Once again he took James into his mouth, savouring the feeling of him, the taste…

Raising his head Kaidan looked up along James' body. "Tell me you want this. That you want me", he said, his voice raspy.

"You know I do", James managed as his fingers twisted in Kaidan's hair. He clenched his eyes shut, a spike of pleasure flooded through him when Kaidan took him into his mouth again.

Kaidan set up a tortuously slow rhythm that had James all but begging for more.

"Kaidan…" James whispered his fingers tugging at his hair. "Please…" Shifting he chocked out a gasp as the need to be filled continued to build. "Kaidan, please…" He shuddered as that wicked mouth moved away from his aching desire and began to map a wet trail up his stomach.

"What do you want, James?" Kaidan asked, his voice caught between deep with lust and husky with need.

"You", James growled, rolling his head to the side to give Kaidan better access to the column of his throat. He sighed in pleasure as that mouth slid confidently over his. Parting his lips James snaked his tongue into the Alliance Officer's mouth. When Kaidan pulled back James surged up to catch his mouth in another hot kiss. "Take me", he gasped out against Kaidan's lips. "Please I need you to.."

Kaidan sat back onto his knees and looked down at the flushed and sweaty marine. Trailing a hand down over the shuddering body, he re-settled between James' thighs. He moved so that his manhood was pressed against James. "Tell me again what it is you want, James..." Kaidan asked wickedly, rubbing the head of his cock against the tight opening. He flexed his hips, moving forward only to withdraw before he could slide inside.

"Damn you..." James groaned. The teasing touches made him lose any semblance of control. As the man dissolved into pleas, Kaidan took pity on him and slid all the way inside. Leaning down over James, Kaidan curled his fingers into the spiky hair and claimed his parted lips.

The heat, the tightness, the sheer completeness nearly robbed Kaidan of all control. Biting the pliant lips he thrust his tongue in and out mimicking the action his body so wanted him to do. Finally pulling back he looked down at James, taking in his dilated eyes and flushed cheeks. Kaidan shifted his knees until they were pressed flushed against James' thighs. With his elbows placed on either side of James' head he completely controlled the powerful body beneath him.

"Damn it, Kaidan..." James gritted out. Kaidan was buried to the hilt inside of him, filling him completely, and now he had the horrible feeling the Major was going to make him beg in earnest. The pressure and heat coupled with the feeling of Kaidan's fatigues pressing into his sensitised skin added to the torment. "Just move", he growled.

Kaidan smiled. He dipped his head and started suckling at that sensitive spot just below his ear. James gave a muffled yelp when Kaidan bit down none too gently. "Hey!" he protested. "That's going to show!"

"I know", Kaidan purred, running his tongue soothingly over the bruise that was beginning to form under the smooth skin.

James looked up and into eyes the colour of dark amber. "You marked me..." His voice was raspy with need but still soft and there was a question in his eyes.

"James..." Kaidan's voice was husky. "I..."

James smiled a little. "It doesn't matter, Kaidan. It doesn't have to mean anything. Unless you want it to..."

"James", Kaidan repeated softly, putting a hand against the younger man's handsome face. But the Lieutenant captured his mouth, cutting him off.

"Don't say anything", he mumbled against Kaidan's lips. "Please..." His plead drowned in a moan as Kaidan started to move in and out of him.

Kaidan lost himself in the sensation, he pressed his hands against the stone slab on either side of James' head so that he could gaze into his churning eyes.

Digging his shoulder into the rough surface, the only thing keeping him in place was the weight of Kaidan's body, James threw his head back and just went with the pleasure that welled over him. The rough slip slide of Kaidan's cock, the brush of the scratchy fabric of his pants, the slick smoothness of his chest rubbing against James'. All was making it impossible for him to regain control over his trembling body.

Thrusting harder, Kaidan dug his fingers into James' shoulder, his back arching. He cursed at the sudden rippling of James' inner muscles. Looking down he stopped mid thrust at the sight of the young man beneath him.

Arms stretched above him, head thrown back, neck on complete display, he looked like some fallen angel. His body bathed in sweat, delicate shudders racked through his tanned skin making him appear more ethereal than should be possible. Staring down at the muscular, powerful body he became aware of James' desperate moans for him to move, move now, oh please...

Kaidan complied. He slid all the way inside before slowly moving back again. He set a slow, tortuous rhythm, loving the choked out gasps that James couldn't hold back. He rolled his hips lazily as he nuzzled against the sweaty throat. He nipped gently at the sensitive skin and rolled his hips again.

"Please", James mumbled, shuddering. "Please stop the teasing. Please, just... Just..."

Kaidan licked a wet trail up to James' ear and all but purred: "Are you begging me to fuck you?"

"Yes", James gasped. "God, yes. You bastard."

Kaidan gave a throaty laugh. He picked up the pace, rolling his hips until he hit that sensitive spot that made James arch his back.

A rough cry escaped James as wave after wave of pleasure rocked his body and the feeling of him pulsating around him was Kaidan's undoing. He followed the marine over the edge as his orgasm exploded in his loins and spread through his body. The intensity of it made him fall forward only to be caught by James' strong arms.

Trembling Kaidan buried his head against the crook of James' neck. For a moment he could only lay there, in James' arms, his breath coming short and hard, his heart racing. "Damn..." He finally managed to say. "I had forgotten it could be like this..."

James smiled, kissing him lightly on the mouth, a simple, almost chaste touch of lips. "Yeah", he breathed. "This was..." he was searching for a word to encompass the experience. "... nice", he finally said lamely.

Kaidan opened an eye, brow arching. "Just nice? I must be more out of practise than I thought."

James smile turned into a cheeky grin. "How about amazing then?" He wrapped his arms around Kaidan, once again pressing their bodies together, abdomens and thighs sticky with semen. He pulled away just enough to speak. "I could be talked into doing this again."

"Mmm..." Kaidan purred teasingly. "Maybe if you beg me."

"You're a tyrant", James chuckled, nuzzling close, enjoying the sweet drowsiness that made his limbs heavy, the touch and warmth of Kaidan's body pressed against him. "Next time you'll be doing the begging, Major. And that's a promise."

The dying flames of the bonfire flickered over them, bathing their bodies in a golden hue. And for that moment at least, they were both at peace.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Soundtrack: Love song for a vampire - Annie Lennox**
> 
> _Come into this arms again_  
>  _And lay your body down_  
>  _The rhythm of this trembling heart_  
>  _Is beating like a drum_
> 
> _It beats for you, it bleeds for you_  
>  _It knows not how it sounds_  
>  _For it is the drum of drums_  
>  _It is the song of songs..._

Garrus found he couldn't take his eyes off Shepard. Her skin was given a pale glow by the weak light filtering down through the foliage. She sat curled up, an arm wrapped around her legs, chin resting on her knees. She looked so young, like a child almost, and his heart constricted with the need to protect her.

"Shepard", he said, making her turn her head and look at him. The flanging effect made the soft tones of his voice purr. "I know the future is just one big uncertainty. We might all be dead tomorrow. But what time I have, I want to spend with you. I..." His voice broke off and he had to take a breath and try again. "I love you."

"Garrus..."

"You don't have to love me back", he said quietly, quickly. "Just... just let me be by your side as your friend. I'll always have your back, Shepard-" He was cut off in mid-sentence when she closed the distance between them, pressing her mouth to his in a kiss.

Shepard pulled back a little so she could gaze into his eyes. She graced her fingers over the scars that marked his face as if they were a thing of beauty. "I love you too, Garrus. I think I always have." She pressed her forehead against his, her eyes closing as she breathed in his familiar scent. His arms came around her and he held her so very gently and leaned in for another kiss. Her lips were so soft against his much harder skin. He nipped gently on her lower lip, making her hiss against him. Heat rose within him and he pulled her close, possessively.

Shepard tensed, her breath hitching in her throat. Fear filled her mouth, bitter, metallic like blood. She tried to swallow it down.

"What's wrong?" The soft, purring sub-harmonics in his voice had became worried trills. Then he realised and it was as if someone had tipped a bucked of cold water over him.

"I'm sorry..." Shepard gasped, her eyes tightly shut against the tears threatening to fall. "I can't..."

"Don't apologise", Garrus said, gently touching her face, making her open her eyes again. "You've been through hell. You can't expect to just bounce back from that." She clung to him like someone drowning, gulping down air, struggling not to succumb to the panic.

"I hate feeling like this", Shepard managed, burying her face against his neck. "Like I'm tainted... ruined."

"Spirits, Shepard..." Garrus couldn't remember ever feeling so helpless. All he could do was to hold her, and hope that the love he felt for her would somehow help her heal.

She looked up at him and her eyes were fractured and veiled with tears. "Help me hunt them down and make sure that they don't hurt another being again. I want them dead, Garrus."

A part of him knew that this dark yearning for vengeance was hollow. Spirits, did he know. But how could he tell her no when she asked for the death of those who had raped and tortured her, when she had helped him take revenge on Sidonis? So he nodded. "We'll find them", he promised, his voice as dark as her eyes. "They'll pay for what they did to you. They'll pay in blood. I promise." She pressed her lips to his in a feverish kiss, fuelled by darker emotions than desire. Garrus kissed her back, moaning as she bit down hard on his exploring tongue, hard enough to draw blood. This was a need born out of a hunger for revenge, out of bloodthirst.

Shepard moved so she was straddling his lap, her thighs parting to give room for his hips. She pressed against him and the weight of her, the friction she created, was torture. He ground against her, growling, sub-harmonics reverberating in his chest.

Garrus cupped her breasts through the top. He could feel her nipples becoming hard under the tight fabric. Shepard arched into his touch and moaned when he ran his tongue along the graceful column of her throat.

A fine drizzle had begun to fall. The tiny raindrops glittered on Shepard's exposed skin and he licked them off greedily. The heavy armour he wore was starting to become more than uncomfortable. It was downright annoying not to be able to feel her bare skin against his.

Her slender fingers caressing the sensitive skin on his neck was torment, the raise and fall of her hips torture. This was hot, sweaty and frustrating as hell.

"Tell me we'll hunt them down..." She breathed into his mouth. "Tell me you'll help me kill them..."

"I will", he said, his dual-toned voice vibrating with need. "I promise..."

Shepard moved against him with a demanding fervour that left him breathless. Her hands, her mouth, her hair sweeping across his face like a curtain of night. Her passion was driven by her need to overcome what had been done to her, fuelled by her hunger for vengeance. A gasping cry escaped her as he pushed up against the core of her.

The soft hazy rainfall adorned them both and turned them into jewelled creatures. Water drops hung from Shepard's eyelashes and mingled with her tears as her body arched, her hips moving in a hurried rhythm. Garrus could feel the gathering explosion building up between them. His arms came up to encircle her, to hold her as she rocked against him. The friction assailed his nerves and he pushed up against her, all thoughts falling from his mind as she flung her head back, her lips parting in a silent cry, pleasure overwhelming her and she fell into a whirlpool of ecstasy.

Burying his face against her full breast, breathing in that mysterious female scent that was her, Garrus spilled himself in his armour, his breath coming in short bursts, his heart racing.

They remained locked in an embrace for a few sweet moments, letting their pulses get back to normal. Then Shepard climbed off him and rose. Garrus couldn't hold back a sigh when he felt the sticky sensation of semen inside his armour. Not that he regretted what had happened. His mandibles twitched in a grin as he took the hand Shepard offered him and she pulled him to his feet.

"So..." He said, looking into her eyes. "This was...?"

"What I wanted", she finished his sentence, leaning her head against his chest as his arms settled around her. "What I needed."

Garrus nodded and brushed a tender kiss on her brow. "Just making sure." He held her for a moment longer, simply enjoying the sensation of having her in his arms. It was Shepard who broke the embrace.

"We better get back to the camp before Kaidan and James starts to worry."

Garrus nodded. He took her hand and entwined their fingers, making Shepard glance at him and give him a small smile. Together they returned to the darkness underground. Garrus switched his visor to Night Vision, leading her past the small stream of water and back to the chamber.

Both James and Kaidan looked up when they approached.

Kaidan took in Shepard's still flushed cheeks and hers and Garrus' entwined hands. He said nothing, simply handed her a cup of hot decaf coffee as she sat down by the fire.

"So..." James finally drawled, grinning. "You where gone for quite some time. Did you have a good... eh, talk?" He wiggled his eyebrows at them, making Shepard roll her eyes at him.

Garrus was stirring some dextro-based powder into a cup of hot water. "That's a nasty bug bite you have on your neck, Vega." His voice was casual but there was glint in his eyes that made the young marine duck his head, something suspiciously close to a a blush colouring his cheeks. "Care to tell us how you got it?"

James put his hand over the blemish. "I... Uh... Point taken", he muttered, concentrating on his own cup of coffee.

"You okay?" Kaidan asked quietly, watching Shepard carefully sip the hot coffee laced with sugar and powdered milk. It tasted like ambrosia.

She nodded. "You?"

"Yeah. Garrus got me good a couple of times", he replied. "But I can respect why he did it. You and him, are you...?"

"Yeah." A small smile played on her lips. "He loves me."

"Do you love him?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard looked up from the Styrofoam cup. "Yes."

Kaidan nodded. "Good. I'm glad. You and Garrus belong together. I'm fine", he added when he saw the look in her eyes. "Honestly, Shepard, you don't have to worry about me." He gave her a reassuring smile. "Drink your coffee and then get some rest."

Having finished their hot drinks they settled in for the night. Even though Shepard felt like her eyes were filled with gravel she convinced the others that she was more than capable of being on stag while they got a few hours of much needed sleep.

The small camp, tucked away behind large blocks of stones grew quiet as they settled down. There was nothing to do except to keep one eye on the fire and one on the entrance. Every 20 minutes Shepard tried to contact the Normandy and Cortez, but all she got was static.

Putting another piece of wood on the fire, Shepard watched as the flickering light played over the lines carved into the ancient walls that surrounded them. There was something peaceful about this place, as if the ghosts had been laid to rest. Shepard made a mental note to talk to Jarvik about what happened here, about the sphere and the stored memories it had contained. Leaning back against the stone behind her, she stifled a yawn and started to recite song-lyrics to keep her mind busy as she kept watch over her sleeping team mates.


	20. Chapter 20

Shepard woke with a start. For a horrible moment she thought she was back in the dirty little cell. Then her searching eyes settled on Garrus, standing at the entrance, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

She could remember waking James up at the end of her watch, giving him a moment to yawn and stretch before she took his place between Garrus and Kaidan. She had fallen asleep quickly and slept a deep dreamless sleep. Now she blinked and looked around. The camp site was bathed in the grey light of dawn. The fire had died down and there was a chill in the air that made her give a small shudder.

Hearing her stir, Garrus turned. He cocked his head, making the quirk of his mandibles seem soft and gentle. "Ready?"

Shepard nodded.

"With a little luck we'll reach the ERV at noon."

"Good", she said, pulling on the sweatpants Kaidan had loaned her. "I've had enough of Pragia to last me a life time."

After having woken James and Kaidan and eaten a quick breakfast, washed down with water, they set out, leaving the entrance to the underground ruins behind to disappear into the vivid green hues of the jungle. The fire had dried out their wet clothes, but above the canopies clouds were already gathering. The chill of the pre-dawn was all too soon replaced by a stifling heat and humidity. Kaidan was scanning the comm-frequencies but it was useless. The IFF-system kept changing active codes, adjusting instantly to his attempts to breach it, making it impossible to hack.

They had walked for nearly an hour, following an ancient path that took them past the pyramid and its surrounding ruins and into the forest on the other side when the heavens opened themselves and drenched them within minutes.

Shepard turned her face upwards, glad for the relief from the heat. Behind her the three male soldiers swallowed, watching her with the wet t-shirt clinging to her body like a second skin.

James forced his eyes off her, concentrating on their surroundings, knowing Garrus and Kaidan did the same. They kept up the pace, wanting to put as much distance between themselves and the camp. As long as they could follow animal trails and the under-brush didn't become too thick they would reach the ERV by midday.

They were so close now! Shepard could feel her heart elevating at the thought of being back on the Normandy again. The only true home she had known since her family's death on Mindoir. She could vividly imagine Steven's wide smile, his teeth white against his tanned skin as he extended his hand to her and pulled her into the shuttle, into safety.

The thought gave her strength, made her push herself to continue when fatigue started to slow her down.

Garrus was covering their arches as they traversed yet another stony stream cutting through their path when he caught a movement on the radar. He grabbed James who was walking a head of him, pressing a gloved talon to his mouth in the human sign for being quiet.

James nodded. He tapped Shepard on the shoulder, signing for her to get Kaidan's attention. The three of them huddled close to Garrus, quietly watching as he brought up the radar on his omi-tool. Red dots flickered briefly only to disappear when the IFF jammed their system.

"Dammit!" Kaidan cursed under his breath. "They must have picked up our trail as soon as we left the ruins."

"We need to keep up the pace. Our only chance is to stay ahead of them", Garrus said, keeping his voice low. His eyes searched Shepard's. Despite the fever and the infection having cleared up she was still in a sad state. The fierce tab was going to take its toll on her.

James checked his thermal clips as if hoping the ammo would have replenished itself. It hadn't. "I only have half a load", he said quietly. "We're in deep shit here."

Garrus nodded. He couldn't add much to their arsenal himself. They had used up most of their fire power during the incident with the gunship, and the few thermal clips they had found on the killed mercs couldn't even begin to make up for the ones they had lost.

Without knowing how many units of Blue Suns that was tracking them they didn't dare to set up an ambush. All they could do was to make a run for it and hope for the best.

"We'll leave the trail and try to shake them off", Garrus whispered. "With a little luck the plant life will slow them down a little, giving us a chance to slip away. "It probably wouldn't work but there wasn't much of an option.

The knowledge that they were being hunted drove them to race through the dense growth. They kept in a close formation so not to lose each other in the dizzying world of green.

The mercenaries hunting them wouldn't be easy to get rid of, something they all knew. They had the technological advantage, not to mention an almost endless supply of ammo, and they would be well-rested and in good shape.

The jungle became less dense as they closed in on the ERV. But the lack of undergrowth was made up by the many fallen trees overgrown by vines and ferns. Shepard noticed that all trees had fallen in the same direction but she still didn't know where they were until she noticed that the black soil wasn't soil at all but ashes. She could see scorch-marks on the tree trunks as well. Her bare arms and feet were soon stained black as they continued moving through the burned out area.

It wasn't until she saw the blackened, twisted ruin she realised that she knew where they were. "It's the Teltin facility", she mumbled, wiping rainwater off her brow and leaving a black streak. "Or what's left of it."

"Yeah", Garrus said, holding out his hand to help her over one of the large tree trunks. "Jack really nuked the hell out of this place."

"This is the ERV?"

He nodded. "It was the only other place where the shuttle could land without getting stuck in the damned trees." They were crouching behind a large piece of debris, acutely aware of how exposed they were without the jungle's protective canopies. Nothing moved.

Shepard glanced at her omni-tool. The radar was still jammed and they couldn't get the comms to work. All they could do was to wait and hope that Cortez had gotten their broken up message and was on his way to pick them up.

A static screech jolted them, telling them that someone was trying to contact them. Kaidan lifted his hand to his ear. "Cortez? Cortez, can you hear me? We're at the ERV. We've got mercs hot on out trail. We need to be evacuated ASAP."

The screech turned into a hiss and beyond that, faintly, as if coming from another world, Steve's familiar voice came through. _"... hear you... I... hang on. ETA five minutes..."_

"Thank God!" James exclaimed with something akin to true reverence in his voice. "We're getting out of here! First round's on me!" Shepard gave him a smile. She was leaning against the large chunk of concrete, completely spent.

The sound of the approaching shuttle made them rise. James were jumping up and down, hooting with excitement as the blue shuttle with its white Alliance logo descended towards them.

Shepard too was looking up, one hand raised to shield her eyes from the sunlight. This was it. She was going home!

Garrus sensed the attack just before it came. He put an arm around Shepard, pulling her down and against him.

Like a black wrath a sleek gunship rose above the pile of debris that had been the Teltin facility. Is surged towards the clumsy, much slower shuttle like a shark closing in on its prey.

James and Kaidan moved up to cover Shepard from the fire coming from the sides.

Garrus had time to curse himself for having lead them into a trap just before mercs sporting the blue and white armour of the Blue Suns milled out of the jungle and surrounded them.

"Drop your weapons!" One of the men shouted and fired his own rifle above their heads, making sure his message got through. "Get down! Hands where we can see them!"

Garrus could feel Shepard's legs simply giving up under her as the men surrounded them. "Keep calm", he whispered hoping his words would reach her through the panic. "Everything will be all right."

James dropped his weapon when one of the mercs shoved the butt of his scratched assault rifle in his kidneys. Another man kicked their legs away under them, sending them sprawling on the ground. He heard a muffled cry of pain from Kaidan as one of the mercs gave him a vicious kick to the back of the head, knocking him out before he could activate his biotic powers.

Terror, pure and simple made Shepard cling to Garrus as if she was drowning. He shielded her from the kicks and punches the mercs threw at them as the shouted at them to stay down.

Then rough hands lifted them to their feet and their arms were shackled behind their backs.

"You thought you could get away from us, eh?" The man that seemed to be in charge said, his voice coloured by an Afrikaans accent. "Don't you know we always get our merchandise back, and with interest this time I think." He grinned at Shepard, showing off large, square yellow teeth before turning to his men. "Take them to the Astred facility. And shoot down that god damned shuttle!"


	21. Chapter 21

Steve cursed loudly as he struggled with the controls. The clumsy shuttle was no match for the quick and agile gunship. This was a fight he couldn't win no matter how much he wanted to.

He forced the shuttle into a roll to avoid being hit by the second round released from the heavy SMG's. Via the holo-windows he caught a glimpse of the ground team being roughed up by their captors. Shepard, a small black-clad figure, lay curled up in a foetal position on the ground.

"Dammit!" He gritted his teeth against the anger that rose within him. He had to be smart. Cursing again he pressed the throttle, giving the shuttle a burst of speed that it needed to ascend, leaving the gunship and his captured friends behind to return to the Normandy that was orbiting Pragia.

* * * * *

Shepard was trembling. She remained curled up into a tight ball with her legs drawn to her chest. They had been tossed into the cargo hold of a shuttle. A taunting version of the rescue they had hoped for.

She could feel Garrus, Kaidan and James pressing against her, trying to give her what comfort they could. The mercs filled the shuttle with coarse, unpleasant laughter and crude jokes. They clearly enjoyed the sight of the famous Commander Shepard lying at their feet shaking with fear.

She didn't care. Let them think her weak. Broken. If they underestimated her then maybe it would give her a chance. And one chance at the right moment was all she needed.

Despite their leader's arrogance the mercs had done a poor job of checking her for weapons, focusing on grabbing at her breasts and ass instead of actually searching her. The hard handle of the army issued knife pressed into her stomach. She had grabbed it from where James had dropped it when the mercs forced them to disarm. Fools, she thought as she hid her eyes behind lowered lids. They would pay. All of them. Her fear had given way to a hot burning rage and she clung to it, not wanting to fall prey to panic and terror again.

Garrus twisted so he came face to face with Shepard. Her face was drawn, pale and her eyes half-closed behind the dark fringe of her hair. He pressed his forehead against hers, praying to the Spirits that their deaths would be clean and that they would die together. There seemed to be nothing else to hope for.

He was bleeding from a gash below his right eye and when he pulled back slightly his dark blue blood had smeared across Shepard's nose and cheek, unintentionally marking her with a primal version of the Colony tattoo that adorned his face. Love, fierce and wild and unlike anything he had ever felt burned within him and he knew right then and there that the only thing that could make him leave her side was if she ordered him to. And even then he wouldn't go willingly.

"I love you, Shepard." His voice was a whisper humming in her ears as the shuttle jerked and rattled around them when the pilot brought it down towards the landing area.

He managed to keep himself on Shepard's right side as they were dragged out of the shuttle and onto a circular platform almost completely taken over by the surrounding jungle. The mercenaries hacked their way through the foliage, clearing a path off the platform.

A thorny vine caught James across the chest tearing through the dirty, wet camouflage uniform into his skin. Instinctively he moved back to try and dislodge the long, curved thorns but the merc at his back pushed him forward and he lost his footing on the slippery moss-clad ground. His injured leg buckled and twisted under him as he struggled not to fall. Intense pain shot up from the wound as the movement tore at the infected tissue and he couldn't stop himself fro crying out.

The mercenaries laughed.

"Not so tough now, eh?" One said grinning, pulling James back on his feet.

They were herded through a gate that slid apart slowly, screeching in protest as if it hadn't been open in ages.

Kaidan caught a glimpse of James' face; the young man was pale, his jaw clenched against the pain that made him limp severely, but he seemed calm, prepared. From what little he had said about his family and his life before joining the Alliance, Kaidan concluded that physical abuse was a game the young soldier was already used to. But what about the psychological trauma of being caught by the enemy?

When James noticed the older man's eyes on him he gave him a small nod, signalling that he was okay. Kaidan nodded in return and turned his attention to Shepard. She was being half-carried, half-dragged by two mercs as if she didn't have the strength to stay on her feet. Her head was lolling, her hair hiding her face from view.

They were brought down a flight of stairs. The floor, the walls and the ceiling was stained with rust and mould and the stench of decay and stale air overwhelmed their sense of smell. The layout reminded Shepard of the Teltin facility and she filed that bit of knowledge away. The corridor at the end of the stairs was lit with a flickering, sickly yellow light. It was narrow and lined with doors leading into holding cells.

The mercenaries was going to separate them.

"No!" The same thought had occurred to Garrus and he started to struggle against his captors. The two mercs were grunting, trying to control the enraged turian. Then the leader slammed the butt of his heavy rifle across his nose and Garrus went down, blood pouring from his nostrils.

"Garrus!" Shepard's voice was shrill, mixing with the angry shouts from Kaidan and James. She captured Garrus' dazed gaze for the briefest of moments before she was shoved inside one of the small cells and the door slammed close behind her. In the darkness the lock glared red like an evil eye.

She sank down onto the cot, listening to the sound of her friends being locked up. Trying not to give in to the sickening feeling of terror.

* * * * *

High above the misty atmosphere of Pragia, Joker listened in as Cortez de-briefed Admiral Hackett on the failed rescue attempt.

"This is FUBAR", the crippled pilot mumbled to himself. On the holo-screen the expression on Cortez's dusky face changed from tense anger to grief.

"The gunship came out of nowhere, sir. I was forced to retreat or it would have shot me down."

"I understand, son", the Admiral's gravel-like voice came through loud and clear. "I know you did all you could." The man paused for a moment as if steeling himself then continued. "I'm getting pressure from both Alliance HQ and the Council to let Shepard and the team under Vakarian's command go."

The shock written on Cortez's face mirrored Joker's. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he patched himself in on the transmission. "What do you mean let them go?" he demanded agitated, not caring that he interrupted a senior officer. "Are you saying we should just leave them in the hands of the bastards that kidnapped Shepard?"

"Flight Lieutenant Moreau." Hackett gave the young pilot a hard look. "This is not a decision that is easy for me to make but there is a war going on. The Normandy is needed-"

"No! We won't abandon our friends!"

"Sir", Cortez said, struggling to keep his tone respectful and not give in to the rise of anger. "Shepard is a hero. The resistance need her. Joker is right. We can't just leave her and the others behind."

Hackett sighed. "The sad truth is that heroes are lost all the time. Shepard will always be a symbol of hope for the men and women fighting this war, but we can't risk losing another team or worse, the Normandy itself. We need to use everything we got against the Reapers. Shepard understood this and Advisor Vakarian, Major Alenko and Lieutenant Vega knew the risk they took when they signed up for the rescue-mission. They are soldiers, Lieutenant Moreau, and they'll expect you and the rest of the crew to act like soldiers too. HQ and the Council is expecting the Normandy to join the Crucible Project no later then 24 hours from now."

"What are you saying, sir?" Joker asked tersely.

Steven Hackett looked straight at them, his steel-grey eyes boring into Joker's on the other end of the transmission. "I'm saying you have 24 hours, Lieutenant. Hackett out."

* * * * *

James limped the two steps over to the narrow cot and slumped down on it, wincing at the pain when he stretched out his injured leg in front of him.

He had given up on trying to bypass the firewall that had been used to shut down his omni-tool. Without it he had no real way of telling how long they had been kept in the cramped cells but it was long enough for the darkness to creep up on them. Long enough for the despair to set in.

The walls were thin enough for him to hear Kaidan shuffling around in the cell next to his own. "You okay, Major?" He asked just loud enough for the man to hear him.

"Yeah. How about you, James? How's your leg?"

James grimaced as he moved a little. "I twisted the knee and tore the wound open. It's started bleeding again. I kind of wished I'd let you use some medi-gel on it before when we where..." His voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry."

James couldn't tell if Kaidan were apologising for feeling as if he hadn't done his duty as a medic, or if he regretted the moment of pleasure they had shared. "Don't be", he answered a little roughly. "You didn't do anything wrong." He looked up from the slowly growing stain of blood on his dirty, wet fatigues then rapped his knuckles against the wall behind him. "How about you, Scars? How are you holding up, bro?"

Garrus snorted, clearing his nostrils from the blood. "I've been through worse."

James chuckled. "I bet you have."

Garrus mandibles quivered in a small smile. He knew that James were trying to keep their spirits up and he appreciated the effort. If we get out of here I'm going to buy him a drink and tell him that he's a hell of a soldier, he promised. He leaned his head back against the wall, gingerly touching his nose. It ached with a dull throbbing, but like he had told James, he had been through worse. Having been shot in the face with a missile kind off put things in perspective, he thought wryly.

"Shepard?"

"I'm here." Her voice was quiet, muffled by the wall separating them. "I'm okay, Garrus." She had pulled her legs through the loop of her shackled arms and was holding the knife in front of her, fingers wrapped tightly around the worn handle.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop this from happening." The dual toned voice thrilled disharmoniously, revealing the anger he felt, the guilt.

"It wasn't your fault", she replied, her eyes on the sharp blade. The cold steel reflected the faint red light coming from the omni-lock. It looked like blood. "I love you..." She spoke the words in a whisper and was surprised when he answered.

"I love you too, Shepard."


	22. Chapter 22

Joker was slowly making his way through the crowd of refugees in the converted Holding Bay to the enclosed area where the few surviving batarians had set up shop.

"Are you sure about this?" Cortez asked, glancing at his colleague. EDI was following a step behind, ready to step in if Joker needed help, or offer assistance if they got in any trouble.

"No", Joker replied, carefully navigating around a mixed group of refugees arguing with a turian C-Sec officer. "But I don't have any better ideas. Do you?"

Cortez's shoulders slumped a little. "No, I don't", he admitted reluctantly. "Still... hire a bounty hunter? How are we even going to find him in this chaos?"

"Liara's contact said he had been seen spending a lot of time down here." Joker gritted his teeth, reaching out for balance as someone in a hurry shoved past him. "We'll find him. We have to."

In the end it was he who found them.

A fight had broken out between a batarian merchant and his human customer over the price of a heating unit. As people flocked around the two combatant, and with C-Sec officers hurrying to the scene, Joker felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. His heart jumped in his chest and he whirled around awkwardly, one hand on the pistol at his hip, and found himself staring into the mismatched eyes and scarred face of Zaeed Massani.

"What the hell are you doing here, Joker?" The gravel-like voice was rough and gave no indication to if the man was happy to see him or not. Not waiting for a reply Zaeed eyed the dark-skinned man accompanying Normandy's pilot suspiciously.

"I'm Steve Cortez, sir", Steve said, not sure if he should salute or extend his hand in greeting. "I've heard a lot about you."

A wry smile that didn't reflect in Zaeed's eyes played over his lips. "Yeah, you're charmed, I'm sure." Then his gaze feel on EDI, taking in the very feminine looking shape of her and the smile widened and became more genuine. "What's this, you got yourself a shiny new toy to play with, Joker?"

"No..." Joker cleared his throat. "That's EDI."

"Hello again, Zaeed", EDI said in smooth tones.

The bounty hunter stared at the AI for a few seconds. "Damn", he said, letting his eyes slide over her curves. "You're a walking wet dream."

EDI smiled, artificial eyelashes fluttering a little. "Thank you, Zaeed. Your admiration is... flattering."

Zaeed leaned against the container that had been turned into an improvised med-bay, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I'm guessing you didn't come all the way down here just to show off EDI's new body. Is this about Shepard being kidnapped?"

Joker's eyes widened. "You know about that?"

"Of course. I've kept tabs on the kid ever since we met up during the incident with the Volus ambassador." Zaeed was probably the only one in the galaxy who could get away with calling Commander Shepard for 'the kid'. "I heard a rumour that some rich guy wanted to hire the Blue Suns to take on Commander Shepard. I know Vosque turned the offer down. I didn't think anyone would actually be stupid enough to take it."

"Well someone within the Suns did", Joker replied.

"Shepard's not an easy target. Especially not with that turian watching her back, and the rest of her as well I assume. How the bloody hell did they manage to get to her?" Zaeed wanted to know.

"Garrus wasn't with her", Joker said reluctantly, anger and guilt burning in his eyes, making his voice sound thin and brittle. "I was."

* * * * *

Kaidan felt the L2-implant tingle in the back of his neck as he activated it, producing biotic energy that rippled over his body before he let it disburse. He was glad he'd had taken Jondum Bau's advice and upgraded the amp and sealed it before he left the hospital, despite the risk the operation had posed to his health, and to his already rattled L2-implant. Not to mention the hole the procedure had left in his bank account.

The dark-eyed salarian had been appointed his mentor after he had received his Spectre status. He suspected that after Shepard's involvement with Cerberus, and her continued arguing with the Council, they had decided to not simply set a second human Spectre loose without some supervision.

To his surprise he had found that Jondum Bau was genuinely interested in helping him acclimatise to his new role. Perhaps it was the keen curiosity that all salarians shared, or maybe Bau was in himself kind-hearted and fair? What ever the case, Kaidan couldn't have asked for a better mentor.

Kaidan let his head drop back against the rusty wall behind him. The moment of glory and fame he'd experienced being chosen as the second human Spectre seemed far away. His mind went to Shepard.

Had she felt the same kind of loneliness that he did? The same heavy weight of responsibility on her shoulders

No doubt she had, he answered himself. No doubt that was one of the things that had made her turn to Garrus. She needed someone who could ease the heavy burden of duty, someone who reminded her that she was a human being, a woman, and not just the famous Commander Shepard. Funny, Kaidan thought as he closed his eyes against the red tinted darkness of the cell. That the one person who could do that was a turian...

* * * * *

Joker, EDI, Cortez and Zaeed were making their way to Normandy's docking bay when a salarian in black armour stepped into their path. "Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau?"

"Who are you?" Joker asked non-committally .

"My name is Jondum Bau. I believe you know General Kirrahe." He took a step to the side, gesturing at the lighter-skinned salarian who accompanied him.

"Hello again, Flight Lieutenant", Kirrahe's wide mouth curved upwards in a smile as he gave Joker a long-fingered, gentle handshake.

Joker couldn't help but to smile back. There was just something light hearted about the salarians. "It's good to see you, General. Shepard told me she ran into you on Sur'Kesh. It's good to see you got out of that mess alive."

"We know about Shepard's "disappearance"." Bau said, putting bunny-ear marks around the word, and cutting the greetings short.

Joker's eyes widened and he shared a glance with Cortez. "You know?"

Bau allowed himself a small smile. "Of course. I'm a salarian Spectre."

"We came to offer you assistance", Kirrahe added. "The STG has had a small reconnaissance team working on retrieving some... items from an abandoned laboratory on Pragia. They reported seeing unusual activities in a nearby sector. Not to mention the active FFI making communication to and from the planet's surface impossible. That really got their attention."

"We suspect you are planning to free the Commander and wish to help", Jondum Bau said.

"Why?" Joker couldn't help but to ask.

"Shepard assisted me in a matter of utmost urgency not long ago, not to mention the fact that my protégé Spectre Alenko was a part of the extraction team under Garrus Vakarian's command and has failed to report in. We believe they too have been captured by the same group that holds Shepard."

"Yeah", Cortez said, speaking for the first time since the salarians' had approached them. "Garrus' team managed to free Shepard. I was at the ERV to pick them up when they were attacked. They were swarmed by the Blue Suns, they even had air support. I was forced to pull back."

"It is not a good feeling having to leave men behind", Kirrahe said nodding knowingly. "Shepard fought along side of me on Virrmire. It was only thanks to her and her team that we made it out of there. She held the line with me and I would be honoured if I could do the same for her now. A team from the STG under my command will back you up."

"What about the Council?" Joker wanted to know. "They've been on the Alliance brass to reassign the Normandy and leave Shepard and the others for dead."

The two salarians exchanged a look. Then Kirrahe said with a wide grin. "Screw the Council. If they don't like it they can shove it up their cloacas."

* * * * *

With Garrus' words still caressing her ears, Shepard slid the knife back into the sheath held against her body by the waistband of the dirty wet sweatpants. After having made sure she could reach it and draw it quickly enough, she settled back against the cold wall.

Now all she had to do was to wait for that one perfect moment. For her shot at vengeance.


	23. Chapter 23

The cell door slid open with a rasping noise and Blue Sun mercs grabbed Kaidan and hauled him to his feet and out of the cell. Out of the corner of his eye he saw James being treated similarly, and behind him Garrus was dragged out too.

"What's happening!" Shepard's voice came through the locked door and the walls, shrill and hard. "What's going on? Garrus? Kaidan?"

"It's okay", he started to say as they dragged him past her door but a rifle butt aimed at his kidneys cut him short and turned the words into a groan.

The leader of the group, the same man that had caught him stopped outside Shepard's door. "The Dealer wants to see some blood. And we are happy to oblige, isn't that so, boys?"

The mercs answered with cruel laughers and excited shouts. It was clear that they were looking forward to this.

"He wants you to watch too, Commander." The man punched in the code that opened the lock. "Come on", he said, dragging Shepard out into the corridor. "We mustn't let the man wait." He pushed Shepard to make her walk and steered her down the corridor with a hand on her shoulder. "He is paying us a fortune, but to tell you the truth, Commander, I would gladly do this for free." He leaned close to her, bringing his mouth to her ear, his fingers digging into her shoulder hard enough to make her wince. "I've had many women but you were by far the best...

The implication of his words froze her. She felt her body go numb with fear, felt her stomach tie up in a tight knot when he let his other arm slide around her waist and pull her against him. His breath was hot and wet against her ear. She tried to move away from him but he tightened his grip on her and held her in place. "Even reluctant you were sweeter than most are willing..."

He pressed into her and she would have doubled over hadn't he held her upright. Bile rose in her throat and black spots whirled in front of her eyes. "I'm going to kill you", she promised, her voice low and ragged. "I'm going to rip your fucking heart out."

The man laughed brutally and shoved her in front of him to make her move. "Come now, there is no need for such foul language. You forget, you're in no position to make threats, Commander. Or would you like to watch when I punish your friends for your bad behaviour?" With that he pushed her through the door at the end of the corridor and into a room brightly lit with spotlights.

The white ceramic tiled floor and walls gleamed. The harsh light that made them blink and squint after the hours spent in darkness. Hand-cuffs linked to chains hung down from the ceiling to the left and the right of a chair similar to the one they had strapped Shepard to in that other facility. It looked... staged. As if someone had built a set for recording a vid, and she wasn't surprised when she saw two camera droids hovering a few feet up in the air. No doubt, they would descend like vultures to transmit every anguished scream, every drop of blood the torturers could force from their victims.

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, her mouth dry, her breath rasping in and out of her throat as the man behind her shoved her towards the middle of the room, towards the chair.

* * * * *

The Normandy's armoury had become the central point for planning the operation. The high-pitched voices of the salarians mingled with the rough growling tones of Zaeed Massani as they tossed ideas between them.

This wasn't the first time Kirrahe and Bau planned an extraction and the veteran bounty hunter couldn't help but to be impressed by the ingenuity of some of the ideas they proposed. He had worked with salarians before and knew they weren't as soft as they looked but he hadn't worked with anyone of Jondum Bau and Kirrahe's skill and experience. The determination, the sheer bravado, the two of them displayed more than matched his own.

The plan itself was simple enough. Cortez would drop off Kirrahe and his STG-team a few clicks from the facility itself and then make a loop, coming up on the building's right flank but staying out of its sight. With the IFF still active he would have to fly blind, relying on the maps and charts he was going over with Joker and EDI. Once the STG guys reached the facility they would cause a distraction, something that sent the mercs scurrying out of their base like curious rats.

Cortez would then proceed towards the building and drop Zaeed, Bau and Javik right on top of it. Kirrahe and his men would meet up with the shuttle to keep the LZ cleared of enemies until the extraction team returned.

A piece of cake.

But Zaeed knew better than most that things could get messy very quickly. He was counting on it in fact.

* * * * *

Shepard was forced to watch as the mercs stripped the three men to their waists. A black dampening collar was put around Kaidan's neck. It beeped and the omni-lock at the back started blinking red, indicating that it was active, interrupting the neurological signals to the L2-implant.

Then the metal hand-cuffs were clasped around James and Garrus' wrists and the chains were adjusted until their arms were stretched above their heads and they were forced to stand on the tip of their toes.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked, her voice barely more then a whisper.

"Because the Dealer pays me to." The man's voice rasped in her ear. "And because I enjoy it."

"Who is the Dealer?"

"I don't know", the man said as if it was a riddle he himself had wondered about. "I've never met him face to face. Our businesses are always conducted via holo-comm and all I ever see of him is a shadow."

"He's hired you before?" She asked, watching as Kaidan was strapped into the chair.

"Yeah. Usually to hunt down batarians. We take them here or to one of the other facilities the Dealer has prepared. We torture them for days and make them beg for their lives again and again. And these little things." He jerked a thumb towards the camera droids that was whirring into position. "They're his eyes and ears. He sees and hears everything. He is watching now..." He breathed the last words into her ear like a lover whispering of his desire. "He wants to watch as we torture your boyfriend..."

"He is not my boyfriend", Shepard managed.

"Ah, there is no use denying it, Commander", the man said grinning. "You two where quite the hot item two years ago, and one of our informants overheard you flirting during the Major's hospitalisation."

Shepard gave him a glance over her shoulder. "We're not together any more. Just let him go."

The man laughed, a rich surprisingly warm and beautiful sound. "Would you rather he watched you get raped then? Or maybe you'd like to watch us rape him?" He slid his hands up her sides, following the curve of her hips and waist, up to her breasts. Shepard shuddered in repulsion. "I could do to him everything I did to you, darling..." The man whispered in her ear. "Raping a man breaks him. It turns him into something less then a man in the eyes of himself. But some men..." He breathed, rubbing the palm of his hands over her breasts. "Some men like it, like being humiliated and used. I bet your pretty Major is one of them..."

"You're sick", she gritted out. She held her bound hands pressed against her abdomen, feeling the hard line of the hidden knife against her skin. She met Kaidan's gaze. She could tell by the tense lines around his eyes that he was struggling to remain calm.

"It's okay", he said, his voice hoarse. "This is not your fault, Shepard."

"Kaidan..."

Behind her the mercenary laughed again. "Such devotion and loyalty. How touching..." He let go of the grip he had on her and stepped around her, sauntering towards the three males on the display. "Let's see if the others are as brave. What about this one?" He had stopped in front of James and grabbed the young man's face, his fingers digging into James' cheeks. "According to our dossiers you regard him as something of a little brother, don't you, Commander?"

"Let go of him!" Shepard's voice was sharp.

"And what of the turian?" The man said with another unpleasant wide grin. "He's been with you from the start." He released his grip on James' face and walked over to the other side of the scene's centre-piece, the torturing chair with Kaidan.

Garrus met the man's amused gaze with eyes the colour and heat of a welding-torch. "You're the one that raped her", he said, sub-harmonics dark and menacing. "It was you I smelt on her. You will die for that."

The man laughed. "You forget, turian. You're a prisoner, and I'm the one who will kill you. When the Dealer has tired of your screams, and the screams of your pretty Commander you all die." He turned towards Shepard again. "Shall we start, dear?" He walked with deliberate slowness between the two men extended from the chains and Kaidan strapped to the chair. Then he stopped and lifted two fingers to his ear. "Yes sir?" He listened to the instructions and nodded and smiled. "As you wish." He turned back to Shepard. "We've been given new orders. The Dealer wants to save your lover for later and start with your young Lieutenant."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Soundtrack: Play Dead – Björk**
> 
> _It's sometimes just like sleeping_  
>  _curling up inside my private tortures_  
>  _I nestle into pain_  
>  _hug suffering_  
>  _caress every ache..._
> 
> _I play dead,_  
>  _It stops the hurting_
> 
> _I play dead,_  
>  _and the hurting stops..._
> 
> **Apparently the line: "I may be on the side of the angels..." is from Sherlock Holmes. I thought I was freely interpreting a verse from Measure for Measure by William Shakespeare and instead I've managed to copy a line from some BBC series based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books, starring Benedict Cumberbatch. Thank you to Barleyguy and ITNW1989 who pointed this out to me. :)**
> 
> **The verse from Measure for Measure goes: "O, what man may within him hide, though an angel on the outward side."**
> 
> **The phrase "Being on the side of the Angels" is also used in The Tudors.**

James raised his head. Blood was smeared across his face, his right eye was almost completely swollen shut and his nose was broken. His body screamed with pain. He had managed to hold back a cry of pain when they had smashed a couple of his ribs by giving him a round house kick that hit him square in his chest. The grunts and the whimpers that did escape him had been lost among the other noises.

When the torturers didn't get the response they wanted they had gotten creative.

They had injected him with something that spread through his system like wildfire, something that made him acutely aware of way his bodyweight pulling on the muscles and tendons of his arms and shoulders.

His face had begun to throb in time with his heart, his ribs started sending spikes of agony through him with every breath. He could feel everything. The metal cuffs digging into his wrists. The burn of sweat mixed with blood dripping into his eyes. The cold, hard tiles under his toes and the weight of stale air on his naked skin. Each cut and bruise was magnified a thousand fold. The tears leaking out of his eyes felt like acide on his face and he sobbed, unable to control it.

The leader of the merry gang of torturers, the one he had dubbed 'Laughing Boy', did just that.

"Looks like our little party favour is doing its job", he said and laughed again.

James could hear Shepard begging them to leave him alone, her voice heavy with tears, and Kaidan and Garrus cursing and promising horrible retributions the moment they where free. Their voices were a distant choir in his world of pain and torment.

Laughing Boy spoke into his ear, making James flinch as the sound of it assailed his nerves like nails dragged down a blackboard. "The drug hyper-sensitizes its users, making them respond to the lightest of touches." He scraped his gloved nails down James' back, making him arch and whimper. "The Dealer ordered this next part, special, just for you..."

James couldn't keep from flinching from the sound behind him: the hiss of a whip. He forced his eyes open, tears, blood and sweat and the drug blurred his vision but he could make out the slender shape of Shepard standing where the torturer had left her; a small figure in a dirty, grey T-shirt and a pair of ruined sweatpants. He blinked and met Shepard's broken and shattered eyes. Tears were running down her cheeks.

"Please, stop this!"

Laughing Boy laughed and sent the whip flying.

Pain exploded like a searing white hot supernova and James screamed, unable to hold anything back. The second lash hit him across his lower back and he bucked and thrashed, screaming again and again.

Shepard forced herself not to look away, to meet James' fractured gaze. She was curling her fingers into fists hard enough that her nails would leave bloody half-moon shape marks in the palms of her hands.

_All I need is one chance... One moment when they're distracted..._ The words repeated themselves in her mind over and over like a mantra.

When an alarm suddenly started to blare, it felt as if her heart stopped beating. Her whole body tensed.

The man lowered the whip with an annoyed grunt. "It might be another varren setting it off again. Go and check it out", he ordered. His two assistants left, clearly not happy about the fact that they were going to miss part of the show.

Laughing Boy dropped the whip and stepped around James, letting his hands slide over the trembling body slick with sweat and blood. He lifted the drooping head up and leaned in close. "This is my favourite part", he whispered and James shuddered at the sound of his voice.

_One chance..._

Shepard took a slow, deep breath and forced herself to moved forward, her bare feet making no sound on the tiles. With one swift movement she drew the knife and pressed it just below the base of the torturer's skull. The man froze.

"One move and I'll sever the nerves and turn you into a vegetable for the rest of your life", Shepard hissed.

He tried to turn his head, but the sharp pain when Shepard applied enough pressure on the knife to break the skin, advise from it. "My men will come back at any moment. Do really you think you'll get away with this?" He asked.

"I don't care", she gritted out. "Release my friends. Now."

The man hesitated but then reached up and opened the metal-cuffs. James fell into a trembling heap on the tiles. Shepard forced herself to look away from him. She pushed the man towards Kaidan. He complied, undoing the straps and then moved to release Garrus.

Kaidan was out the chair, yanking the black collar from his throat, throwing it with a snarl of disgust against the wall where it shattered. He ran over to where Vega lay on the bloodstained floor. As gently as he could he rolled the marine over onto his back and checked his pulse. It was too fast and erratic and his breathing was shallow.

"Kaidan...?" James managed to whisper. He struggled to open his eyes.

"It's okay, James", he said, putting a hand against the younger man's cheek. "I've got you."

Garrus had grabbed the torturer's weapon, a battered and scratched shot gun, and was aiming it at him. "What now, Shepard?"

"Unlock my cuffs", she ordered the man. He stared at her with defiance in his pale eyes, then Garrus slammed the butt of the rifle into his stomach making him double over and groan in pain.

"Do as she says!" He growled. "Now!"

The man climbed to his feet, still rubbing his stomach. He activated his omni-tool and pressed in a few digits. The cuffs snapped open and Shepard let them drop to the floor. She rubbed her wrists, staring at him. "Put him in the chair."

Garrus pushed the man towards the torturing device hard enough that he fell into it. Before he could react the turian had him strapped into it. Shepard bent down and picked up the two syringes that he had dropped when she put her knife at his neck.

Kaidan's eyes widened. He had been raiding a medi-gel dispenser to treat James' injuries, now he turned to Shepard. "What are you going to do to him?"

"I'm going to give him a taste of his own medicine", she replied, her eyes on the torturer strapped into the chair, the man that had raped her again and again. She shifted her grip on the large knife, weighing it in her hand. "What's your name?" She asked.

The man looked like he was going to refuse to answer her but then did so anyway. "Coetzee."

She leaned over him, bringing her lips close to his ear. "So you like to torture and rape, Coetzee? You enjoy inflicting pain... I wonder, how long will it take me to make you beg me to stop?"

She stabbed the knife through his hand, hard enough that it scraped against the chair's metal armrest after it had pierced the flesh and tendons. He arched, eyes bulging, his mouth opening and closing like a fish on dry land but aside from a grunt he didn't make any noise.

"My God, Shepard..." Kaidan said numbly, his face pale. "Don't do this."

"I want the ID-codes to the FFI. Now!" Shepard demanded, ignoring Kaidan.

Coetzee bared his teeth in a grin. "You're not going to do it, Commander. You're a good person, a goddamn hero. You don't have what it takes to torture a man."

Shepard's eyes were dark and unreadable. "I may be on the side of the angels", she said. "But don't think for one moment that I am one of them. Not after what you and your men did to me." She yanked the knife out of his hand, splattering fresh blood on the already stained floor. Another grunt escaped the man and sweat was pouring down his face.

Kaidan watched in frozen horror as Shepard moved around the chair, picking up a pair of pruning shears, the sort one might use when gardening. She grabbed the man's other hand, placing his thumb between the shears' blades. "Give me the codes", she ordered again.

"My men will come", Cotzee said through gritted teeth. "And then you will be in a world of pain, Commander. We'll take turns fucking you-"

She closed the shears, severing the thumb from the hand. Blood spurted and this time he screamed.

* * * * *

Thick smoke billowed around the old, half-overgrown buildings. The sound of weapons being fired could be heard over the shuttle's engines. When the STG caused a distraction they didn't mess about, Zaeed thought and grinned. He was leaning out through the shuttles open hatch.

"All right, Cortez. Take us around to the platform on the other side and drop us off."

"Aye aye, sir", Steve said, his hands dancing over the Kodiak's controls. The shuttle made a wide loop to avoid being caught in the clouds of smoke. He was flying without the aid of the radar so keeping the field of vision clear was vital.

More explosions and more smoke, this time a little further to the left of the huddling building, drawing the Blue Sun mercs away from the base.

Zaeed ran callused fingers over the his beloved rifle. She was beaten up, old and scared. Just like him. "Ready for action, Jessie?" He mumbled. "Let's make these bastards pay for laying a hand on Shepard."

Cortez brought them around, approaching the base at high speed. He would have to get down there and hope that the element of surprise was on their side, and that the gunship wasn't air born. After that it was up to the STG-team to keep the platform and the Kodiak safe until Zaeed and Bau returned. He said a quick prayer, crossed himself and landed.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a heap for all the kudos and the comments! :)

"All right", Shepard said, holding up the syringes. "Let's do this the hard way."

Coetzee'seyes widened, fear making them bulge out of their sockets. "But I gave you the codes to the FFI!" He was bleeding from several cuts criss crossing his chest and his nose was broken. A second digit had joined the thumb on the grimy floor and electrodes had been fastened to his neck. He stank of sour sweat, urine and fear.

"I want the Dealer." Shepard's voice was low and hard. She held up the two syringes he had dropped earlier. "You know where he is!"

"I don't! Oh, God... I swear! Please... don't use that on me... Please..." He begged. "I'll do anything, just don't... don't inject me with that."

Shepard gritted her teeth. He had done far worse to her then the things she had done to him in these ten, or fifteen minutes or so, and he begged for mercy? "Stop your whining and give me what I want!"

"I don't know where he is!" Coetzee repeated desperately. "You have to believe me! Oh God, he'll kill me..."

Shepard leaned over the man, grabbing him by his dark hair and forcing his head back, exposing the throat. She pressed the two syringes against the jugular vein, hard enough that the needles penetrated the skin. "But what I'll do is much, much worse then death, isn't it? The choice is yours."

The man's Adam's apple gulped. "P-please... All I have is the comm-sequence he uses. It's on my omni-tool."

Shepard nodded and Garrus activated the man's omni-tool and transferred the comm-sequences to his own. "I have it, Shepard. Now let's get the hell out of here."

"No", she said, her voice hard and brittle. "I want him to suffer."

Kaidan had been seeing to James but now he turned to the Commander. "Don't you think he's suffered enough?" He asked. He was pale but composed. A part of him was shocked by Shepard's blood-thirst, but another part of him understood her need to destroy this man. It was a dark part he had thought he had left behind when he joined the Alliance. "We've listen to him scream for the last fifteen minutes. Either kill him or don't, but let's leave. James needs medical treatment and-"

"I want the Dealer!" Shepard interrupted him. "He's the one who did this. To me and to James. Coetzee is just a tool... " She meet Kaidan's amber coloured eyes. "I need to find the Dealer. I need to know who he is."

"I understand", Kaidan said, meeting her dark, burning gaze. "But not like this, Shepard. You're better than this-"

"Back off, Alenko." Garrus voice was a low growl. "This is Shepard's call."

Kaidan looked like he was going to object but then turned his attention back to James.

"Let... her... kill... him", James managed.

An explosion shook the room. Kaidan shielded James from the falling plaster with his own body and Garrus pulled Shepard aside just as a piece of the ceiling caved in. Dust and smoke rose, making them cough.

The sound of guns being fired reached them. "What the hell is going on?" Garrus demanded. "Are there any other gangs operating in this sector?"

Coetzee was shaking his head, coughing, gulping for air. "N-no." A second explosion made them all huddle down as more debris rained down. The sound of weapons being fired reached them. Shepard climbed to her feet. She once again pressed the syringes against the pounding jugular in the man's neck.

"If you have the sequences the Dealer uses I'm sure you've traced them back to the source. You know where he is."

Coetzee looked up into the Commander's eyes, they were as dark and cold as space. There was no compassion there, no mercy. He knew his only chance of survival was to give her the information. "Illium", he whispered. "But I don't know where, I swear! He bounces the signal through different servers and shit. All I know is that he's somewhere on Illium and that he used to work for Cerberus."

"Cerberus?" Shepard frowned. "Did they have something to do with this?"

"N-no." Coetzee carefully shook his head. "Our inside contact said he went rouge about three years ago. They've been trying to find him ever since but..." A third explosion drowned his words and the following sound of gunfire was louder then before.

"That's our cue, Shepard!" Garrus shouted. "Let's get the hell out of here before the whole building collapses on top of us!"

Kaidan had helped James up on his feet and were already leading him towards the door, holding him steady with an arm around his waist. "Come on!" He yelled. "We have to go!"

But Shepard didn't seem to have heard them. She stared at Coetzee. "Go ahead", he said. "Just kill me and get it over with.

"You tortured me and raped me because someone paid you to do it..." Shepard said slowly. "You don't deserve an easy death." She held up the two syringes. The liquid in them had a faint turquoise colour. She grabbed Coetzee by his short dark hair, pulling his head back, exposing the throat. "I hope this will make you die screaming, you son of a bitch." She slammed the two needles into his neck and injected the drug.

Coetzee made a strangled sound, his eyes wide and bulging, his body arching. She stood there, staring at him as his jaws worked and he started to foam from the mouth.

Garrus touched her arm. "Come on, Shepard", he said softly. "You did it. He's dead. Let's go." Numbly she let him lead her towards the door, dropping the empty syringes.

* * * * *

"First floor cleared", Jondum Bau said, reloading the shiny little gun he used. Zaeed had almost choked when the salarian Spectre had pulled out the little thing, but after having seen the destruction it caused he viewed it with a lot more respect.

"I told you, they're keeping them downstairs", he rasped. "They'll be held in one of the subterranean levels. Bastards like this has no imagination."

"But", Bau said and smiled. "They do have explosives. The whole base seemed to be rigged."

Zaeed shrugged. "Saves us the trouble of planting bombs, doesn't it. Shepard will want this place turned into rubble."

"Perhaps it's best to wait to set off any more of the charges until we've found her and the others?" Bau suggested, taking the lead down the stairs. With most of the mercs milling around outside like panicked ants the base itself had been all but empty. They hadn't had any trouble taking out the few guards they had come across. It had almost been too easy and it had made Zaeed nervous.

The booby-traps had been a welcomed return to the shitty world he knew and loved. And triggering them was fun.

The corridor at the end of the stairs was dark and filled with whirling dust and smoke. A movement in the far end of the corridor made him pull the trigger. The sound of the heavy rifle was deafening. A couple of slugs whistled past his right ear and he dove into the flimsy cover of one of the doorways.

A blue light flared as someone activated a biotic barrier. Zaeed peered through the smoke at the dark figures huddling behind a broken crate. Three humans and one turian. "Is that you, Shepard?"

One of the figures moved. "Zaeed?"

He grinned and stepped out from the doorway. "In the flesh. We've come to rescue you. I should have known you wouldn't need it."

Shepard rose and lowered the gun she had taken from Coetzee. "So you're the one that attacked the base?"

"He had help", Jondum Bau said, moving out of cover and extending his hand to the Commander. "It's good to see you alive, Shepard."

She took his hand and managed a smile. "Yeah..." Another explosion shook the building. But this was fainter and seemed to come from outside.

"An STG-team under the command of Kirrahe is waiting for us on the roof", Bau said. "They are keeping the shuttle safe but we should hurry."

Shepard nodded, relief washing through her. "All right, let's go."

Zaeed and Bau took the lead with Shepard and the others following them closely. James was still feeling the effect of the drug and the torture but he was conscious and able to walk with Kaidan's help. They moved through the facility, retracing Zaeed and Bau's steps.

Shepard changed the pistol for a Sub-Machine gun she took from one of the dead mercs and Garrus found a decent shot gun. The sound of weapons being fired grew louder as they moved up towards the roof. Then they were suddenly outside.

The humid air was filled with the smell of the jungle and smoke. The STG-team were holding the platform. And there, just to the right of its centre, like a mirage, stood the Kodiak.

The relief was like a drug, washing through her system. Shepard felt as if she was flying, as if time had slowed down and speed up at the same time. She struggled to keep herself up on her feet, struggled to keep close to Garrus, Kaidan and James, fearful she would lose them to the battle they were leaving behind.

Garrus put his arm around her when she faltered, giving her of his strength. "I've got you", she heard him say through the sound of gunfire. "I'm not letting you go." Shepard turned her head and looked into his eyes and saw a mixture of emotions, too complex to be deciphered.

Behind them James suddenly tripped over a root or a rock and nearly fell, almost pulling Kaidan with him. He struggled to stay upright and caught all his weight on the bad knee. White, hot flashes of pain exploded before his eyes and from somewhere far away he heard himself scream. Then there was only darkness.

"Go!" Zaeed shouted at them, having caught James in mid-strife. He was now carrying the wounded soldier, grunting under the weight. "Keep up the pace! Head for the shuttle!"

Kaidan felt Garrus grab his arm, pulling him along, he focused on putting on foot in front of the other. He could hear Shepard's breath ripping in and out of her throat and Garrus cursing as a bullet graced his shoulder. Salvation was so close When they came close enough to hear the buzzing sound of the shuttle's drive core it was the most beautiful sound anyone of them had ever heard.

The hatch was open and then Cortez was there, extending his hand to them, like a saving angel. Shepard grabbed it and was pulled into the safety. Kaidan and Garrus followed next, falling in a heap. Zaeed was the next to climb in. He put the unconscious James in one of the seats and flopped down next to Shepard. Kirrahe and Jondum Bau dove inside, pulling the hatch down.

"You look like shit, kid", the scarred mercenary said taking in her dirty, torn clothes, the bruises, the cuts and scrapes. His keen eyes noticed the needle-tracks still marring the inside of her arms. "What the hell did these bastards to to you?"

Cortez had taken his seat in the cockpit, his hands dancing over the Kodiak's controls and the shuttle took off. Below them the STG-team melted back into the jungle to continue with their own mission.

Shepard leaned her head against the cold metal floor of the shuttle, her head spinning, her breath coming short and hard. She shook her head at Zaeed, unable to answer. He nodded slowly as if her silence was answer enough for him.

"We found explosive charges", he said in that whiskey and smoke voice of his. "No one is getting out of that place alive." His hand touched her, clasping her shoulder and handed her the trigger he had rigged.

Shepard stared at the metal and plastic object. Then she pressed the button and a roar rose up as the old buildings were swallowed in a cloud of fire. "Thank you", she mumbled.

Zaeed grinned at her. "Happy to help, kid."

Then someone wrapped a blanket around her and the shuttle trembled and shook slightly as Cortez pressed the throttle, picking up speed, bringing them up through the atmosphere and towards the waiting Normandy.

Shepard sat, leaning against the wall, feeling the vibrations through the metal. Garrus put his hand over hers, squeezing it gently and Kaidan looked up from having checked on James to give her a smile. The last thing that went through Shepard's mind before she dozed off, comforted by the sound of the shuttle and the sense of safety, was the sight of their faces and the sensation of being alive. _We made it,_ she thought. _We made it..._


	26. Chapter 26

Shepard stepped out of the shuttle. Every member of the crew, save for those on guard duty, had gathered in the hangar bay. Joker came limping towards her, his green eyes churning. He embraced her and she hugged him back carefully.

"I'm sorry, Commander", he whispered, his voice heavy with tears.

"It wasn't your fault, Joker", she said. "I'm just glad they didn't hurt you."

The pilot took a step back, wiping at his eyes, smiling at her. "My cap and my thick, luscious hair protected me."

She returned his smile. Then Liara was there, hugging her tightly, kissing her on the cheek. "I was so afraid I wouldn't see you again. Thank the Goddess you're safe..."

Everyone had tears in their eyes and offered the returning team-members pats on the back, smiles and hugs, as if wanting to make sure they were really there. Finally Doctor Chakwas clapped her hands together. "That's enough", she said loudly. "Everyone back to your stations, I want Shepard and Lieutenant Vega taken to the med-bay stat."

Shepard followed the Doctor into the elevator. James was lying on gurney. He was conscious and lucid but in pain. He smiled up at Shepard, taking her hand. "We made it, all of us", he said in a weak whisper.

She nodded. She felt numb, closed off from everything, as if she had left her emotions in that dirty room with the stained white tiles, the torture-devices and the corpse of the man that had raped her.

An hour later, after Chakwas had examined her, Shepard exited the elevator and stepped into her cabin. The fish tank illuminated it in blue hues and soft shadows. She didn't bother to turn on the lights. Her hair was still wet from the shower she had taken down in the med-bay. She passed the cluttered desk and then the coffee-table framed by the two couches.

She kicked off the trainers and curled up on the bed, knees pulled up towards her chest and arms wrapped around herself, wondering when the numbness would go away and the reality of it all would hit her.

She was still wondering when she fell a sleep and returned to Pragia, reliving a distorted version of the rapes, the escape through the jungle, of being captured. She saw James being tortured again, only this time he died and she was the one standing there, holding syringes containing the drug that had killed him. Then it wasn't James but Coetzee and she was standing over him, watching the light slowly go out of his eyes as he begged for mercy with blood and saliva congealing around his mouth. Then the scene changed and she was back in the jungle, running for the ERV. She burst out through the tree line only to find that it was the black, sleek gunship that met her and not the Kodiak.

She watched as its heavy cannons zeroed in on her and fired.

Shepard woke up with a start, staring around in a panic, wondering where the hell she was. It took a few seconds to remember that she was back on board the Normandy. A sound coming from outside her closed and locked door made her flinch again. She took deep breath, calming her frayed nerves and trying to clear her head.

She got out of bed and stretched, wincing as her stiff, sore muscles protested. Shepard crossed the cabin on bare feet, pressed in the code that would unlock the door and opened it. She wasn't really surprised to see Garrus standing there, leaning against the wall next to the elevator. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you but you'd locked the door", he said, unfolding from his slouching posture. "When EDI said you were sleeping I didn't want to wake you." He was shuffling his feet a little, his dual-toned voice holding trilling sub-harmonics that told her he was nervous, or worried.

She did her best to give him a smile from within the shell of numbness. "I'm fine. You should get some rest yourself, you look like you could-" He took her hand and the rest of the words got stuck in her throat.

"You're not fine", he said, his eyes meeting hers. "I'm not just some crew-member serving under you that you can brush off with a fake smile and a lie. I know you too well, Shepard." His mandibles tenses against his face when she responded by moving away from him and her hand slipped out of his. He followed her into the cabin. "I noticed you've ordered Joker to change course. Where are we going?"

"Illium", she replied and he saw true emotion for the first time since they had returned to the Normandy.

"Shepard... You don't have to do this. Let Liara's agents find this guy and-"

"No!" Her voice was sharp like the crack of a whip and she turned to him with blazing eyes. "I need to know who he is. I need to find out why he did this to me. I need to look into his eyes when..." Her voice trailed off.

"When you kill him?" Garrus asked softly.

Shepard took a deep breath. "Yes..." She whispered. "When I kill him..."

He came up to her and she forced herself to not back away, to stand still when his hands settled on her shoulders. "Vengeance isn't free", he said in that same soft tone of voice, but there was a glint of steel in his eyes. "You always have to pay a price. You pay in blood, in lives... It blackens your soul and hardens your heart."

She met his steady gaze. She could see the truth in his eyes. For the first time she realised that killing Sidonis hadn't ended it for him. He had slacked his blood-thirst, his lust for revenge. But it hadn't change anything. Hadn't brought him the peace he sought.

"Do you still want it?" He asked.

Shepard's voice was rough when she replied. "Yes."

Garrus nodded. "Then we go to Illium. You and me, Shepard, no-one else. We do this alone and we end it together."


	27. Recompense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, people! This is where that big question of the Dealer's identity will be answered. I hope you enjoy the chapter. :)

Illium.

Where it had started. Where they had kidnapped her. She had been taken to Pragia. She had been tortured, raped. She had survived. Thanks to Kaidan, James and Garrus, she had survived. And now she wanted revenge.

Shepard stared at the vista of skyscrapers. Elegant lines, stretching upwards, reaching for the stars. Somewhere, in one of those pretty buildings the man who had paid a fortune to have her kidnapped, tortured and raped, waited.

She had come to Illium to find him and end it.

Garrus came up beside her, resting his elbows on the rail. "You don't have to do this."

"I do", she replied, tearing her eyes away from the view to look at him. "You of all people know why."

He met her gaze. It was dark and haunted. Her nights were filled with nightmares as she relived the rape and torture again and again. "You where right", he said softly. "Killing Sidonis didn't help... I still see the faces of my dead team. The only difference is that he joined the ghosts haunting me."

"At least you stopped him from betraying anyone else", Shepard replied, turning back to the beautiful view without seeing it. "That's why I have to kill him. So he can't do this ever again. And I want him to die bloody", she added in darker tones.

Garrus put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm with you, Shepard. If this is what you want, I'll help you."

She nodded slowly. "Thank you."

Liara was tracking the comm-sequences Cotzee had given them. But she wouldn't be able to pin point his exact location until he went online and actually used his comm. Shepard took a deep breath and raised two fingers to her ear.

The person picking up the call didn't say anything but she could hear him breathing. The Dealer...

"I'm coming for you", she said, her voice low and hard. "Do you hear me? I'm going to find you and I'm going to kill you."

"I know..."

Shepard felt a jolt go through her and she couldn't hold back a gasp. She didn't know what she had thought would happen when she made the call, but she sure as hell hadn't anticipated that he would talk to her. A strange feeling of dread overcame her. He was a monster and she had expected he would sound like a monster, that his voice would be a snarling, animal-like growl, not this even, completely human sounding voice. He sounded so young.

"I'm sending the nav-point to you now", he said and her omni-tool bleeped as the transfer was completed. "I am looking forward to seeing you, Sarah..."

Sarah... The name seemed to echo through her mind and Shepard felt her legs give up under her and she had to hold onto the rail not to end up as a heap on the ground. Sarah... No one used her first name, not even Garrus. She was Shepard now. She hadn't been Sarah since she left Mindoir.

She took a deep breath and wanted to say something to the bastard... the monster... on the other end of the line, but she didn't trust her voice. She disconnected the call and turned away from the magnificent view. Behind her she heard Garrus talk to Liara via the comm.

"Did you get it?" He snapped. "We need this, T'Soni." His voice seemed to come to her from a distance.

"He is sending us the nav-point", she managed, her voice strangely weak and breathless. She felt Garrus' hand on her shoulder and looked up to find him watching her intently.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah..." Her omni-tool beeped and they both turned their gazes to it.

"It's him, isn't it?" Garrus asked.

Shepard stared at the omni-tool, at the nav. The location signified by a red dot was almost frighteningly close. From across the plaza with its merchants the elevator doors opened and they both flinched.

Shepard made a decision. She started walking towards the waiting elevator.

It took Garrus a stunned moment before he could move. He caught up with Shepard and grabbed her arm. "It's a trap! It has to be!"

She met his gaze calmly. "I know."

"Then don't do this!" Garrus' grip on her arm hardened as she turned towards the elevator again. "Please, Shepard. Let's take a moment and think this through. We can go in there heavily armed with a backup team standing ready-"

All the fear, the shock of hearing his voice, the torture and the pain both mental and physical she had gone through, it all boiled down to this moment. "I am finishing this."

When Shepard stepped into the elevator so did Garrus.

The doors closed and Garrus had to struggle not to grab for his rifle. This was crazy. This might very well be where they would die. He glanced at Shepard who was staring at the polished metal doors in front of her. If this was the end, at least they would face it together.

When a hissing noise sounded and gas started spewing into the elevator via the ventilation grid neither one of them was surprised.

"Spirits..." Garrus mumbled, struggling not to give into the instinctive fear of choking. Shepard started coughing, she stumbled and started to claw at her own throat. Garrus ignored his own discomforts and caught her and gently lowered her to the floor.

"Can't breathe..." She gasped, her eyes luminous with fear.

Garrus tried to think of something to say, something that would calm her and give her some comfort... that would give them both some comfort, but it was as if all the oxygen had been sucked from the cramped compartment. His field of vision narrowed until he was suddenly plunged into a darkness filled with pin-points of light, and then those too disappeared.

* * * * *

Shepard slowly opened her eyes. The ceiling above her was white and smooth with rounded corners. The design was so distinctly Asari that it told her she was still on Illium. She raised her head a little and the pain exploded behind her eyes like a supernova.

Ignoring the headache she looked around. The room was dark but she could make out Garrus laying in a heap by the wall.

Shepard pushed herself up. She felt wobbly and every movement seemed to take an enormous effort but she managed to crawl over to where Garrus lay. She grabbed his shoulder and shook him. "Wake up, Garrus." The turian groaned a little but other than that didn't move or open his eyes.

"He is quite heavily sedated."

The voice came from behind and she spun herself around, her hand going for the heavy pistol only to find it wasn't there.

A man, silhouetted against the panorama of Illum's skyscrapers raised his hand. "Are you looking for this?" Her gun dangled from his fingers. He had his back to her but she could make out his profile when he turned slightly to look at her over his shoulder.

The line of his forehead, his straight nose, the shape of the chin, it was strangely familiar. Shepard managed to climb to her feet but remained where she was, unwilling to leave Garrus unprotected. "Who are you?" She demanded.

"Strange", the man said and once again she had that feeling of familiarity. "I was so sure the very first thing you would say to me was my name."

She frowned, trying to see through the shadows. "Do I know you?"

He turned towards her, his face still hidden by the darkness. Her gun was still dangling from his fingers as he took a slow step towards her. "Don't you recognise me, Sarah?"

That voice...

Shepard started shaking. "N-no... It can't be..." She started to back away. "No... This isn't real..."

"But it is, Sarah", he said in that youthful voice that was so painfully familiar. As he came towards her in a strange, slow limp, light from a discreet source fell across his face and she gave a strangled moan of denial.

The face was hideously scared. A part of the left side of the temple together with the left eye had been replaced by synthetic prostheses, and by the crude look the event that had rendered him scarred must have been treated too late for a reconstruction to have been possible. But the right eye and the right side of the face was free from scars, and the recognition hit her like a stunning blow.

She was standing with her back pressed against the wall, overwhelmed by disbelief. What was coming towards her was a ghost. "No... I saw you get shot by the batarians. I saw you die..."

His shattered face was twisted further as he smiled. "I survived. Sort of..." He took another step towards her. The cumbersome limp told her that it wasn't just the face that was damaged, most likely either on of his legs or maybe both had been replaced by prostheses as well. "I have waited so long for this, little sister..." he said, coming to a halt a few steps away from her. There was a certain warmth in his voice that indicated a pride in her resilience, in the sheer stubbornness that had brought here here. He watched her, waited, as if curious to see if her first reaction would be one of shock, disgust or perhaps rage.

But her first reaction was one of complete incomprehension.

"You...", she began, her voice wavering, her eyes wide as she stared at him. At her brother whom she had seen die during the slaver's raid on Mindoir. "You did this to me..." She looked into his eyes, the same dark blue colour as her own, and saw nothing. They were empty voids. "Why?" She demanded in a whisper.

Once again his scarred face twisted into that mirthless version of a smile. "Can't you guess, Sarah?"

She shook her head and his eyes came alive with hatred and rage. "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DID TO ME!" He shouted in her face with such force that drops of saliva flew from his lips and hit her. "BECAUSE I WAS TORTURED! BECAUSE I WAS RAPED!" He grabbed her face, the metallic claws of his artificial hand dug into her cheeks. He yanked her too him, his burning eyes boring into hers. "You ran!" He gritted out. "You left me for dead! Left me to be caught by them!"

_They had been doing their chores, watering the plants in the green house, checking the oxygen and carbon dioxide levels. It was early evening and the setting sun made the wide-stretched grasslands look like they were bathed in gold._

_John gave her a playful shove. "Race you to the tree-stump", he said, grinning at her, sure that he would win._

_She shook her head. "No... I don't want to. I'm too tired."_

_He made a face. "Aww... Come on-" But before he could finish the sentence she was off, her long dark hair streaming out behind her as she left him in a cloud of dust. "You cheat!" He shouted before taking up the chase. "I'll get you!"_

_Their laughter rang out across the grass plain as they followed the trail back to their house._

_Sarah dared a glance over her shoulder. John was closing in on her and she increased her effort but he was faster and stronger and caught up with her. He grabbed her shoulder, pushing her back so she lost her balance, forcing her to slow down. He passed her, taking the lead._

_The tree-stump was half overgrown by some sort of indigenous vine and moss. He smacked his hand against, and cried out triumphantly: "I won! John Shepard! Undefeated champion of Mindoir! Hero of the Galaxy! Yeah!"_

_Sarah laughed in between gulping down air. "You're an ass, Johnny!" She flopped down on the tree-stump while her brother sat down on the ground. The sunset painted the sky in hues of red, orange and purple, and the large moon was still but a spectre close to the horizon._

_The balmy air was filled with the scent of flowers and grass still warm from the day's sunshine. Sarah inhaled deeply, filling her lungs, then frowned. The familiar perfume was tainted by the stench of burning plastic._

_"Do you smell that?"_

_John nodded and got to his feet. He looked down towards the valley with its flowerbeds and fields of corn and grain, to the orchard that hid their small farm from view, and there. "It's smoke!" He pointed. "It's coming from home!"_

_The siblings exchanged frightened looks and started to run. The previous playfulness was gone replaced by fear. Once again John took the lead while Sarah struggled to keep up._

_The path took them through a small field of sunflowers and corn. John burst through the last row of corn-stalks reaching as high as his head when a figure stepped out from the orchard. A batarian carrying a shot gun._

_John skidded to a halt._

_Still hidden from view, Sarah stopped and sank to the ground. She peered through the leafs and watched in horror as the batarian lifted its weapon and aimed at her brother._

_The shot seemed to be fired in slow-motion. John instinctively raised his hand as if trying to shield himself from the blast. From her hiding-place Sarah saw the bullets hit her brother. The hand disintegrated into red mist before the bullets ripped into his body, turning the left side of his face into a bloody mess of meat and shattered bone. The impact knocked him back, spun him and the second and third shot took away his shoulder and leg._

_Sarah screamed and the batarian's head turned in her direction as he slammed a fresh thermal clip into the shotgun..._

Shepard blinked, returning from the past. "I saw him shoot you", she said. "I didn't know you were alive..."

"Well, I was", John sneered. "And when the batarians realised they decided to have some fun with me. I'm sure you can imagine what they did. After all, I paid good money to give you the same experience."

Anger rose up within Shepard and battled with the horror. "You're sick... evil..."

"I am what you made me!" he growled in her face. "I survived! I forced myself to live! The batarians turned me into an animal... But you turned me into a monster!"

Shepard winced when his fingers once again dug into her cheeks. "You turned yourself into a monster!" She managed to break the paralysis brought on by the horror and pushed him away. He made a grab for her again, reeling her in, his strong artificial fingers wrapping themselves around her throat as he pressed her against the wall.

"I watched you", he said in that brutal snarl. "I stayed in the shadows, watching as you became the celebrated hero, the saviour of the Citadel. Honoured and respected." His face twisted into a snarl. "Loved..." The shock of it all made her slow to react and John's rage and hatred was overwhelming. "Why did you run?" He demanded. "Why did you leave me for dead?"

She struggled to answer but he had cut off her air-supply and she was clawing at his vice-like grip, slowly succumbing to the lack of oxygen.

"WHY?!" He shouted, slamming her against the wall hard enough that she saw black stars explode across her field of vision. She blinked and looked into his eyes. There was nothing there of her brother. John had died in the soft grass between the corn field and the orchard, what had risen was a twisted wounded creature who lived and breathed hate, and her heart wept for him.

A part of her wanted to give up and let death claim her. Would that not repay the debt she owed him? It was so tempting to simply let the darkness claim her and suck her down. But then her gaze fell on Garrus who had started to stir.

_You have to survive! You have to!_

Shepard started to struggle for real, choosing life over death, fighting against the madness and the hatred that had claimed her brother. Her desperately flailing hands threw punches at his face, his shoulders, but she was too weak. She fisted her hands in his shirt, tugging, begging him silently to relent.

Her field of vision was a narrow sliver, darkness threatening at the edges. The burning in her lungs made brought tears to her eyes and her whole body felt cold and numb.

Then her hand hit the butt of the pistol sticking up from the waistband of his pants, and she grabbed it. Her weak fingers found the trigger and she pressed it.

Shepard's whole world had been reduced to a burning need to breath, to survive. The sound of the shot was strangely dull. It seemed to come in waves, like ripples on a water-surface.

John slumped against her for a moment. Then his grip on her throat eased and she fell to the floor. For a moment she just lay there, completely numb. Then a spasm went through her and she sucked down air into her deprived lungs.

Her throat burned as if it was acid she gulped in and not oxygen.

A hissing noise made her remember where she was and who it was that lay no more than an arm's reach away. She wrapped her fingers around the gun more securely and struggled to raise her head.

John lay on his stomach, reaching towards her with his good hand. "Sarah..."

"Johnny..." Compassion for the brother she had played and argued with during those happy years before the batarian raiders, struggled with her hate for the monster who had ordered her to be tortured and raped.

His breathing was rasp and blood rain from his mouth as he struggled to speak. "Finish it..."

Shepard let go of the gun, pushed herself up and turned away from the broken thing that had once been her brother. "No."

The sound of Garrus moaning and coughing weakly made her roll over and crawl over to where the turian was laying. Shepard put her hand against his scarred face. "Garrus, wake up..."

He moaned again and struggled to open his eyes. "Shepard..."

Relieved she brought her forehead to his. "It's over." Together they climbed to their feet.

"Are you okay?" Garrus asked, taking in the bruises on her face and throat.

She nodded, then smiled. For the first time since the abduction it was true. She was okay. She had been through hell but she had come out the other side. "Let's get out of here."

"NO!"

They spun around to find that John had managed to climb to his knees. Blood flowed freely from the bullet-wound that had ripped through his stomach and more blood ran in rivulets from his mouth. "NO!" He hissed again. "This isn't over!" He raised a trembling hand. The blood-stained fingers were wrapped around Shepard's pistol and he held it aimed at Garrus. "Someone has to die here, little sister..."

Time wound down and all sounds faded into the background. Shepard saw the finger's twitch as John squeezed the trigger. She moved, pushing Garrus out of the way. The momentum brought her into the bullet's path and she felt an intense burning pain in her right shoulder. She met John's crazed gaze and dove as he fired again.

She could hear Garrus shouting something behind her as she launched forward, the omni-blade flickering a sharp orange. Shepard pushed the hand holding the gun aside and brought up the blade. It pierced John's throat. Blood spurted and the warm drops splattered across Shepard's face.

John's eyes widened, his mouth working to get the words out.

"I'm sorry, John", she said, her voice broken up by hard breaths. "This wouldn't have had to end this way." It was as if everything she was, everything she had become and everything she hoped to be, stood in the balance.

For the first time she could clearly see how her choices had shaped her, how they would continue to do so. Just like John's choices had turned him into who and what he was. It wasn't much comfort but there was strength in the knowledge.

"Sarah..." The scarred face relaxed and Shepard could see something of her brother in it. "I..." His eyes rolled back and he slumped as life left him. Releasing her hold on John, his body fell backwards and hit the floor with a sickening thud.

She turned away from it, to Garrus. "Are you all right?"

He nodded, then pulled her into an embrace, careful not to touch her injured shoulder. "Spirits, Shepard..." He mumbled against her hair. "I nearly lost you..."

Together they made their way back to the elevator. No alarms had gone off at the sound of gunfire, no mercs came rushing to attack them. They simply rode the elevator down to the first floor and exited the building.

Illium's skyline stood out against the soft sunset in purple and gold. Shepard took a deep breath and winced a little as her body suddenly remembered it was injured. She turned to the turian by her side. "I love you, Garrus."

His flanging voice hummed with emotions. "I love you, Shepard. There's no Vakarian without Shepard." Then his scarred mandibles flexed. "Come on, we have a galaxy to save."

The end.


End file.
